is frequent moving bad for the kids?

[Anonymous]

well it looks like we're going to be moving again soon. budget is tight so we're trying to cut down on rent. can not thinking about buying right now. so, i wonder, if anyone know if there is any credible research that shows frequent moving is either good or bad or don't matter in a kid's young life? this will be our third move in three years since our kids were born, or the fourth move in five years since first pregnancy, but all within about a 5-mi radius.

if you've done similar before, please share pros and cons and how your kids adjust. tks!

[Anonymous]

why on EARTH are you moving so much? I think the real question is instability of your lives in general, not new houses (for instance, I think military kids can turn out just fine because there's underlying stability with the job, military community as a whole, etc)

[Anonymous]

How old are your kids?

FWIW - we have one daughter who is 4. We've lived in 4 different houses/apartments since she was born and two cities (moved away from DC b/c of grad school and then back to DC afterwards). She's pretty well-adjusted. So long as her toys come along, she's ok. She does talk about our 'old' houses (well, the three that she can remember) from time to time and misses friends from her old city, but she's doing fine.

That said, I am VERY interested in others' responses as we're considering leaving this area again. We just can't seem to settle down! The grass is always greener...

[Anonymous]

when they're young moving makes them SMART.

they'll develop more neural connections to get used to the new environment.

when they grow older and make friends it can be painful but just staying in the same school makes things easier.

but if you're not in the military and you don't move for work.. WHY MOVE SO MUCH?

[Anonymous]

I don't think it matters too much for the first few years, and the closer the new place the less it matters. I think moving around a lot when your children are 5-18 becomes more difficult, and particularly if you are moving between countries. teenage years are hard, but particularly so when you keep having to make new friends.

[Anonymous]

My parents moved all the time growing up, and no they were not military, but had to for work. I went to 10 schools in 12 years. Yes, it was hard at times, but it's made me more adaptable and independent than most, even some of my younger siblings, who were not forced to move as much (father finally stayed put right after I graduated high school). It made it easy to go across the country for college, live and work abroad for years...so there are pros to all those moves for me.

If you have to move, you have to move. The kids will adjust, especially when they're young. Just do what's best for your family - military, foreign service, etc kids do it all the time.

[Anonymous]

OP here -

tks for your replies.

my kids are 3 & 5.

we move (this time) strictly for budgetary reasons. our lease is up and we want to cut down on rent. we don't HAVE to move and can keep paying the current rent without much stress, but would LOVE to have the chance to spend 30% less on rent and put that toward a down-payment when the time comes. i don't think we're going to lose our jobs but you never know in this economy.

on the other hand, if it could be negative to the kids obviously we'd have to think hard about this.

[Anonymous]

If it makes you feel better, we have moved house 4 times since kids were born 4 years ago (8 times if you include temporary accommodation for a month at a time while waiting for things to be shipped, house to be built ... ) with 3 international moves - all by choice - and they are absolutely fine. We are renting so will have to move again in a year (to save rent so we can get a deposit) and then again when we buy. We're not worried about it - more worried about keeping the school and friends constant as much as possible from now on (although that may have to change depending on where we buy). I think school is more important for stability.

[Anonymous]

We moved 12 times since I was born until I left for college. My parents rented and were always looking for a better house to rent. The only thing that I didn't like about it was that my school friends lived in houses where they had grown up and I didn't. To this day I miss having a place I can call "the home where I grew up." I took DH back home to visit and I had to give him a tour of all the houses I'd lived in. He lived in one apartment from birth to when he left home so it seemed mind boggling to him that we moved so much.

I went on to earn a Ph.D., get a great job, marry a saint and have a beautiful baby girl, so I think I didn't turn out too bad .

[Anonymous]

From what I understand, the most important thing is continuity of caregivers, ie, parents ideally, and not location.

Kids will feel secure if mom and dad are around.

My husband and his sister were military kids, moved every four years, and both are incredibly secure, outgoing adults who make friends so much easier than I do! They are also both incredibly close to each other and their parents. INCREDIBLY.

[Anonymous]

Our DD is 5. Since her birth we have moved house 7 times (bought, sold, rented for short periods) with another move coming up within the next two months and possibly another one after that depending on our next move. No adverse effects whatsoever. Our daughter is a very independent child who loves to explore and isn't afraid of change. Does this have anything to do with the moves? I can't answer that. But I will offer you some advice....

Make the move fun. Take your children with you to look at new potential houses/apartments. Keep them aware that change is coming and make it an exciting adventure. Allow them freedom to explore and make them believe they have somewhat of a say in where you end up renting.

Our daughter loves looking at new homes. She races through a house identifying her room, our room, play areas. She even tells us when she doesn't like a house.

Trust me, if you're fine, your kids will be fine. Best of luck...

[Anonymous]

We moved about 10 times when I was growing up. It made me very social and it's fun to sort of "reinvent yourself" in a new school. I wouldn't worry about it.

[Anonymous]

Military brat here. We moved a dozen times growing up 5 of them international moves: Saudi Arabia, Germany, Japan, UK, and Guam. We also lived in Alaska.

There were 3 of us kids. Sometimes moving sucked because we left our good friends and often it was a relief because we got to start new. It has its up and down.

All 3 of us are very social and adaptable. I'm not afraid of change and can easily blend into new situations. Many people have anxiety with starting a new job or doing something totally new, but not me. I find it exciting. I also have a bit of a bug in my to move around alot. Right now I have a huge itch to move to Central America. My "steady Eddie" hubby is not so keen on the idea, full of "what if's" and fear. I think I will always have a bit of a free bird in me because of my upbringing.

Back to you...you are ONLY moving within a small radius. This is not a big deal. Don't worry. You have to do what is right for your family. It will be much better for everyone if you can relieve some of the financial pressure you are experiencing. Don't beat yourself up for making the best decision for your family and ignore the poster implying that you are instable.

I know my mom too struggled with the military life and how it might have impacted us kids, but I'm grateful to have lived all over the world. These experiences were wonderful and it gave us kids a lesson we could have never learned in school. I would not have it any other way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:when they're young moving makes them SMART.

they'll develop more neural connections to get used to the new environment.

There's no empirical evidence of a developmental advantage in moving frequently. Sorry.

Stability is important. If you need to move for financial reasons, do it, but then stay for awhile.

[Anonymous]

9:41 again. If moving one more time will reduce stress because it helps you save money, good. But the posters who keep talking about "military brats" are drawing a parallel that's inaccurate. You're not moving from state to state or country to country for work; you don't have the built-in support network of military families behind you. Instead, you're moving (thus creating stress) within a central location to save money (thus reducing stress). Again, it could be a great idea to do it this time. But I wouldn't continue to do it.