I Don't Care About Intimacy Anymore

[Anonymous]

I want to know if this is somehow my fault that I have no interest in intimate relations.

My husband and I had an okay life in that aspect. But then he stopped being interested. He wouldn't really explain why and there was a lot of tension, anger, it was just a crazy situation. Eventually he said that his job was too stressful and he couldn't handle it and that is why he was constantly rejecting me.

I used to have a high sex drive, but I don't anymore. We went through probably like 5 years of me being constantly rejected and then when we did go there, it was so unfulfilling because it was too quick and he'd go right to sleep.

So I lost interest. I have not cheated on him. It is just a sore spot. He has changed jobs, become more interested, affectionate, and all of that- but I could do without it now. I have no interest in sex at all. Is this something I should be working on changing?

[Anonymous]

Both of you should be working on it. Why was it just OK beforehand?

[Anonymous]

What would you have liked him to do when you were interested and he wasn't? Do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What would you have liked him to do when you were interested and he wasn't? Do that.

It doesn't work that way. I spent 5 years being constantly rejected. I hated that I wanted to be intimate but he didn't. I hated how it made me feel when he rejected me. So now I am over it. I don't associate sex with "good feelings". I associate it with something I don't wish to be bothered with.

If I could have made myself feel this way earlier, I would have, and there wouldn't have been any issues because we would have been on the same page.

[Anonymous]

Love your husband or love your resentment. Your choice.

[Anonymous]

OP I am so sorry. My husband did the same thing and he is now complaining as well. You try for years and are rejected. You finally get over it. And now you are supposed to flip a switch and forget all the hurt? Can't . Do. It.

[Anonymous]

Back when you were interested and him not, why did you concede to his (temporary) low-sex preference?
For sure it was completely wrong of him to unilaterally decide that both of you should have no sex.
But for your part, it was a big mistake that did not "fight" for your marital sexual relationship.

And now, I would say the same thing to you both: it is wrong for you to unilaterally decide on a celibate marriage.
And I would tell him to "fight" you to restore a sexual relationship in the marriage.

You say you don't care about intimacy, but I believe you do.

[Anonymous]

OP, do you want your husband to feel the level of rejection you felt?

I get how you feel and it may be hard to back from that place. Be honest with your husband about how you feel and then try to let go and move forward.

People are less annoying when you're having regular sex with them. Working in getting back into it may help you get those feelings back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, do you want your husband to feel the level of rejection you felt?

I get how you feel and it may be hard to back from that place. Be honest with your husband about how you feel and then try to let go and move forward.

People are less annoying when you're having regular sex with them. Working in getting back into it may help you get those feelings back.

+1

[Anonymous]

I think you CAN be interested in intimacy again OP, it is just that you fell into a certain habit of not being intimate for such a long time, that you had no choice but to accept it + that is what you ended up doing. It became your way of life and the status quo.

And now, suddenly your husband wants to change things around again which I think is really unfair. You are not a light switch that can go on and off on demand.

Humans are creatures of habit and especially after five years, it will take some time for you to get back to that place you once were at. If you ever can get there.

I would ask your husband to be patient w/you as time passes. Have him make an extra effort in the bedroom to make your sex life come alive again. New tricks of the trade. New positions. Etc. Be creative. See where it goes from there.

If all else fails and you still are at a standstill, then as a last resort you can try talking to a professional if you feel comfortable.

Other than that, your options would be pretty much be used up.

And it wouldn't be your fault at all OP. It would be your husband's loss in the end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Back when you were interested and him not, why did you concede to his (temporary) low-sex preference?
For sure it was completely wrong of him to unilaterally decide that both of you should have no sex.
But for your part, it was a big mistake that did not "fight" for your marital sexual relationship.

How do you make a man have sex with you when he doesn't want to? Do you really think it is dignified for a wife to have to crawl and beg for sexual attention after she has been turned down? Are you proposing marital rape, or is there some other method to force a man to desire you when the desire is not there at that moment?

Anonymous wrote:OP, do you want your husband to feel the level of rejection you felt?

No. We are beyond that. We are to the point where I don't care and I don't want it to be an issue.

Anonymous wrote:I think you CAN be interested in intimacy again OP, it is just that you fell into a certain habit of not being intimate for such a long time, that you had no choice but to accept it + that is what you ended up doing. It became your way of life and the status quo.

And now, suddenly your husband wants to change things around again which I think is really unfair. You are not a light switch that can go on and off on demand.

Yes, that is exactly what it is. I had to accept the situation, and now that I have fully accepted it, I feel it's time to leave it as it is.

[Anonymous]

This, of course, is not about sex. Get ye to a therapist. This is about your relationship. The sooner you both realize that, the better.