Wife is baiting me into quitting my job
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Anonymous
| I work a lot of hours. So do most of the people in this town. I could quit or cut back (and get fired) and then she can work and I'll stay home and watch the kid and newborn. I'm sorry I get home at 6pm, but all she does is complain about how I get to be the "fun parent". Maybe I should quit and be a SAHD and let her figure out a way to have a job to support us, health insurance, pay for pre-school etc. |
Anonymous
| We're here for you OP. Let it out....vent away. |
Anonymous
| PS- 6 is late?? |
Anonymous
| The operative word here is "newborn." She sounds exhausted, emotional, and like she's venting, and you are the logical target. I'm not saying it's fair, but just consider the big picture. Sounds like she is overtired and needs some help. Maybe an occasional babysitter or mother's helper? It will pass. She isn't baiting you to quit your job. She's just resentful and grouchy right now. |
Anonymous
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The early kid years are tough on both parents. Sounds like the grind is getting to you both. Sympathy. |
Anonymous
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Maybe you should try switching roles for a while - it sounds like both of you could stand to be more compassionate about the other's day to day responsibilities.
FYI - this is totally normal relationship stress with newborns/more than one kid, etc... |
Anonymous
| Does you wife work? If not, maybe she should go back to work. It is possible for both parents to work at the same time. Not everyone is made to be a sahp. It might also take some of the stress if bread winning off of you. |
Anonymous
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How much sleep is your wife getting right now?
And what are you doing to ensure she gets some sleep? Newborn. C'mon. Your wife isn't herself right now. |
Anonymous
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Do you set rules and enforce standards when you are at home?
Being the "fun" parent is not the same as being the absent parent. No, 6 pm is not late, but when you get home, start acting like a parent, not a playmate abetting your children's bad habits. Sounds like that's the beef of your DW, not your hours. |
Anonymous
| What would happen if you acknowledged the legitimacy of her feelings? That's not the same thing as saying you're doing something wrong, just acknowledging that there are pros and cons to everyone's situation here. "I hear you. it has to be really tough being the only one here to do the grunt work all day without a break, and then watch me walk in after work and be the hero to [kid], regardless of who's been tending to his/her every need all day." No fighting, no competing for who has it worse, just acknowledging that there are tough aspects to her situation, and it's understandable that she's frustrated. You might see her attitude toward you change dramatically if she feels like she's being heard, respected, and shown compassion. |
Anonymous
| Some people do not like caring for kids. I bet your wife is one of those people. |
Anonymous
Oh please. Go away. |
Anonymous
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"Maybe you should try switching roles for a while - it sounds like both of you could stand to be more compassionate about the other's day to day responsibilities."
+1000. I get the stress of being the sole provider and having the person at home complain, but you're going from 0 to 60 in your reaction here. She may have a value concern and isn't expressing it well due to her exhaustion, and the same may be true for you. What you both need is an honest dialogue about it. Do what 12:14 suggests, and then ask her "What do you need?" And after listening and understanding, tell her what you need. |
Anonymous
| Thing is if OP's wife is sleep deprived, etc., she isn't going to be interested in or care about a rational discussion. |
Anonymous
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OP, give your wife a lot of leeway right now. She's likely tired and feels like things aren't fair. If I were in your position I would try to do a couple of the harder things when you get home (ie. brushing teeth and putting on jammies has become a battle with our 2 year old, I'd offer to take over those tasks for awhile if you aren't already).
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