Told ad want divorce

[Anonymous]

I told my DW that I want a divorce. We have done counseling twice. The divorce is inevitable. Our relationship is too unhealthy and toxic. DW is in a fantasy land and complains I Am not being fair and how could I leave her alone with no friends and no family nearby. Why should that even be a problem for me?

[Anonymous]

If you think two counselling sessions will fix things, you're wrong. If you have years of unhealthy communication, two hours fixes nothing.

Divorce is only inevitable if that's your mind set.

And are you even hearing her or helping her with her feelings of isolation. It's not a fantasy land to feel loss over being away from friends and family.

Sounds to me like she should be happy to be rid of you as your heart is set on that anyway

[Anonymous]

I think the op means they have done two "rounds" of counseling - not 2 sessions. At least I hope that's what he means. If not I have to agree with pp.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you could care less about her life and her emotions. It's not surprising you are getting a divorce. I predict you will be getting another one if you ever do remarry, you sound like a selfish tool.

[Anonymous]

Why is that your problem? Because, as of right now, she is your family. So at the very least you should want the best for her/care about what happens to her. You can divorce without being completely unfeeling towards her.

[Anonymous]

We have done rounds and rounds of counseling. DW needs counseling on her own to deal with all sorts of issues stemming from her childhood - death, abandonment, abuse, etc. She is verbally abusive when angry, which is all the time, always demands compassion but rarely gives it and has purposeLy isolated he self from my family, all of whom have been willing to help.

I need my own life back and csnnot be my DW's punching bag for all her frustrations and anxiety. Please understand that.

[Anonymous]

How long have you been married?
Any children? If so, how old?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have done rounds and rounds of counseling. DW needs counseling on her own to deal with all sorts of issues stemming from her childhood - death, abandonment, abuse, etc. She is verbally abusive when angry, which is all the time, always demands compassion but rarely gives it and has purposeLy isolated he self from my family, all of whom have been willing to help.

I need my own life back and csnnot be my DW's punching bag for all her frustrations and anxiety. Please understand that.

PP here- I understand- it definitely sounds like this marriage needs to end. No one begrudges you going to find your happiness. And you may not feel that you owe her any more compassion based on how she has acted but offer her some- you are leaving after all and after the marriage is done you really won't have to worry about her anymore. It won't cost you anything to have some sympathy for her as you close things out. I wish you the best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How long have you been married?
Any children? If so, how old?

Too long. Three teens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have done rounds and rounds of counseling. DW needs counseling on her own to deal with all sorts of issues stemming from her childhood - death, abandonment, abuse, etc. She is verbally abusive when angry, which is all the time, always demands compassion but rarely gives it and has purposeLy isolated he self from my family, all of whom have been willing to help.

I need my own life back and csnnot be my DW's punching bag for all her frustrations and anxiety. Please understand that.

PP here- I understand- it definitely sounds like this marriage needs to end. No one begrudges you going to find your happiness. And you may not feel that you owe her any more compassion based on how she has acted but offer her some- you are leaving after all and after the marriage is done you really won't have to worry about her anymore. It won't cost you anything to have some sympathy for her as you close things out. I wish you the best.

Thank you. There is only so much abuse, lying and cheating one can take.

[Anonymous]

Please get a divorce, for your wife's sake. You sound like a miserable cow.

[Anonymous]

OP, I feel for you. I have BTDT. Married for ten years to someone who turned out to be mentally ill. S/he would not seek therapy. In the end, you need to look out for your own health and the health of your children. I am sure you feel sorry for your DW, but in the end she is an adult capable of seeing she needs help. You can provide support for that, but you are in no way responsible for being her therapist and care provider, especially if she is abusive. As to the PP above, who probably has never been through this, she can stuff it where the sun don't shine. Your marriage vows do not mean you put up with abuse just because your spouse is sick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have done rounds and rounds of counseling. DW needs counseling on her own to deal with all sorts of issues stemming from her childhood - death, abandonment, abuse, etc. She is verbally abusive when angry, which is all the time, always demands compassion but rarely gives it and has purposeLy isolated he self from my family, all of whom have been willing to help.

I need my own life back and csnnot be my DW's punching bag for all her frustrations and anxiety. Please understand that.

OP, you sound exactly like my ex.
That's what he used to tell his friends and family, which could not be further away from the truth.
He hated the fact I gave concerts out of town/country. I would clean and tidy up our place, be out of town for a week-end and would come to a filthy, totally unkept place, with dishes piled up in the kitchen, clothes hanging from every chair, and a really dirty bathtub because he would use the bathtub to wash his clothes in even though we had a new washer and drier inside the house.
When I got upset, he would tell me I was being verbally abusive and that he was not my punching bag.

OP, are you sure you're not exaggerating everything she does by, let's say 200%?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have done rounds and rounds of counseling. DW needs counseling on her own to deal with all sorts of issues stemming from her childhood - death, abandonment, abuse, etc. She is verbally abusive when angry, which is all the time, always demands compassion but rarely gives it and has purposeLy isolated he self from my family, all of whom have been willing to help.

I need my own life back and csnnot be my DW's punching bag for all her frustrations and anxiety. Please understand that.

OP, you sound exactly like my ex.
That's what he used to tell his friends and family, which could not be further away from the truth.
He hated the fact I gave concerts out of town/country. I would clean and tidy up our place, be out of town for a week-end and would come to a filthy, totally unkept place, with dishes piled up in the kitchen, clothes hanging from every chair, and a really dirty bathtub because he would use the bathtub to wash his clothes in even though we had a new washer and drier inside the house.
When I got upset, he would tell me I was being verbally abusive and that he was not my punching bag.

OP, are you sure you're not exaggerating everything she does by, let's say 200%?

Your story about the nonsense your ex would do should be taken at face value but the OP is exaggerating by 200%?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have done rounds and rounds of counseling. DW needs counseling on her own to deal with all sorts of issues stemming from her childhood - death, abandonment, abuse, etc. She is verbally abusive when angry, which is all the time, always demands compassion but rarely gives it and has purposeLy isolated he self from my family, all of whom have been willing to help.

I need my own life back and csnnot be my DW's punching bag for all her frustrations and anxiety. Please understand that.

OP, you sound exactly like my ex.
That's what he used to tell his friends and family, which could not be further away from the truth.
He hated the fact I gave concerts out of town/country. I would clean and tidy up our place, be out of town for a week-end and would come to a filthy, totally unkept place, with dishes piled up in the kitchen, clothes hanging from every chair, and a really dirty bathtub because he would use the bathtub to wash his clothes in even though we had a new washer and drier inside the house.
When I got upset, he would tell me I was being verbally abusive and that he was not my punching bag.

OP, are you sure you're not exaggerating everything she does by, let's say 200%?

x2. I am not buying the OP's whining, "poor me" attitude for a second. Especially given the apparent emotional disconnect/complete lack of empathy for his wife. It's a sob story that has a lot of holes.