Come here if your in laws do weird crap at thanksgiving.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:DH just told MIL for the third time that no, we won’t be putting food on the table and passing. We’ll be serving it buffet-style from the island. She’s fighting her on this and he finally said, “No one wants to pass and pass and monitor what each other is or is not eating. We all just want to make a plate and eat.” Which has always been MY argument for hating family-style service.

(Nelson voice Ha ha!

We moved to buffet style, too. And as a result my mom can no longer plate monitor and drive everyone crazy pointing out what they had yet to touch. “Jim, there’s sweet potatoes. Do you like sweet potatoes? Would you like to try the sweet potatoes?”

omg this is my mother in law. maddening. "Marla, Larla (age 16) can see all the options available, she's allowed to pick and choose what she wants to eat. Please leave her alone."

+1. Why are some people like this? We had to get really firm and harsh with my MIL before she finally backed off! And her daughter (my SIL) previously had an eating disorder so you think she’d have learned!!!

[Anonymous]

Some of your stories really made me laugh out loud. Particularly the fart in the face by the FIL (FIL fart face), the "man sized" a$$ wipes, and the itty bitty MIL that has to sit in a booster. hilarious!!!

our holiday was just the immediate family. the only funny thing was when my 11 year old DD asked why my husband didn't help with the dishes. "is it because you don't have a vagina?" lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The ham and cream cheese wrapped around a pickle shows up at every church potluck here the Midwest. I’ve heard it called “Lutheran sushi.”

In PA we have Lebanon bologna roll ups. They're so tasty and kids often like them. Take a piece of Lebanon Bologna (prob only sold in parts of PA) and smear it with cream cheese, then roll it up. I could see putting a pickle in there. Maybe I'll try that next time!

[Anonymous]

I don’t know, am I really outdated? I teach ny kid to take a spoonful of everything that’s being passed around and take a bite of each of those spoonfuls on his plate?

[Anonymous]

My DiL insists on bringing inedible vegan dishes so that she and her children will have options she approves of. The children are clearly miserable being limited to this crap when there is so much other actually tasty food on the table.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The ham and cream cheese wrapped around a pickle shows up at every church potluck here the Midwest. I’ve heard it called “Lutheran sushi.”

In PA we have Lebanon bologna roll ups. They're so tasty and kids often like them. Take a piece of Lebanon Bologna (prob only sold in parts of PA) and smear it with cream cheese, then roll it up. I could see putting a pickle in there. Maybe I'll try that next time!

I am from Eastern Europe and am familiar with a variation of those: finely grated cheese with crushed garlic and a bit of mayo mixed in (sometimes also fresh dill) and rolled into slices of ham.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DiL insists on bringing inedible vegan dishes so that she and her children will have options she approves of. The children are clearly miserable being limited to this crap when there is so much other actually tasty food on the table.

This is so sad! I am an ex DIL and not a MIL yet and I still commiserate

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:BIL brings all his junk mail, catalogs, and old magazines to go through at my house. We are talking armloads, months worth! Not a big deal except all my trash cans are overfilled now with this heavy paper. I mean, doesn't he realize that I now have to empty the trash cans? Well, he does now.

Why? Why does he bring his junk mail, catalogs, and old magazines to your house? I can't fathom why someone would do this.

He sits on our couch and looks through everything for hours—there’s huge piles in the guest room after he unloads the car, but he keeps to himself pretty much and is pleasant. It’s just odd.

My late mother is someone who I can totally imagine doing the same! “There’s nothing to do anyway, I’ll fill my time with some useful activities”
She was efficient that way! I have to tell myself I should try anything like that lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know, am I really outdated? I teach ny kid to take a spoonful of everything that’s being passed around and take a bite of each of those spoonfuls on his plate?

