visiting in-laws; help me come up with good phrases for 1) I don't need to tell you why and 2) it's
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Anonymous
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My in-laws are visiting. They are great people but have very, very different boundaries from me. I also am prone to wanting to explain my parenting decisions but I've decided I am done with that.
Can you help me remember/say 1) That's my decision and I don't need to explain it to you (i.e., I don't want you to play makeup with my 2- year old) and you need to respect it. 2) That's none of your business- I don't need to give rationale or explanation. I don't want to be rude nor confrontational, but I do want to cut off conversation and curb my own instincts to say more than I should. ideas or good phrases? |
Anonymous
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This is what works for our family.
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Anonymous
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OP here- though some examples might be useful. For instance, MIL will ask
1) So, how much weight have you gained!? (in pregnancy- I honestly don't thing she's being bitchy, but I don't want to talk about it) 2) So, C section or a vaginal birth 3) ME: I don't want you to put make up on my baby HER: But we have so much fun! Why not!? THere's nothing wrong with it. 4) HER: But [my SIL's kids, her grandchildren by her daughter] are allowed to... |
Anonymous
GOod one. THanks. |
Anonymous
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Anonymous
| I have found it is helpful to repeat the same phrase over and over. It is annoying but it gets the message across. My ILs aren't exactly the same, but they will often push an issue even after DH and I have given them a definitive answer. When we response the same response she seems to get that she is nagging us about the same issue over and over and then moves on. Maybe you could try 'thanks for the idea, but that doesn't work for our family' |
Anonymous
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Thanks, I'll think about it. [CHANGE SUBJECT]
Thanks, I know you really care. [CHANGE SUBJECT] Or just ask some semi-related question. Like if the question is makeup on kids, ask where your MIL gets her manicures. |
Anonymous
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Shock and awe.
"How much weight have you gained?" "Enough, I suppose. Then again, maybe not." (Grabs a donut) "Vaginal or C-Section" "We haven't decided. Got a coin we can flip?" Make up on the toddler "Thanks, but I'd rather not pimp her out just yet." But SIL's kids are allowed to... "Color me shocked." |
Anonymous
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But why can't I....
You say: "I would just rather you not. Let's do ___ instead." |
Anonymous
Good stuff. On the vaginal or c-section, you can also add, "I'd rather not discuss my vagina with you." |
Anonymous
Yes to all of these. Print this out and tape it to your bathroom mirror. Immediately after saying any of these responses, say "I wonder if it will rain tonight. What do you think?" |
Anonymous
| I say "this is what we decided," or "this is what I'm doing," or 'I'd just rather not talk about it." I don't get into debates with her. If you ever answer "because..." She will have a comeback. |
Anonymous
This is perfect!!!! |
Anonymous
You're really not comfortable telling your mother-in-law if you had a vaginal birth or a c-section? People discuss that with complete strangers. Are you sure you're not putting up boundaries just to prove a point? |
Anonymous
Agree with this - my mom treats any reason as the opening point for further discussion. |