How did you break it to your kids that Santa isn't real and at what age?
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Anonymous
| My 8 y.o. daughter is starting to ask questions about the reality of Santa, and I can tell she doesn't quite believe anymore. I've been dancing around the issue for the past few weeks, but I'm thinking that I need to address it. I'm feeling incredibly guilty for lying and not sure how to talk to her about it in a positive way. Any advice? Also, 8 seems so young to not believe, but maybe I'm just clueless. |
Anonymous
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My son (almost 8) has been pestering me for a month. So I told him as gently as I could. He was furious with me.
My friend said if they are just asking, they probably want affirmation that he's real. When they truly don't believe, they will just say so. I talked about how Santa was the spirit of giving. Which worked for me when I was six. But obviously didn't work for my son. He said he will ask Santa for something he knows Daddy and I can't get so he can PROVE Santa exists. So now I have to find a baby wombat somewhere. 
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Anonymous
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I think kids figure it out earlier and earlier these days.
I've never lied - I've always been agnostic on the subject of Santa. I was directly asked by my 6 year old recently if Santa was real and my response was along the lines of "I don't know; no one's ever really seen him so it's hard to be sure. What do you think?" |
Anonymous
| I did not ever want to lie to my kids so when they brought up the question, I told them. Like PP I told them that Santa was the spirit of giving that was in everyone. There is joy for the parents and giving and the children in receiving. They still got/get gifts from Santa even when they "knew". By 8 my guess is that they do know but are afraid the gifts will stop if you find out. |
Anonymous
| I figured it out in second grade. I felt angry that my parents lied to me. My mother assured me that I would understand when I got older. Well I have a 7 & 5 YO and I still don't understand. We tell our kids that Santa is a legend based on St. Nicholas. Santa does not bring any gifts to our house. |
Anonymous
| I don't plan to "break-it" to my kids at all. My oldest is 8.5 and I think he's starting to figure it out, but he enjoys the fun and fantasy of Santa and he knows there will still be gifts regardless. No one ever broke it to me and I wasn't devastated when I figured it all out. I can't imagine my kids will be mad at me for keeping a bit of magic alive in their childhoods. |
Anonymous
| My almost 4 yr old asked so I answered. We were at the library. |
Anonymous
| I have two kids who are 6 yrs apart, so the oldest knows and the youngest doesn't. THe oldest recently told me that he was sad when he figured it out, and he was quite old when that happened. He didn't feel betrayed at all, as he said he understood why people do it, it's nice to have something fun and magical to believe in. He's not about to ruin it for the younger one, either. |
Anonymous
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My kid started asking pointed questions when she was 4 (even declaring Santa wasn't real) and it was pretty apparent that she didn't believe by the time she was 8. However, she still wanted to believe, and it wasn't until she was 10 that she flat out asked.
The way we handled it, was starting when she was around 4, we would "play Santa" for the pets and other animals. We'd make bird feeders for the birds outside. We'd make and buy toys and treats for our pets. She'd help wrap them and we'd make gift tags and sign them "from Santa's helpers." By the time she was around 6, I shifted my language from playing Santa to being Santa. It was our job to be Santa for the animals. She would sometimes ask if she could get an extra present for a person and have that be a secret Santa present. We also talked a lot about the story of St. Nicholas and how we believe the joy in the season is in giving to and doing for others, and how lovely the world would be if everyone was like Santa and not just in December. We're not religious, but I found myself co-opting a lot of the spirit of the season stuff I'd learned growing up in a religious family. So when our 10 year old flat out asked (my husband asked her in return if she REALLY wanted to know the truth, and she affirmed it, and so he told her, but again fell back to reaffirming the joy of the season) I think it was most important that we assured that nothing would change. We weren't going to do away with Christmas just because there was no physical Santa. There were still going to be cookies left out. There would still be the letter from Santa. There would still be gifts from Santa. The big deal for our daughter? She was in tears when seconds after the Santa conversation, she realized that there was no tooth fairy. And she made us describe how we had managed some of our tooth fairy antics like the time she lost a tooth on a class overnight and the tooth fairy still came. So be prepared for the cascading knowledge and subsequent questions that officially addressing the Santa Question might cause. I think us having her play/be Santa for the family pets and wildlife helped ease the transition as well. Oh, we did tell our daughter that we weren't going to be keeping separate Santa wrapping paper anymore, and we carefully watched the following Christmas to make sure that wasn't a big deal for her, and it wasn't. It was just such a hassle keeping wrapping paper hidden from her and to only use it on Santa presents! Our teenage daughter still likes spending a couple minutes on the NORAD santa tracker every year as well. It's funny the things they latch onto. |
Anonymous
I'm so sorry PP. It's so sad when that day comes and then you realize you've muffed it and now the kid is mad at you. Any of us could have done the same--you just don't know until it happens. More fodder for the therapist's couch, I guess. |
Anonymous
| I never broke it to my kids. They are high school and college aged now and Santa still leaves gifts under the tree every Christmas Eve. Obviously they know that Santa has a lot of help. But we don't talk about it. |
Anonymous
What a sweet and thoughtful son you have! |
Anonymous
We always told our kids that Santa is a myth, but that parents and loved ones like playing "the Santa game" with kids. At around age 6, my oldest returned from school to tell me that I was wrong and that Santa IS real. The other kids on the playground convinced him. 
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Anonymous
I guess I was furious too, but I don't remember it much. My mom says I had more righteous indignation, at 8 or 9, I am sure that was a laugh and glass of wine and a "what a little shit" secret thought in her head that night when I went to bed! Its funny to us though. I have LOs and I am actually the opposite, SO into the Santa, glittery part of xmas (because we are not Christian) and I definitely did come to quickly understand, but I also had younger siblings and cousins that I loved watching the Santa stuff with when I was still at home, teenaged. So for some, it will be something people hate, some people love, most people are probably in the middle. I would venture very few people are permanently scarred by this either way. |
Anonymous
| We never did but always told them he was just a story. |