How Do You Handle Insincere Apologies From Spouse/SO?

[Anonymous]

How do you handle it when you receive an insincere apology from your spouse?

For instance, my DH will say "I'm sorry" and half of the time he doesn't even know what he is apologizing for. Honestly, this is a marriage, and I am far from perfect, so 50% of the time he probably doesn't owe me an apology.

What frustrates me is when he simply says "I'm sorry" without trying to acknowledge or work through the issue I am upset about. It seems like an empty and insincere apology and really doesn't fix anything, so we will most likely recycle the same argument at a later date.

We have a good marriage, good communication and I am very happy, but instances like this get me so frustrated. I am wondering if other experience this and how they handle/process these situations.

[Anonymous]

Um no you don't have good communication.

[Anonymous]

you sound like you may harp on too many things that he does (or doesn't do) and the result is that he is somewhat beaten down and now completely tone deaf.

you and DH might want to get some help in figuring this out and putting you both back on track for a loving and equal relationship.

[Anonymous]

"I feel like this issue keeps coming up and you always say you're sorry, but then nothing changes. Can we talk about this some more?"

[Anonymous]

You both need to work on your communication.

[Anonymous]

Ok, before people have you seeking marriage counseling or divorce attorneys let me say this happens all the time in our house.

DH and I have been married 15 years and yes, this drives me insane. Yes, I have learned to pick my battles.

Revisit the issues that make you really upset a few days after the initial argument and see if perceptions have changed. IMO sometimes you have to let some go and chalk it up to people seeing things differently and sometimes you need to dig deeper into an issue that is a hot-button issue for you.

[Anonymous]

I would say a large number of our arguments don't get resolved, we get past them. I am not holding us out as a model, but it has worked for us for many years.

[Anonymous]

What is there to fight about? What need is there for all these apologies?

He obviously thinks you expect an apology too often.

I apologize immediately if I blurt out something because I'm cranky. And husband too. But it's rare that we're snippy to each other.

[Anonymous]

My favorite is when I get the "I am sorry you're upset" apology. Now, that one is an insincere apology!

[Anonymous]

That poor DH...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My favorite is when I get the "I am sorry you're upset" apology. Now, that one is an insincere apology!

Disagree. "I am sorry you're upset" probably *is* sincere. "I am sorry for what I did" would be insincere!

[Anonymous]

OP, you say he says "I'm sorry" even when one isn't warranted. I have to wonder if you are like my mom and can't get past something unless you get a sincere apology. Sometimes it's not possible if the other person doesn't believe they are wrong, and they end up apologizing insincerely because they know that's the only way to move on.

Just saying maybe reflect on your part of this before blaming your husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have a good marriage, good communication and I am very happy

Apparently not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Um no you don't have good communication.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is there to fight about? What need is there for all these apologies?

He obviously thinks you expect an apology too often.

I apologize immediately if I blurt out something because I'm cranky. And husband too. But it's rare that we're snippy to each other.

Well, lah-di-dah.