Annoyed that our family is expected to change to accommodate my cousin's wife's rules

[Anonymous]

My cousin's wife doesn't want her kids to be exposed to anything that she doesn't agree with. For example, I get email requests asking Santa not to give any princesses or certain action figures to my kids since we will all be together at another family member's house on Christmas morning. I understand that she's not into commercialism and the princess thing, but why can't she just teach her own kids that there are certain things they aren't allowed to play with instead of always expecting our kids to change. (All the kids are between 4-6 yo.) In the past, I have halfheartedly tried to accommodate her requests, and other times, just completely ignored them.

A few months ago, I asked her for birthday gift ideas. She mentioned something her DD might like that I went ahead and purchased. She emailed a week later and asked that I return it because she decided to get something similar for her DD and our gift might make her gift "less special". Like I have time to run around and return things.

She's planning to homeschool. I'm fairly certain it's so she can control their environment and what they are exposed to.

No real question, just a vent...

[Anonymous]

F that. She sounds like a freak. Just buy your kids whatever you want.

[Anonymous]

I have a SIL like this, and expects our entire family to accommodate her. I am so tempted sometimes to purposely do the opposite.

[Anonymous]

Get your kids whatever you want. I personally, would get them a princess doll

[Anonymous]

Wait one minute ....are you saying she tells you what to get your own kids at Christmas because her kids will be there?

no way. You have won the award for craziest relative request ever . I'm stunned if that is what you were explaining

[Anonymous]

I'd ignore her completely.

[Anonymous]

Holy cow that is ridiculous. How does your brother (or H brother) deal with it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wait one minute ....are you saying she tells you what to get your own kids at Christmas because her kids will be there?

no way. You have won the award for craziest relative request ever . I'm stunned if that is what you were explaining

Yep, that's what I'm saying. She phrases it as "I don't want to be any trouble. Maybe you could give any gifts like that for her upcoming birthday instead of Christmas morning."

[Anonymous]

I think you should seriously consider joining the ranks of people who have concluded that is is far better to do Christmas morning at your own home with just your immediate family. There's still time after the 25 and before New Years for larger family holiday gatherings, but this woman is just going to keep being a nightmare.

[Anonymous]

She sounds over the top. I'd ignore her, too. I can't believe she tried to tell you that you couldn't give those presents to your own kids. And for birthday presents, just go straight to gift cards. Normally, I'd think a kid that age would rather have a present to unwrap but if she's going to tell you exactly what to get and then tell you to return it, just forget it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait one minute ....are you saying she tells you what to get your own kids at Christmas because her kids will be there?

no way. You have won the award for craziest relative request ever . I'm stunned if that is what you were explaining

Yep, that's what I'm saying. She phrases it as "I don't want to be any trouble. Maybe you could give any gifts like that for her upcoming birthday instead of Christmas morning."

Oh my my ! Please tell me there is icy silence from you followed by a "I beg your pardon ?"

[Anonymous]

OMG - Yes! This is my SIL. I'm the one who has to brief the kids on the way to visit every year. We have to open gifts before we go to see them because SIL disapproves of everything from Harry Potter books (when the kids were younger) to technology gifts and even candy! I started giving her children gift cards early on to Amazon so that she could pick out appropriate books/gifts for them.

When the kids were really young, it was much worse because she would give them Bibles, crosses and sugarless chewing gum. Not that we don't love sugarless chewing gum, but my daughter (who was 5 at the time) was given a pretty gold cross necklace, didn't know what it was, and didn't want to wear it when she found out it was something someone was killed on.

So many years and so many stories.

[Anonymous]

there is one in every family ... power play

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait one minute ....are you saying she tells you what to get your own kids at Christmas because her kids will be there?

no way. You have won the award for craziest relative request ever . I'm stunned if that is what you were explaining

Yep, that's what I'm saying. She phrases it as "I don't want to be any trouble. Maybe you could give any gifts like that for her upcoming birthday instead of Christmas morning."

Huh. I think I'd be heading right for that princess aisle and loading up my cart.

[Anonymous]

I think the time has come to stop spending Xmas morning with your cousin and his wife. Game over.

Or, if this is part of a big family gathering, just follow the PP's suggestion of the ignore (or the icy pause + "sorry?") and do what you would anyways. If your cousin's wife is so extreme as to homeschool in order to avoid this stuff, she can also home Xmas. Away from you.