blah dinner party - not sure if i could have done anything differently

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much alcohol was at the first dinner? How about at yours?

essentially the same. 4-5 bottles of wine and beer at both.

Approximately 1.3 glasses of wine per person? That seems very low. I bet you don't know the real amount at the first party. I would start with a round of cocktails.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it a STEM crowd?

yes

[Anonymous]

Maybe you rood was too ethnic? We cook VERY ethnically in my household so no judgement but for a work dinner I would tone it down.

[Anonymous]

Were you projecting nervous? And the crowd picked up on it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I have been in similar situations and think I know how you feel, but after reading these details, trust me when I say you are being WAY too hard on yourself. You are confusing a work dinner event, and the tone that will inevitably take, with a friends event, which is a real social event.

No matter how much you guys like each other, no matter how much everyone loves boss, job and company, the dinner you had last night was work. It was Mandatory Fun. Everyone Must Be There. Totally different expectation as compared to a dinner party that you have for your friends, people of your own choosing, who are there because they want to be.

Relax. You are judging the dinner by unrealistic standards. If you told us that a dinner party you had for your neighborhood gang turned out this way, there may be reason to be concerned.

An BTW, you do not "owe" this group a brunch in the spring to make up for anything. They would just view that as another obligation.

+1

[Anonymous]

The important question is: did you make a salad?

It was probably just a bunch of tired people who'd rather be home on a cold rainy weeknight. Are they nice today?

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm thinking what most of the other posters have written and that you're being too hard on yourself. I also must admit I rarely have seconds at dinner parties--partly out of not wanting to overeat in the evening, partly trying to be taking part in conversations, and partly not wanting certain foods (i.e., spinach) stuck in my teeth when I'm smiling, etc. Sounds like you worked hard and did a great job!

[Anonymous]

It happens to the best of us. I'm not an amazing cook, so I just try to cover the basics with food, but I do try to think of a lot of non-cheesy conversation starters to keep things moving, especially if I'm tied up in the kitchen.

I hate forced socialization among coworkers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I have been in similar situations and think I know how you feel, but after reading these details, trust me when I say you are being WAY too hard on yourself. You are confusing a work dinner event, and the tone that will inevitably take, with a friends event, which is a real social event.

No matter how much you guys like each other, no matter how much everyone loves boss, job and company, the dinner you had last night was work. It was Mandatory Fun. Everyone Must Be There. Totally different expectation as compared to a dinner party that you have for your friends, people of your own choosing, who are there because they want to be.

Relax. You are judging the dinner by unrealistic standards. If you told us that a dinner party you had for your neighborhood gang turned out this way, there may be reason to be concerned.

An BTW, you do not "owe" this group a brunch in the spring to make up for anything. They would just view that as another obligation.

+1 OP, this sounds like a mandatory work event, which is not a whole lot of people's idea of fun. No matter how delicious the food was, I wouldn't want to pig out at a work event, so that would keep me from having seconds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe you rood was too ethnic? We cook VERY ethnically in my household so no judgement but for a work dinner I would tone it down.

I did wonder that... but it was ethnic from new york times recipes. i thought it was americanized enough.

i just feel weird to have thrown the lame party.


and was wondering if anyone had thoughts of rescue - the cocktails is a good one - i wasn't sure how much people would want to drink, so i didn't go all pit

[Anonymous]

I find cocktails and communal appetizer bowls loosen people up and get them to start talking.

[Anonymous]

I think it's time to approach management and tell them these dinners are not helpful. A work event like this should be organized by work and not held directly in someone's home.

It's just a bad idea to begin with and you did the best you could with it. Believe me, no matter who hosts, it's a terrible dinner party and people go home saying so.

[Anonymous]

The alcohol and your comfort level with entertaining are far more important than the food. Sometimes I go all out on food, and sometimes I end up picking up crap, and the only difference is a couple more compliments. It in no way affects mood, unless you are nervous about it.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry, OP. I really like my coworkers for the 45ish hours a week I am paid to spend with them. But, Force me into a play date on a Tuesday night with them, at someone's house to boot, I'm going to be much less than my normal and gregarious self. I could think of about 86 places I would rather be, and root canal would be right up there.

I know team building is important, but doing it at someone's house in dinner party format is not going to fly with most people, who would probably rather be at their own home eating dinner. Dinner events like this are better spent on more neutral territory - eg. restaurant. Our team events usually center around sporting events - eg. We get a box at a baseball or hockey game, or do something ridiculous like go play paintball. It gives people something to DO, which releases the tension, and doesn't remind people that they would rather be at home. They do tend to be a lot of fun, even though our team is a bunch of really mixed demographic.

It sounds like you did the best your could with a situation that really isn't ideal from the start. Your menu sounds lovely, and it sounds like you were as gracious as could be expected.

[Anonymous]

I know I'm the outlier here, but I like the team building dinner party at a colleague's house. That sort of event is common in my field, though we don't do it much at my current workplace, which is disappointing to me. So, if it has traditionally benefited your work climate, please don't go making waves about ending it (as PPs are encouraging) just because of one dull evening. Some nights are just off.

And PLEASE don't judge your food based on people's eating. I'm known as a pretty good cook, and I've found that if food is buffet style, and people are eating and milling, they'll eat a ton. If it's a sit down dinner, people often stick to just one portion. It's the logistics of having to get seconds while everyone else is watching, not wanting to be the first/only one, not wanting to interrupt conversation, etc., I think.

You can obviously have these folks back over for a better event in a few months OR you could throw a dinner party for some of your close friends on a weekend with a bunch of booze and unhealthy food (no salad!), and I bet it will be a great event that will completely negate this one.