Remembering anniversaries- do you get upset

[Anonymous]

If your kids or your parents don't send you a card or call for your wedding anniversary? Personally, I wouldn't care of my kid didn't send his parents a card for their wedding anniversary. I honestly only care that my husband remembers and we have a nice dinner or something. My mother, on the other hand, continues to be passive aggressive if me or one of my siblings forgets her and my father's wedding anniversary. Is it a big deal? Should I be making a bigger to-do over their anniversary? I figured only the big milestones count.

[Anonymous]

Does you Mom want kudos for staying in the marriage?

I wonder about this with some older women. Otherwise, just sounds like she kinda likes to hold something other you.
Which she shouldn't. You shouldn't have to remember. And especially not your kids.

[Anonymous]

Really? How big a to do is it to make a phone call or send a card? Whether you think it's important or not, clearly this matters to your mother. It's your choice whether to apologize when you forget (although if you put it on your calendar, you probably won't), or make this the hill to die on. Personally, if I wanted a good relationship with my mother, this would be a small bone to throw her.

[Anonymous]

Parents anniversary--yes, you should send a card, call, whatever if it is important to them

Kids anniversary--as someone whose parent and in-laws both just forgot our anniversary (and it was a milestone one), we were surprised and did notice, but didn't really care.

Sibling anniversary--I usually forget mine until it is past, but my SIL once got upset that we didn't acknowlege hers.

It is pretty family-dependent. If a standard has been set that such events are aknowledged in a certain way (card, phone call, party, whatever) then you skip it at your own risk. Also be aware that if the family you marry into has a different standard than yours, you need to follow their rules not your own when dealing with them.

[Anonymous]

The only person I expect to remember my anniversary is my husband.

When a child is older, it's nice if they remember, but I don't necessarily expect them to.

Both of our parents forgot our anniversary this year, and I was not offended in the least.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't be upset, but I'm not very sensitive in that way.

OP, I keep a list of everyone's major dates - birthdays, anniversaries, officially cancer-free, deaths, etc., so I never have to worry about forgetting. They're not only on paper, but also in my phone with a reminder a week before.

If this is important to your mother, then just send her a card.

[Anonymous]

Apparently my MIL made a big deal of it before I came on the scene. She and FIL were in the middle of a divorce when I met dh.

I really don't care. If I can get a nice dinner out with my dh, I consider that a big win. I actually would think it was weird for anyone else to care.

[Anonymous]

My parents are divorced, so I always think it's weird when my MIL seems to expect us to fawn over their anniversary. For the big ones, sure, but...it seems weird to me. Though I will say she always gets us a gift (we've only been married 4 years, so we'll see if this keeps up) and I find that a little strange too. It's a nice gesture, don't get me wrong. But just seems to weird to get us an anniversary gift. It's not high on my list of issues with her however...

[Anonymous]

I try to remember anniversaries and birthdays but often time forget (except my kids birthdays). I do not mind if people forget my anniversaries or birthdays either. I have no strong feelings for valentine's day either.

I am a happily married mom of two really awesome kids. We do go out to dine a lot for all kind of small things. Things like - an "A" on the report card or a championship win or completion of a project etc. Adult birthdays and anniversaries also get the same treatment. Kids birthdays are as big a deal as they want - entirely up to them.

Somehow this works for our family.

[Anonymous]

I find it strange that anyone would expect or want others to celebrate their marriage. Anniversaries are between spouses. No one else cares.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find it strange that anyone would expect or want others to celebrate their marriage. Anniversaries are between spouses. No one else cares.

I agree completely. My mother still gives my husband and I a gift on our anniversary (usually cash or a gift card for a restaurant). It's insane (nice, but insane). I don't even get a gift for my husband for our anniversary. I don't get why people make such a big deal of other people's marriages.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find it strange that anyone would expect or want others to celebrate their marriage. Anniversaries are between spouses. No one else cares.

Me too. When you get to big enough milestones, I think its nice for your kids to make note of that, but I don't expect my parents to make note of my upcoming 4th anniversary. I probably should have made note of their 30th on Monday (whoops), but I don't feel bad about not mentioning the 29th last year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Apparently my MIL made a big deal of it before I came on the scene. She and FIL were in the middle of a divorce when I met dh.

I really don't care. If I can get a nice dinner out with my dh, I consider that a big win. I actually would think it was weird for anyone else to care.

+1

I don't acknowledge anyone's anniversary other than my own and I don't expect anyone to acknowledge mine.

[Anonymous]

OP here. FWIW, my parents didn't seem to expect their kids to remember their anniversary when we were younger, but all of a sudden after we finished college it became a big deal to my mom and she started dropping all kinds of hints. I think, as PP suggested, it is something my mother likes to hold over my head. She's become very tit-for-tat in recent years, and yes, she's one of those parents who sends DH and I an anniversary card with a check every year, which DH finds a little strange as he doesn't even know his own parents' anniversary and they don't make a big to-do out of it, and they've been married as long as my parents have been. We had a big party for my parents' 40th a few years ago and I figured it was a major milestone so great, that should count for another 5 years, but it didn't.

Honestly, I don't even know how I'd instill the importance of anniversaries in my own kids. I can see birthdays, as it's something that's a big deal with friends and family and people reciprocate on, but I can't see being pushy with the kids about our wedding anniversary-- they weren't even born yet!-- and getting in a huff because they forget once in a while. I guess my mother and I are just different people.

[Anonymous]

So stock up on Happy Anniversary cards, sign, stamp, seal and address them, and drop one in the mail 5 days beforehand every year. Not worth the drama.