Odd end to visit from ILs

[Anonymous]

My mother, and my MIL and FIL visited this weekend for an event at my childrens school. My mom is from out of state, and my ILs live about 2.5 hours away. My mom came in Wednesday and left today. My ILs came in on Friday morning (met at school) and were planning to stay until tomorrow. My adult stepsons were planning to visit tonight, but canceled this afternoon. I am pretty sure one has a date tonight, they are standard young aduls with jobs and college and relationships.

I drove my mom to the airport, and when I returned home my MIL stated they might leave tonight. I said I understood and hoped they stayed. I knew they were only staying an extra nigh to see the stepsons so I wasn't surprised to hear they ight leave early. I was a litle sad to see my mom go and a bit distracted, and was playing with or kids. 30 minutes later, I see their bags at the door. My FIL says they are leaving, he has things he needs to do at home. I give the typical response - thank you for visiting, hate to see you leave early, have a safe drive back. He's pleasant. I start washing a couple dishes (k-cup coffee holders - she likes to bring her own coffee grounds) my MIL brought, and she comes and and abruptly says they are leaving. I tell her FIL told me so I was cleaning her the k-cups, and she snapped that she was going to wash them at home. I repeated the same pleasantries. All of her responses are short. I asked her if everything was ok, and she said yes. She was nice to the kids, but very very short with me. I'm now trying to figure out what I did or said or didn't say. I want to apologize for whatever slight I did, but I don't want to just say it like that. The visit had gone well up until I returned from the airport.

What to do you do when you upset someone but don't know what you did?

[Anonymous]

1. I would ask DH if he has any idea what's up.

2. I would call MIL in the next few days and say you are so happy they visited and then let it go.

[Anonymous]

Maybe it's not about you. Maybe she wanted to go OR she wanted to stay and either way argued with FIL about it so she was grumpy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe it's not about you. Maybe she wanted to go OR she wanted to stay and either way argued with FIL about it so she was grumpy.

OP here, thanks. Maybe. And maybe she was annoyed the stepsons cancelled. It just seemed like she was very short with me in particular.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe it's not about you. Maybe she wanted to go OR she wanted to stay and either way argued with FIL about it so she was grumpy.

OP here, thanks. Maybe. And maybe she was annoyed the stepsons cancelled. It just seemed like she was very short with me in particular.

I assume it was the stepsons. She probably thinks your DH pulled a bait and switch or something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe it's not about you. Maybe she wanted to go OR she wanted to stay and either way argued with FIL about it so she was grumpy.

OP here, thanks. Maybe. And maybe she was annoyed the stepsons cancelled. It just seemed like she was very short with me in particular.

I assume it was the stepsons. She probably thinks your DH pulled a bait and switch or something.

Husband is also annoyed with his sons... he made a ton of food for dinner tonight, and bought supplies for a big lunch tomorrow.

[Anonymous]

I don't ever worry about shit like that. If I know I did nothing offensive or hurtful, I assume the person just shat their pants or something and is just anxious to get home and it's got nothing to do with me.

I will not be worked into a tizzy by someone else's passive aggressive behavior.

You did nothing wrong. SHE should call YOU to thank you for hosting. YOU do not call HER to thank her for coming. "Thank you for giving me the honor of washing your special coffee crap, I hope it was up to your expectations...." Hell no .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't ever worry about shit like that. If I know I did nothing offensive or hurtful, I assume the person just shat their pants or something and is just anxious to get home and it's got nothing to do with me.

I will not be worked into a tizzy by someone else's passive aggressive behavior.

You did nothing wrong. SHE should call YOU to thank you for hosting. YOU do not call HER to thank her for coming. "Thank you for giving me the honor of washing your special coffee crap, I hope it was up to your expectations...." Hell no .

This.

OP, don't even worry about it. If you did something, she can approach you (or your DH) about it.

Otherwise, it's just some passive aggressive BS.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like they were mad about the stepsons, and maybe also expected yo/your husband to somehow "make them come" and were irrationally annoyed that you didn't. It also kind of sounds like they wanted you to beg them to stay, but I wouldn't have done that either. If someone says they want to leave, I let them leave. You're fine, OP.

[Anonymous]

Ugh, normally I would say just brush it off, but I used to get this vibe off of my step mom from time to time, like she'd suddenly go cool on me, and I'd think and think "did I do something?" and DH etc would always say "nah, there's nothing you could have said or did" but recently, she just blew up at me and just started unleashing this list of grievances she'd built up over the years - very specific stuff like "when we were out to dinner one evening I said your son did good at school and you said yes, he's done well, like you think you have to correct my grammar" and a seriously long list of slights - some I could remember and some I had absolutely no idea what she was talking about, like looking at her funny when she said something, etc. The thing is, I was completely floored - I really care about her and never would have done anything to hurt her on purpose.

Generally I think spider sense is usually accurate. If you care about your MIL, I guess just give her a call. It may not have been about you, but it may have been. I wish my step mom would have given me a chance to at least address her concerns when they happened. I would have never hurt her on purpose but, hearing about things years later, I can't defend myself, don't even remember what she might have been talking about.

Good luck! I hope it's nothing.

[Anonymous]

Maybe FIL and MIL had a fight you aren't aware of and just wanted to get out of there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't ever worry about shit like that. If I know I did nothing offensive or hurtful, I assume the person just shat their pants or something and is just anxious to get home and it's got nothing to do with me.

I will not be worked into a tizzy by someone else's passive aggressive behavior.

You did nothing wrong. SHE should call YOU to thank you for hosting. YOU do not call HER to thank her for coming. "Thank you for giving me the honor of washing your special coffee crap, I hope it was up to your expectations...." Hell no .

Wow, PP. I so wish I could look at things this way rather than obsessing over every damn social interaction. I'm in awe of you.

[Anonymous]

Is it typical that they come for a visit expecting to see their grandsons but they bail because something better comes up? I could see why mil would be annoyed by that.

[Anonymous]

I know this sounds mean and I think I would only admit it anonymously, but I cannot even begin to describe how little I care about what my MIL thinks of me. She is invited to and does spend every holiday with us. I send her school pictures and make sure she has stocking presents, tree presents, birthday presents, etc. She is invited to every school event and milestone religious event. But if she got short with me and I knew I had not done anything to slight her, I would shrug my shoulders and forget about it before she crossed the threshold to leave. Her opinion simply doesn't matter to me. And I am sure my husband feels the same way about my mother.

[Anonymous]

Call her: "You seemed a little bit upset when you left, is everything okay? I'm really sorry about the boys bailing on your visit. DH and I were also very disappointed."