Jewelry Gift from DH - Not At All My Style
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Anonymous
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DH just got back from a long business trip and brought me back a very expensive (for us) piece of jewelry that I frankly kind of hate. It is not ugly, but completely not my style, too formal for every day wear but not formal enough for evening. Plus it looks like I could have picked it out of the clearance bin at Marshalls, yet he told me it was very expensive (so I wouldn't get a shock when the cc bill hit.)
He said he bought it to say thanks for all I did during his many trips recently (true, he was gone a bit more than usual this summer and I was basically a single full -time working mom for most of it). He also said he splurged because he rarely buys me anything (also true, but that is our usual MO and I don't expect it.) So while I truly appreciate the sweet gesture of my genuinely great husband, I am having a hard time because he spent a lot of money (approximately 25% of our monhly budget) on something that I don't like or will likely be wearing often. Returning it is not an option, he got it overseas. I just said thank you, that was very sweet of you, but not sure if I should tell him the whole truth, given there is not much I can do about it. WWYD? |
Anonymous
I think you should just roll with it. Since it can't be returned, there's nothing to be gained from telling him the truth. Clench your teeth and wear it a couple times, then hopefully he'll forget about it. 
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Anonymous
| Just say thank you. He did something very nice. Do not tell h that's it's not your style if you'd like him to repeat the gesture. Wear it occasionally. |
Anonymous
| Same thing happened to me. I wore it out so DH could see I wore it and Every time I did, I received a ton of compliments. It started to grow on me and is now one of my preferred pieces of jewelry |
Anonymous
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Wear it. Accept the love it came with, the appreciation from DH.
Heck, go buy something you can wear it with. |
Anonymous
OP here - I think this is an ecxellent plan. And the other PP is right as well, it might grow on me. Thanks, I feel better now. And I truly do appreciate the gesture. |
Anonymous
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Agree with PP advice.
But. If the dollar mount spent bothers you, later on bring up with him that while you truly appreciate the gesture, it makes you uncomfortable for him to spend such large sums of money without your input, and ask him to limit surprise purchases to $X dollars. I say that because for me I could brush it off and look on the bright side once, but would have real trouble about the dollars being used for things I didn't want if it meant things I would truly value (say a nice family vacation) then couldn't happen or would have to be put off. Basically separate the issues: (1) Him surprising you with a gift that's not really your style: focus on the gesture, let the piece grow on you, and wear it out on a date since it will make him happy. (2) Him spending 25% of your monthly budget without your input: let him know if that is not something you are ready to deal with, especially if the money comes from joint funds. If it's 'his' money and this isn't an issue you can ignore this. |
Anonymous
One thing to consider with the money is DH may be getting a per diem to cover meals and expenses when he travels and could be spending less on meals and banking part of the per diem. |
Anonymous
Don't do this. He will see right through it. |
Anonymous
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Well, the money does bother me quite a bit. I could have spent the same amount in fifteen diferent ways and would have been a lot happier. If it was $100 or thereabouts I would just say "Thanks, babe, it's awesome!", wear it a few times and be done. But it was a lot of money, (yes, we have joint finances), and perhaps even more than that I think what bugs me is that after 15+ years of marriage DH still doesn't seem to know me. Of all the things I could spend $ on, jewelery is pretty close to the bottom of the list, so for him to go outside of both of our financial comfort zones for a questionable piece at best is weird.
Oh, and I did wear it out today (we went out for a family lunch), and it is really poorly designed as well, something that probably is only apparent upon wearing it - it does not lay flat like it is supposed to, but twists up and gets out of "alignment" with every move, so I keep playing with it non-stop to keep fixing it. Ugh! (Yes, I know I sound like a spoiled brat, but since I can't really say anything to him I am just venting here. Talk about first world problems. I will go away now - thanks for listening!) |
Anonymous
| I'll trade you the kokopelli earrings my DH brought back from a biz trip to Denver last year. |
Anonymous
| I have a Michael Kors purse I can trade with someone. Be aware, however, it has the giant MK all over it. |
Anonymous
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Lol pp - googled the earrings. Truly hideous! So sorry.
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Anonymous
+ 1. This happened to me as well and that is exactly what I did. It also grew on me and I get complimented for it and it makes DH feel great. Very early in my marriage I was advised not to criticize DH when he cooks (and makes a mess in the kitchen), takes me out to a restaurant (and the food and service is not great), books a vacation (and the hotel, rental is not stellar), takes me to a movie (and it is boring) - because what matters is that he thought of me. 20 years of being married and people compliment me about how great my DH is. The trick is not to criticize anything they do with good intention however misguided it may be, else, men tend to not do such kind of things for you. BTW - this advice came from my mom, when I called her to complain that the jewelry DH got me was super expensive and not my taste. 20 years ago. |
Anonymous
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Since returning it is out of the question, then the only other option would be to try to sell it but I imagine that would create a lot of hurt feelings that wouldn't be worth recouping the money back in order to purchase something that you would actually wear.
Try to look beyond the atrocity of the gift as hard as it may be to do so, for the love and sake of your loving husband...And try to just suck it up this one time. There is a loving thought behind the actual tangible gift + if you can focus more on that aspect, then I think that will make it easier to deal with. That is what I would do. |