H wants us to separate due to loss of affection

[Anonymous]

In a nutshell: marriage of 8years, one child together. Unfortunately some of the traits my H displayed and some of his actions made me completely out of love or affection for him. I don't nag, don't criticize, I just kind of avoid him. We still have sex and do talk about our day,
But honestly for me it's one more chore. Of course he senses this and talks about separation. I would have to move cross country If we went through with it, taking the kid with me most likely.
I think it's childish of him to want to separate on these grounds. He doesn't want therapy. I went, but it just made me realize that there is not much to work on in our marriage. I am just not interested much in H.
I don't know what to do. I can't erase what he said or did when I was weak, with a small child, overwhelmed and dependent. i don't think I can respect him. However there was no physical abuse so no "real" reason to leave him

[Anonymous]

Only on DCUM is physical abuse the only reason for getting a divorce.

When did women lower their expectations so much?

[Anonymous]

If you feel like its time to part ways just do it. Don't be like me and spend 10 years hating the person I was with.

[Anonymous]

It i not childish to want love or affection. It is human nature. I would stay with you in this situation. But only if you didn't mind me getting it from somewhere else. Otherwise, you absolutely should separate. This is no way to live life.

[Anonymous]

If you don't care for him and avoid him, I think it's reasonable to separate.

[Anonymous]

Why would you have to move across the country? Generally both spouses want to see their child so both are trapped in the same place. You said you are not much interested in H. Isn't that reason to separate? I once heard that when both spouses see private therapists individually it can lead more quickly to divorce.

[Anonymous]

strange you avoid him but still have sex..i don't even know how that is possible. this doesn't sound like a working situation. your dh might be a jerk but i respect him for bringing up separation

[Anonymous]

OP here. I don't hate him. Just would rather not spend too much time with him. My family is on the other coast and COL is lower there. No way I can support myself here, even with child support.
I don't want to separate and I am ok if he finds himself someone. It's he who wants me to leave or so he said.

[Anonymous]

You sound crazy

[Anonymous]

OP is insane. You are treating your DH like shit and you don't understand why he wants to separate ? What are a fucking gold digger ?

He sounds way to nice for you.

[Anonymous]

I'd leave too, life it to short to spend with someone who tolerates you.

[Anonymous]

You think your H is going to give up his custody rights so you can move? Think carefully about the shitstorm that most likely will be coming your way. The norm for custody today, especially here, is 50-50. Either you lawyer up or figure out a serious Plan B bc it's not likely he'd let his son move to other coast w/o a fight.

[Anonymous]

My husband has said and done things I will never forget. For a time years ago, I thought we were going to divorce. However, there is still strong affection between us, and for that to have survived despite stress incurred through job losses, lack of sympathy and acrid recriminations, shouldn't it be called love?

So I ended up taking the lead on communicating better in our marriage. It was hard at first, because my husband had no clue how he was coming across and how hurtful he could be. He didn't want to see a therapist. So I modeled direct, respectful and positive communication, and called him out immediately every time he crossed a line. It was difficult, but he's gotten so much better at conveying his feelings and commenting on my own.

I feel people nowadays are so quick to write off their relationships, and not work on them.

[Anonymous]

I'm wondering how much you're overreacting about the past given your attitude on here.

[Anonymous]

it's not likely he'd let his son move to other coast w/o a fight.

It sounds like DW would be willing to leave her child behind.
Gawd ..... Love him or leave him lady. Don't wish to be mean to you, but it sounds like you can be a very cold fish.