blah dinner party - not sure if i could have done anything differently
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Anonymous
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i posted a salad question yesterday and the whole party ended up sort of blah - there were a lot of quiet moments. like silent. it was work people - a recurring dinner designed for junior staff to get to know one or two upper levels. the head of the group - the boss - was there and he's quite collegial, but i wonder if his presence had something to do with everyone's silence... there were 3 new hires and 5 or 6 other new-ish people and 4 of the more senior people... none of the senior people were my close friends, so i couldn't quite rely on them to get the conversation going. it was raining and everyone got late in the traffic... dinner was ethnic and i think it was good, but only 2 people took seconds - which is sort of my gauge for how good a meal is... there was plenty of alcohol and other drinks dessert was really good i didn't serve tea or coffee b/c everything felt so awkward and stilted towards the end, i just wasn't sure what to do to make it better i just don't know what went wrong... and now, my house will be known as the dud party. argh. i'm going to have to have all these people over for brunch in the spring to make up for this night. |
Anonymous
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op again: anyone have sure-fire ways to rescue a doomed evening?
i tried a few funny stories, but didn't want to be the only one talking... |
Anonymous
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OP, I have been in similar situations and think I know how you feel, but after reading these details, trust me when I say you are being WAY too hard on yourself. You are confusing a work dinner event, and the tone that will inevitably take, with a friends event, which is a real social event.
No matter how much you guys like each other, no matter how much everyone loves boss, job and company, the dinner you had last night was work. It was Mandatory Fun. Everyone Must Be There. Totally different expectation as compared to a dinner party that you have for your friends, people of your own choosing, who are there because they want to be. Relax. You are judging the dinner by unrealistic standards. If you told us that a dinner party you had for your neighborhood gang turned out this way, there may be reason to be concerned. An BTW, you do not "owe" this group a brunch in the spring to make up for anything. They would just view that as another obligation. |
Anonymous
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Don't worry! It may not have been as bad as you think. Maybe everyone was tired and it was fine for them to just sit back and relax?
Next time--don't plan it for Tuesday night..that's a tough one. |
Anonymous
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OP here: the request is that we pick weeknights, to avoid taking away weekends from families... It's meant to be no kids, no spouses, so that the newbies can get to know senior management in an informal setting.
I remember going to my first one and it was SO great - the conversation was great, the house was chaotic and messy and loud and it was over an hour away from our workplace, but it was a ball. and the host only served jarred sauce and pasta and a salad. Gah. |
Anonymous
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1.) it was a WORK dinner
2.) it was a weeknight Its not meant to be a jolly good time. You did our hosting dinner and be happy with yourself! Honestly its fine! |
Anonymous
pp here: this was suppose to be "you did your hosting duty" |
Anonymous
OP--you are probably too young to remember this, but this is a classic from The Mary Tyler Moore Show (great show!) Do yourself a favor and see if you can youtube an episode on Mary's parties…. Sounds like it's the people. If people are uptight about their boss, they won't take seconds. Did they finish their plates? That will help you determine if the food was sub-par. Unless--unless the food was hard to eat without making a mess. Think spaghetti or something that's tricky to cut. In these situations, I tend to eat less if it's hard to eat because I don't want to look awkward or like a pig. |
Anonymous
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This sounds terrible. If I was new the last thing I would want to do is go to this mandatory dinner at someone's home. Can't you do it at a restaurant close to work immediately after work?
Don't be too hard on yourself, OP. This was not a group of your friends getting together. I'm sure no one wanted to be there on a dark rainy night. |
Anonymous
| How about a dark chocolate tasting? It could be a topic conversation. Buy some bars from around the world. |
Anonymous
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What went wrong was that a group of people new to their jobs were in a social setting on someone else's turf with senior management. They weren't relaxed because they don't yet know these people well enough to know what the norms for "relaxed" in your workplace are.
Things that I'd be wondering if I were one of the new employees: is okay to drink? to have a second drink (and I'd watch the boss for cues). What sort of sense of humor do they have? Is this a swearing or non-swearing culture? How long do I have to stay? Will I find my way home okay? When's the last bus? When's the last bus that runs on the 15 minute schedule not the 30 minute schedule? Did I bring a hostess gift? Was I supposed to? Not your fault, OP -- it's just not the kind of atmosphere conducive to a roaring party. |
Anonymous
Was the fun dinner with all the same people? Or were there new people last night who had never been to one? The fun one may have been due to a different mix of people, and yours may have just suffered from unusually boring or reserved new employees. |
Anonymous
| How much alcohol was at the first dinner? How about at yours? |
Anonymous
essentially the same. 4-5 bottles of wine and beer at both. |
Anonymous
| Is it a STEM crowd? |