Yes that’s pretty outdated.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:My MIL will serve family style when she hosts Thanksgiving. We serve buffet style, and I think this is easier for everyone. MIL hosted this year. She has a strange habit of using small bowels for sides and barely putting anything in them. So she has to jump up and run back to the kitchen and fill it up multiple times. She has plenty in the kitchen but she will put about 1 cup of stuffing or mashed potatoes in a serving bowl and it won’t make the way around the table. Also people take less of everything because they don’t know if that’s all there is.

Oh h%ll this is something my MIL would do - but she has weird control issues around food (and other things). How annoying - I empathize!

I'm the poster with the food restrictive mil. This is exactly what she did. She would make a point of letting us all know that she did not eat. She would make a half a sandwich and take a bite or two then put it away and let everyone know that is all she had eaten that day.

My MIL does this too. Endless discussion about her food intake. Pushing around of food at the table, one or two bites eaten. I don't care, but it's kind of fascinating to watch how a whole meal can go by with her taking just 2-3 bites. Sometimes she picks up a forkful of food, waves it around, speaks, then puts it back down for another 5-10 minutes. It's kind of mesmerizing.

When visiting our house it's, "I'll have to skip dinners next week and just do cheese and crackers for dinner after this week of eating!". We are all thin, active and eat normal meals.

It kinda seems like you’re paying a lot of attention to her eating. Why not just ignore? I’m too busy stuffing my face to notice anyone else’s eating habits.

It “kinda seems” like she’s purposely drawing attention to herself by constantly repeating her reports of how little she’s eating, looking for responses and childish validation. Why doesn’t she just not do that?

+1 Why do older women make a contest out of how little they can eat? It can be jarring and obvious if you are exposed to the begavior for the first time.

For my MIL, her low weight and fitting into kid size clothes was one of her greatest acheivements. We all need to acknowledge it at every gathering. We can all move on once someone has exclaimed, "oh you are just so tiny!".

Well, I mean, it's all she has. Being small is her identity, not anything of note she actually achieves in the world.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I married into an extremely competitive family that does a family 10k (as they say, 5k is for the lazy people) the Saturday after Thanksgiving. My DH, his brothers, cousins, his dad all talk smack in the preceding days on who will win. I normally sit it out and hang with his mom who is actually a doll.

Well this year I said, I’ll join. I ran cross country in college, but of course no one really knew I was good (or paid attention). We started the race and I let the men take the lead, then in back half smoked them. I beat all of them by 10+ minutes.

Today I’m basking in the win and their bafflement that they didn’t win. Maybe I just killed the tradition. Maybe that was my goal.

Love this.

Ooohhh, I'm absolutely in love with the PP. +1.

[Anonymous]

I am sober. Very quiet about it, but I did openly have an alcohol abuse problem and worked very hard (and continue to) address it, years ago.

My in-laws drink. A lot. I don't care, but when evenings get rowdy, I tend to hang back with my kids and nieces and nephews, watching movies or just hanging out while the adults socialize in a different area.

My FIL is constantly asking where I am. Like every ten minutes he's asking my wife where did Larlo go? Is he okay? Is he drinking? Why isn't he hanging out with the adults? What is he doing in the family room (Narrator: he is watching Bluey with the kids -- I highly recommend the night time sleep episode). It's endless.

And they also openly judge people for drinking too much (does Billy have a problem? How many whiskeys did he have?) -- despite there being an abundance of booze that all of the people are drinking and even my MIL didn't remember making phone calls right before we ate at Thanksgiving. It's like the batman meme of substance abuse.

Again, I don't care but it's very eye opening being sober in a room of adults who are very...impaired and judgmental about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am sober. Very quiet about it, but I did openly have an alcohol abuse problem and worked very hard (and continue to) address it, years ago.

My in-laws drink. A lot. I don't care, but when evenings get rowdy, I tend to hang back with my kids and nieces and nephews, watching movies or just hanging out while the adults socialize in a different area.

My FIL is constantly asking where I am. Like every ten minutes he's asking my wife where did Larlo go? Is he okay? Is he drinking? Why isn't he hanging out with the adults? What is he doing in the family room (Narrator: he is watching Bluey with the kids -- I highly recommend the night time sleep episode). It's endless.

