Remembering anniversaries- do you get upset

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find it strange that anyone would expect or want others to celebrate their marriage. Anniversaries are between spouses. No one else cares.

+1. Especially for in law anniversaries. If they care so much about a card, the spouse should take care of this.

[Anonymous]

I also agree that anniversaries are between the couple. I certainly consider mine private.

My parents probably would like me to send them a card, yet they've been miserable most of their marriage. I choose to stay out of it.

If people invite me to their anniversary party, of course I'll go and bring a gift. Whatever, it's a party.

[Anonymous]

I never would want to guilt trip my children over forgetting our anniversary, however saying that it does hurt my feelings when it is forgotten. I do so much for them and their children and it would be nice to be remembered on our anniversary. So, you adult children out there that have kind loving parents, please don't forget their anniversary. Just a simple phone call, card or even an anniversary wish when they see you around your anniversary means a great deal.

[Anonymous]

Don't expect any acknowledgement from my kids or my parents. I do think the 50th or 75th would be big milestones that should be acknowledged by the adult children though - that's the one exception in my eyes. Anniversaries are for the spouses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OMG i saw this thread headline and just realized we missed ours th other day! YIKES! dang -

better stop for some flowers on the way home...

This is not good.

[Anonymous]

I can never remember my own anniversary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Really? How big a to do is it to make a phone call or send a card? Whether you think it's important or not, clearly this matters to your mother. It's your choice whether to apologize when you forget (although if you put it on your calendar, you probably won't), or make this the hill to die on. Personally, if I wanted a good relationship with my mother, this would be a small bone to throw her.

x1000 It isn't about what makes you feel good, OP, it is about what makes others you love feel good. This would not be my hill to die on.

[Anonymous]

My parents seem to want to make a big deal out of their anniversary (every year not just milestone years). Maybe its a generational thing? They also expect a card for just about everything. I have managed to limit the gift giving since no one in the family really needs anything and we had just fallen into the habit of exchanging junk. DH and I celebrate our anniversary with a nice date night out and on milestone years we try to get away for a weekend or longer if the grandparents are willing to watch our kids.

[Anonymous]

I think a lot of Boomer parents get competitive with their friends over how much their children and grandchildren dote on them. Facebook has made this so much worse, because now they can see how some of their friends have (or at least appear to have) really close families who celebrate together a lot, and then they want it too.

The problem for me is that my parents didn't do any of this stuff when I was a kid. They forgot my own birthday on multiple occasions. I guarantee my dad couldn't tell you the month that my birthday is in, much less the day. When I told my mom I was getting married, she said, "Well, hopefully we can make it." So the expectation now that I'm going to make a huge deal out of their anniversary or their milestone birthdays always takes me by surprise. Mostly it makes me feel sorry for them. I think they are seeing now that some of their peers raised their families with love and mutual respect, and that is paying dividends now. I would rather focus on making sure my own kids have a better experience now than catering to my parents' hurt feelings.

[Anonymous]

I’m happily married almost 18 years and I could hardly care less if my husband remembers our anniversary. People who make a big deal about them seem to be surprised they made it that long or trying to make themselves feel better for enduring something miserable. I don’t really care to make a big deal about birthdays in adulthood either, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think a lot of Boomer parents get competitive with their friends over how much their children and grandchildren dote on them. Facebook has made this so much worse, because now they can see how some of their friends have (or at least appear to have) really close families who celebrate together a lot, and then they want it too.

The problem for me is that my parents didn't do any of this stuff when I was a kid. They forgot my own birthday on multiple occasions. I guarantee my dad couldn't tell you the month that my birthday is in, much less the day. When I told my mom I was getting married, she said, "Well, hopefully we can make it." So the expectation now that I'm going to make a huge deal out of their anniversary or their milestone birthdays always takes me by surprise. Mostly it makes me feel sorry for them. I think they are seeing now that some of their peers raised their families with love and mutual respect, and that is paying dividends now. I would rather focus on making sure my own kids have a better experience now than catering to my parents' hurt feelings.

This! I have come to realize that this is my 72 year old mother’s motivation for almost everything. It’s all about showing up some random ladies from her bridge club. It’s ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

This thread made me realize that I had no idea when my parents' anniversary was. Not to mention my in-laws or either set of siblings'. I know the season, or if I'm lucky, the month for each, but not the exact date.

Both sets of parents are in their 70s and have been married our entire lives, so it must be over 40 years. It just never seemed like a big deal. DH and I usually go out to dinner for ours, or do a weekend away if we can swing it, but that's about it. It never occurred to me to remember anyone else's anniversary but my own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m happily married almost 18 years and I could hardly care less if my husband remembers our anniversary. People who make a big deal about them seem to be surprised they made it that long or trying to make themselves feel better for enduring something miserable. I don’t really care to make a big deal about birthdays in adulthood either, though.

Oh I would definitely care if my husband didn't remember our anniversary!

[Anonymous]

I don't think anyone outside the marriage needs to mark this occasion.

I have one friend who is really thoughtful who always remembers. But if she didn't, that would fine too.

I always think it's a little weird when my MIL gives us an anniversary gift. Again, it's nice, but also why is she celebrating this? (I'd rather she just be nice to me).

[Anonymous]

If you love and care about that person, and it is important to them, why not show that was matters to the matters to you because you love them?
People have 1 birthday a year, and 1 anniversary, those are important life moments. I would think our family would be the 1st people to acknowledge that and celebrate with us and for us.
I think it's sad that as the child you can't just do that simple thing for that parent. Life is so short and there are no take backs. Happy Birthday, Happy Anniversary, Happy Fathers Day or Mothers Day only happen a couple todays out of 365 days, it's a simple act of kindness to show love and honor for that person.
Today is our anniversary and it makes my husband very sad that his daughters (my step daughters) don't even text to say Happy Anniversary to us. We've been married 14 years and it matters to him that they show love and support for His life choices,He has shown that to them. We send them cards and buy them gifts for their birthdays, anniversaries and Christmas because those are important milestones in life. So to not even receive a text makes us both sad.
I come from a family where we send cards & gifts and celebrate one another any chance we can because it's an opportunity to show love and support for one another in this life. My dad and sister have passed away so My 81 year old Mom still called us and sent a gift in spite of being in a physical therapy rehab facility.
My husband did not come from that. No one on his side said Happy Anniversary today, it makes us both sad.
I lost my sister to cancer and realize how important it is to celebrate these moments in life. I think if someone knows how much it means to you, out of love it is a small thing to extent those well wishes to them, to send a text to bring big joy to someone's heart.
Yes we still celebrate us and that is the most important thing, but it would be nice to have it go both ways, not just give, but to receive.
Sad that the society has turned into such a "me" way of thinking that you can't just send kindness to another person and be happy for them and with them.