Annoyed that our family is expected to change to accommodate my cousin's wife's rules

[Anonymous]

I'm a control freak myself (and am considering homeschooling!) but this is just plain rude.

Etiquette states that parents offer what they wish to their children, and offer to other children what their parents think is appropriate. So ignore her request for your kids, but stay within her guidelines for her own daughter.

I have a friend who is similar to your cousin's wife. She is very picky (fine) and expects everyone to accommodate her (not fine).

[Anonymous]

this is rude.

ignore.

she's raising a brat.

[Anonymous]

Oh, no. No way.

I would e-mail her (cc'ing your cousin to of course) telling her that you're just going to buy your children what you want to get them for Christmas, and that what she's asking is in fact too much to ask.

But I do wonder: You're getting together with your cousins as adults on Christmas day and everybody is doing every present there? Is this long-distance? Otherwise, I can't see why you wouldn't just open your gifts across nuclear families rather than within. That would also solve this problem.

[Anonymous]

OP here. We don't spend every Christmas morning with them, it just worked out that way this year.

[Anonymous]

I'd spend Xmas with them. Make sure you buy a barbie and a princess to stick in her kids stockings.

Back to reality, two choices. Spend Xmas with them and ignore the email, or make alternate arrangements for Xmas. I would not let her dictate what you buy/don't buy for Xmas gifts for your own kids. That's wrong and she's being a dictator.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd ignore her completely.

this

[Anonymous]

She phrases it as "I don't want to be any trouble. Maybe you could give any gifts like that for her upcoming birthday instead of Christmas morning."

"No, unfortunately, we will not be able to do that. Just wanted to let you know ahead of time so that you could plan accordingly."

[Anonymous]

Unless you're giving your kids loaded guns and crack pipes for Christmas, I'd tell her to shove it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unless you're giving your kids loaded guns and crack pipes for Christmas, I'd tell her to shove it.

So now I have to take the crack pipes back? Heck.

[Anonymous]

What I would do is half accommodate her. Make any princess type stuff from you and not from Santa. That way it is fairly even distribution toward all the kids. Then send her an email kindly telling her what you are willing to do to accommodate her and that your personal gifts to your children will Be based on their interests.

[Anonymous]

I disagree with all the passive aggressive $#%@s who suggest giving her kids princesses. Fighting control freakism with passive aggression is jerky and mean. She has standards about her own kids. That's fine and should be respected. Give your own kids whatever Disney crap you want. I totally get when other people's gifts upstage the parents's gifts though. However, since you already bought the thing, I think she was out of line to ask you to return it. She sounds high maintenance and like she wants her kids to be raised in a bubble but you have to decipher which requests of hers are normal and which are out of line.

[Anonymous]

Get your kids what you want. She has no right to tell you what to do with your own kids. I would just tell her that you're going to do that ahead of time so that she isn't surprised. And if she decides to stay home, oh well. She sounds like a bully.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:there is one in every family ... power play

At least one asshole in every family.

[Anonymous]

Ugh. I hate the princess thing too and violent toys, but they have trickled into the house via gifts from others. That woman is nuts. You can suggest to other people blocks, books, wooden toys whatever floats your boat, but you can not make demands and you cannot tell others what to give their kids whether or not you are there.

[Anonymous]

I feel sorry for her kids. They are going to be a mess when they go away to college.