DH and I disagree on college

[Anonymous]

Our second child is a sr and will be going to college next fall. She is at best an average student. She has 2.0, no APs, and a 1560 SAT. She does have LD and has been provided accommodations though out HS.

I think she should go to community college. DH feels that she should go to a 4 yr university and experience college and growing up. The problem is that with her grades and SATs, the only schools she can get into are expensive private ones. I just don't feel that it's worth the money. DH never went to college and wants to do this for his DD.

Any thought on how to reconcile this? It's our money. We both work full time and make roughly the same amount of money. We can afford it, I just don't think it's a wise purchase/investment. I've spoken with DD about this and asked how confident she is in her ability to succeed. I got a definitive "I don't know".

I realize DH is coming at this from an emotional standpoint and I'm purely looking at the financials. I don't disagree that she should go to college, just not one that costs $40k plus per year. I'd like to see her succeed at CC for 2 yes and transfer to any school she wants and can get into and I will gladly pay for it.

[Anonymous]

Community college seems like the best idea. See how your kud does the first year and decide on what to do after that.

[Anonymous]

My son is a year younger and in the same boat as far as grades, LD and accommodations. We decided community college and he is going to study for a trade (automotive). It's hard to get to the place where you actually say that your child isn't capable of doing what you had hoped. But, the way we figure is that it is better that he succeeds. Our dilemma is whether he will have to live at home or whether he can live away from us. Fortunately our son is pretty relieved that we aren't pushing college.

[Anonymous]

Go visit the community college(s) you have in mind. See if there's something there like the college experience your DH is looking for. More information is better! Find out what the school offers in terms of support for LDs, that sounds like it's going to continue to be an important support for your child.

Also consider, how much help has your child needed with her schooling up to this point? Is she reasonably independent, and could actually succeed at making it to classes and completing her classwork in a timely manner? Is she likely to be distracted by the social scene or the increase in life responsibilities? For example, who is doing her laundry now? Don't just consider the cost or the academics, consider whether she's ready for the day-to-day managing of her life. You want her to be successful. Worse than spending 40K for her to bomb out on a year of expensive private college, is for her to bomb out on a year of college and feel like she's not college material or stupid or other inaccurate negative things about herself. If you realize your DH isn't going to budge on this, make sure you look for a school where she will get the supports she needs, not just academic.

[Anonymous]

Op, CC is the right path. You don't want to find out your DD is not ready for a uni after she gets there.

[Anonymous]

Any thought to what the kids wants?

[Anonymous]

She's a senior - she should have applied to many more school to actually know what her options are. No way should her options be 2 schools, so different. I think this is a parenting fail. There is still time for some less-selective school applications. There publics for around 20K/yr -somewhere- she could get into. An average student, I think, should go to college, ideally a 4 yr school

I don't think she will get any more support at CC. I'd say there is no greater chance that she will be successful at CC. You will just pay less money. That is a consideration.


I am concerned re: the 2.0 gpa - that is not average. I would want to know a whole lot more re: her academic program before I had a form opinion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Any thought to what the kids wants?

She has already announced that her goal is to be a SAHM and have 4 kids. She strongly dislikes school and studying but college is whatever is "supposed" to do so she feels there is pressure to conform. She was on the CC plan until DH mentioned the option of a 4 yr school.

As far as her ability to function on day to day things-- she does her own laundry, can make her own meals, pack her lunch, and get herself to school on time. But given the choice between cleaning the gutters and school work, gutters win. She has very poor time management skills and still requires constant reminders from me and her teachers about assignments that are due.

[Anonymous]

There are psychologist that specialize in school placement for children with LDs. I would meet with one of them.

I agree with you H, I think we have warped expectations in this area. I think your daughter could go to college and be fine based on the limited information you have given.

Can she drive?
Can she do laundry?
Can she make dinner?
Can she wake up on time without your help and arrive somewhere on time?
Does she have a job? Is her boss happy with her?

These are the types of things the psychologist will go over to determine college readiness.

[Anonymous]

What does your DD want to do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She's a senior - she should have applied to many more school to actually know what her options are. No way should her options be 2 schools, so different. I think this is a parenting fail. There is still time for some less-selective school applications. There publics for around 20K/yr -somewhere- she could get into. An average student, I think, should go to college, ideally a 4 yr school

I don't think she will get any more support at CC. I'd say there is no greater chance that she will be successful at CC. You will just pay less money. That is a consideration.


I am concerned re: the 2.0 gpa - that is not average. I would want to know a whole lot more re: her academic program before I had a form opinion.

There are more than 2 schools she is applying to. She is applying to 4 4 yr schools. None of them are state schools. if a 2.0 is not average, what is? I'm looking at a pure 4.0 scale-- to me, the half way mark is average.

[Anonymous]

Average is more like 3.0. If she was getting steady C's through school, her GPA is definitely below average.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Average is more like 3.0. If she was getting steady C's through school, her GPA is definitely below average.

Here is the warped view.

C is average. C is 2.0

[Anonymous]

Not ready for 4 yr school. Maybe work part time and take a few cc classes to get feet wet. If it works, switch full time cc. If that works, then transfer to Md. Along the way if it becomes clear she is happier in a trade, make the switch. She needs to know the SAHM thing may not pan out long term, so if she needs to work best to earn more than 9 dollars per hour.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are psychologist that specialize in school placement for children with LDs. I would meet with one of them.

I agree with you H, I think we have warped expectations in this area. I think your daughter could go to college and be fine based on the limited information you have given.

Can she drive?
Can she do laundry?
Can she make dinner?
Can she wake up on time without your help and arrive somewhere on time?
Does she have a job? Is her boss happy with her?

These are the types of things the psychologist will go over to determine college readiness.

laundry, dinner, and getting places on time --yes. We did not feel she could handle a job and school. We also didn't want our kids driving before they were 18.

I am sure there is a 4 yr school out there that she will do fine in. As I said in my original post, this is about reconciling the monetary aspect of college. I just don't think a degree from a non recognized name is worth the money. I need to understand and come to terms with paying for a 4 yr experience as being more than the piece of paper at the end.