feeling hurt: DD just put down in her essay that she dislike the lunch I have been preparing for her

[Anonymous]

She is 8, and always have been challenging, strong will and difficult. She has multiple life threatening food allergies, so since young, I have been fixing lunch for her to go out. I am sensing that now she is at an age where friends are more important than family. She told me that I am embarrassing her by walking her to the bus stop or showing up at school unannounced. She literally rolled her eyes at me when she saw me dropping off medical forms in her school. She wants everything that her classmates have, including school lunch. I cringed just thinking of her picking up food she is allergic too. She is also a slow eater. She hardly has time to finish the lunch I have prepared for her, but now she is asking for dessert and treats to be included in the lunchbag, just like her friends. Most of all, I think she wants the freedom to eat what her classmates are having. When she came home from school, all that she wanted to do is just read. She ignores everything and everyone, but get extremely annoyed/jeolous when her young brother did something good that won my praise. I thought she is turning into someone I know less and less of and does not share my values. I thought 8 is a very sweet age. She is sweet, when she is in school or outside of the house. I think I am failing this mother-daughter relationship.

[Anonymous]

Get a grip woman. It's fucking lunch.

[Anonymous]

Stop going to her school so much. Surely you can give her the forms to drop off at the office. Stop walking her to the bus stop. Find a dessert she can eat without dying.

[Anonymous]

It's just the beginning of adolescence. Things will be better in 10ish years. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you are a bit helicoptery. Does she understand why she can't eat school lunch? Why do you drop by school all the time? Is the bus stop close enough that you can let her walk or even semi walk (ie you walk with her a little bit and then let her walk the rest of the way but she's still in your line of sight?). Do you sing her praises too or is it constant battle?

[Anonymous]

An 8 year old doesn't share your values? Please get therapy now. My mom disliked me (and she thought it wasn't obvious!) because I wasn't exactly like her and wasn't the daughter she pictured having. Your post reeks of this same sentiment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She is 8, and always have been challenging, strong will and difficult. She has multiple life threatening food allergies, so since young, I have been fixing lunch for her to go out. I am sensing that now she is at an age where friends are more important than family. She told me that I am embarrassing her by walking her to the bus stop or showing up at school unannounced. She literally rolled her eyes at me when she saw me dropping off medical forms in her school. She wants everything that her classmates have, including school lunch. I cringed just thinking of her picking up food she is allergic too. She is also a slow eater. She hardly has time to finish the lunch I have prepared for her, but now she is asking for dessert and treats to be included in the lunchbag, just like her friends. Most of all, I think she wants the freedom to eat what her classmates are having. When she came home from school, all that she wanted to do is just read. She ignores everything and everyone, but get extremely annoyed/jeolous when her young brother did something good that won my praise. I thought she is turning into someone I know less and less of and does not share my values. I thought 8 is a very sweet age. She is sweet, when she is in school or outside of the house. I think I am failing this mother-daughter relationship.

She's 8. Give her some space and don't take it personally.

[Anonymous]

No child of any age wants to be different. However she has no choice but to be different every single day because of her allergies. In her mind life sucks and all eyes are always being drawn to her. Seeing you at school was one more time she was having attention drawn to her - what if someone might see her mom but no one else's.

Take a deep breath and separate your own feelings. It's not about you. Try to see her narrow point of view at this age. It's normal. And yes, it even gets worse through the teen years! You are cramping her style (in her mind at least) and she's just pushing back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's just the beginning of adolescence. Things will be better in 10ish years. Good luck.

Or in 10 years. Godspeed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She is 8, and always have been challenging, strong will and difficult. She has multiple life threatening food allergies, so since young, I have been fixing lunch for her to go out. I am sensing that now she is at an age where friends are more important than family. She told me that I am embarrassing her by walking her to the bus stop or showing up at school unannounced. She literally rolled her eyes at me when she saw me dropping off medical forms in her school. She wants everything that her classmates have, including school lunch. I cringed just thinking of her picking up food she is allergic too. She is also a slow eater. She hardly has time to finish the lunch I have prepared for her, but now she is asking for dessert and treats to be included in the lunchbag, just like her friends. Most of all, I think she wants the freedom to eat what her classmates are having. When she came home from school, all that she wanted to do is just read. She ignores everything and everyone, but get extremely annoyed/jeolous when her young brother did something good that won my praise. I thought she is turning into someone I know less and less of and does not share my values. I thought 8 is a very sweet age. She is sweet, when she is in school or outside of the house. I think I am failing this mother-daughter relationship.