And they also openly judge people for drinking too much (does Billy have a problem? How many whiskeys did he have?) -- despite there being an abundance of booze that all of the people are drinking and even my MIL didn't remember making phone calls right before we ate at Thanksgiving. It's like the batman meme of substance abuse.

Again, I don't care but it's very eye opening being sober in a room of adults who are very...impaired and judgmental about it.

+1. Me too OP. My kids are older teens and are very tired of the alcohol-centered celebrations. So it's me and them hanging out every night during the holidays, and while I love the time together, I get annoyed as to why.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:DH just told MIL for the third time that no, we won’t be putting food on the table and passing. We’ll be serving it buffet-style from the island. She’s fighting her on this and he finally said, “No one wants to pass and pass and monitor what each other is or is not eating. We all just want to make a plate and eat.” Which has always been MY argument for hating family-style service.

(Nelson voice Ha ha!

Nice! My MIL also refuses to understand that passing family style is no longer a popular way of serving. And I agree that one of the main motivations for old people liking it is that they like to see who is taking what and how much.

really? what do you do on a daily basis? and do people really care about seeing what other people eat (that seems odd and slightly disordered)

NP. On a daily basis, we put food on the island, and either self-serve or one adult serves for the kids or whatever. Occasionally DH and I will ask the other if they want us to make them a plate. But mostly, everyone makes their own plate.

Anyway, I see you’ve never been part of an interminably long pass, pass, pass, pass holiday dinner. They are the WORST. A huge casserole dish hovering in midair while Aunt Bertha hems and haws about whether she wants this dish or that. Or MIL asks why you aren’t eating mashed rutabagas. Or FIL says “wow, you’re taking a LOT of mashed potatoes.” So much commentary about who is eating what and how much, or how no one is eating the yams and you really need to take some yams. Meanwhile the food is getting cold instead of being eaten. It’s so laborious and unnecessary.

We pass food around and this kind of thing never happens.

My in laws always did the pass thing and the food was always cold. We did it ourselves this year and the food was cold. It's problematic if you have a lot of people. My mil is an extremely controlling person and watched every portion a person took. They expect everyone to finish everything on their plate. The first time I ate with them when I was dating my now dh, my sil lectured me loudly at the table that I didn't finish three grains of corn. No one stopped her. She also lectured me because I didn't cross myself after they said grace. The fool didn't know that's a Catholic thing. My dh's family is unfailingly rude.

Food gets cold at the same rate when it’s sitting on an island in the kitchen as when it’s on the dining room table, unless the dishes are on an actual heat source of whatever type. The laws of physics apply in both places.

You cannot possibly be this dense.

Buffet in the kitchen - everyone lines up at once, fills their plates with each item, eats. Hot food.

“Family style” - every individual item passed around many people at a family table, everyone waits for it to be passed every single item by item while people either about how much to take. Lukewarm food at best.

Glad I could help.

NP. I simply disagree. The food will also get cold while you stand in the buffet line to serve yourself, unless the food is in chafing dishes over heaters. One way is not superior to the other. Also, even if you serve buffet style, I can look over at Cousin Max’s plate and see that he has taken a pound of mashed potatoes and no Brussels sprouts, and confront him about his hatred of green vegetables, should I so choose.

Mmkay, but you’ll still be wrong. Shrug.

NP. Buffets are really déclassé. Beloved by patrons of Golden Corral and similar. The thought of recreating this in my home gives me shivers.

Was it hard to type this while clutching your pearls?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My MIL will serve family style when she hosts Thanksgiving. We serve buffet style, and I think this is easier for everyone. MIL hosted this year. She has a strange habit of using small bowels for sides and barely putting anything in them. So she has to jump up and run back to the kitchen and fill it up multiple times. She has plenty in the kitchen but she will put about 1 cup of stuffing or mashed potatoes in a serving bowl and it won’t make the way around the table. Also people take less of everything because they don’t know if that’s all there is.

Lol I’m dying. Thanks for posting this!