1. Don't walk her to the bus stop.
2. Show up at school unannounced (to whom?) less, or not at all.
3. Ask her to solve the lunch problem with you, including the occasional dessert or treats that she can eat.
4. Let her read when she comes home from school. Do not expect her to provide a full report of her school day as soon as she gets home, or ever.
5. Praise her when she does something good.
6. Maintain some perspective. You are an adult. She is an eight-year-old. Also, you are separate people.

[Anonymous]

based on your post I don't like you much either. Way too much involvement, she is telling you to give her space, give it to her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She is 8, and always have been challenging, strong will and difficult. She has multiple life threatening food allergies, so since young, I have been fixing lunch for her to go out. I am sensing that now she is at an age where friends are more important than family. She told me that I am embarrassing her by walking her to the bus stop or showing up at school unannounced. She literally rolled her eyes at me when she saw me dropping off medical forms in her school. She wants everything that her classmates have, including school lunch. I cringed just thinking of her picking up food she is allergic too. She is also a slow eater. She hardly has time to finish the lunch I have prepared for her, but now she is asking for dessert and treats to be included in the lunchbag, just like her friends. Most of all, I think she wants the freedom to eat what her classmates are having. When she came home from school, all that she wanted to do is just read. She ignores everything and everyone, but get extremely annoyed/jeolous when her young brother did something good that won my praise. I thought she is turning into someone I know less and less of and does not share my values. I thought 8 is a very sweet age. She is sweet, when she is in school or outside of the house. I think I am failing this mother-daughter relationship.

1. Don't walk her to the bus stop.
2. Show up at school unannounced (to whom?) less, or not at all.
3. Ask her to solve the lunch problem with you, including the occasional dessert or treats that she can eat.
4. Let her read when she comes home from school. Do not expect her to provide a full report of her school day as soon as she gets home, or ever.
5. Praise her when she does something good.
6. Maintain some perspective. You are an adult. She is an eight-year-old. Also, you are separate people.

This is good advice. I have a child with food allergies--it is hard on them not to be able to have what everyone else is having. Definitely involve her in choosing what goes in her lunch. We hit the eye-rolling stage at 9--your daughter is advanced! Don't cave in and let her do whatever she wants (for ex, if she should be doing homework or chores instead of reading, make sure that gets done) but don't over-manage her. She is showing you that she wants to be independent--let her develop those skills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She is 8, and always have been challenging, strong will and difficult. She has multiple life threatening food allergies, so since young, I have been fixing lunch for her to go out. I am sensing that now she is at an age where friends are more important than family. She told me that I am embarrassing her by walking her to the bus stop or showing up at school unannounced. She literally rolled her eyes at me when she saw me dropping off medical forms in her school. She wants everything that her classmates have, including school lunch. I cringed just thinking of her picking up food she is allergic too. She is also a slow eater. She hardly has time to finish the lunch I have prepared for her, but now she is asking for dessert and treats to be included in the lunchbag, just like her friends. Most of all, I think she wants the freedom to eat what her classmates are having. When she came home from school, all that she wanted to do is just read. She ignores everything and everyone, but get extremely annoyed/jeolous when her young brother did something good that won my praise. I thought she is turning into someone I know less and less of and does not share my values. I thought 8 is a very sweet age. She is sweet, when she is in school or outside of the house. I think I am failing this mother-daughter relationship.

You are WAY over reacting. Doesn't share your values? You must get a grip on her before she becomes a teen or you are going to have a very rough time. She is not you, she is a different person.

Its completely fine for her to say she doesn't like the lunches. You are being way too defensive. Is it possible to find a dessert that she isn't allergic to? Because if she has to avoid so many foods her classmates are eating, at least she should have some kind of treat.

Don't walk her to the bus stop. If there is a dangerous intersection, walk her that far and let her walk the rest of the way. Do not show up at school unannounced. If you have to drop off forms give them to her in a sealed envelope to drop off and then call to make sure it happened. And what is wrong with reading? Thats all I wanted to do after school -- its pretty great. And do you ever praise ehr or do you just bag?

Finally, it soudns like you have some issues with anxiety. This is understandable with a child with life threatening allergies, but you should still see someone about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get a grip woman. It's fucking lunch.

+1

[Anonymous]

If your feelings are hurt over a lunch, you are in for a long and difficult journey, my friend.

My kids are grown and out of the house, except for our youngest. At least one of them hated me pretty much all the time. Oh well. I'm not here to be their friends. I have plenty of friends. My kids have plenty of friends. My job is to parent.

My adult children like me again now that they are grown. My 14 year old still hates me about 75% of the time. You can tell I'm all broken up over it.