Do you get personal time away from DH/DW?
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
DH always want to go out with me regardless. He always wants to know when I arrive or when I leave. If you try to exclude him, he will be upset or make me feel guilty about leaving him behind. He said I am worry about you. I just want to know you arrive safely. I appreciated his love but I'm tired with this and try and hint that I/people need personal time but he doesn't get this.
Is this normal to other couples? How do I talk it through without making him upset? |
Anonymous
|
We text all the time and do let each other know when we have arrived somewhere. There is rarely a time when I don't know where he is. We mostly do things as a couple in our free time. He does play a sport twice a week for an hour and I do a hobby once a week for two hours but otherwise we go out together.
We often touch base while we are out if not together. Letting each other know how long till we will be home or what errand we are running. I would probably be worried to if he went out and I didn't know where he was or when he would be back. |
Anonymous
| ^ I should add that this happens very casually and fluidly. |
Anonymous
| We generally know where each other is but will regularly leave the other without notice to run errands, go for a run, go to the library, etc. knowing the other will be back before too long. We have our phones in case something comes up. We rarely "check in" or let the other know we arrived safely, as that seems a bit cloying to us. |
Anonymous
|
DH really likes to do things "as a family." This seems to especially kick in on activities like if he wants to go to the grocery store - doesn't ever want to do it without company. If I go out with my friends he's usually pretty annoying before I leave, like, "what am I supposed to do while you're gone," but then when I get back he's having a grand old time pigging out on junk food and watching Deadliest Catch. Yes, I appear to have married a 13 year old boy.
As far as checking in/checking out, we have a pretty good idea of where the other is at any given point in the day, but we don't check in when we arrive/depart somewhere. If he gets home half an hour later than usual from work I usually assume something came up or there's bad traffic or whatever. If he's an hour or more late I might start to worry and text him. |
Anonymous
My DH and I spend a lot of time together. We both have office jobs and have e-mail chat up throughout the day, so I can see when he gets to work (he logins in to e-mail) and when he is active or not. We both will let each other know when we are headed home, during the work week. During the weekend, I would let him know if I was headed out to do something. Often he will want to come along, but there are plenty of times when I run errands alone or he will run errands alone. That being said, I am always pretty sure where he is. I think it is reasonable to ask for some personal time. Have you tried being direct with him and saying something like, "I really need some quiet time to decompress. I am going to go do XYZ for the afternoon, but I will be home by 5 and I would really enjoy going out to dinner with you when I get back." Everyone needs time to themselves. Just be honest. |
Anonymous
| No, I wish my husband did. He'll encourage me to shop alone. |
Anonymous
Is he really concerned about your safety or is he making sure you're not around so he can cheat? I have an overly active imagination, I know. Chances are, he's just needy which isn't a good sign, either. If you are going to be late, it's courteous to text or call to let him know. Or if plans change, again, just the courteous thing to do. Does he text YOU when he is out? If not, then his behavior is no longer "sweet and concerned for your safety," it enters the realm of controlling. Was he like this when you were dating? You need to figure out what you are comfortable with, example, you will text when you get there but not when you are leaving. Then DO IT. If he calls, let it go to VM or ignore the texts. Hope it works out. |
Anonymous
|
No. That isn't normal.
-signed Mom who takes the kids to visit my relatives and DH goes on vacation without us doing stuff he likes (that I don't). |
Anonymous
| Yes, we each do. We each have taken separate "vacations" with buddies- so far no more than a long weekend. |
Anonymous
| On an extended drive, I would text/call my husband. If I go to the mall? We do not text, but I generally give him an idea of when to expect me home. We do NOT run errands together--ever. Call me crazy, all that togetherness would make me nuts. We shop very differently. In your case, be honest,tell him you need some alone time. Tell him when you will return and stick to the schedule and he will get used to it. Good luck. |
Anonymous
|
That would make me nuts.
I am an introvert and NEED time away from my family occasionally. |
Anonymous
|
OP. He is not a cheater. I can be sure about that. When I let him go out to his meet up close by, he doesn't text me. He always do thing together even grocery or shopping. But then he usually show that he doesn't like it when I take my time.
Well, I don't remember he being like this when we we were dating. We dated only a year. He know where I will be but still want me to text him when I get there. For example, I went to see my aunt one time, he asked me to text him when I arrived. Another,i went on a 2 weeks vacayion to see my mom oversea he emailed me every day saying how he missed me and was waiting to see me again and sent sad face emoticons. My trip wasn't so great because I felt like that made him sad. This is too annoying that i avoid going out by myself so I don't have to deal with it. But now the ",do together" things all the time make me feel suffocated. DH said you choose to marry me, why are you doing non-family things and/or exclude me from your plans. How much alone time is reasonable? |
Anonymous
|
Op - your post if is a bit confusing.
It seems if he goes out with his friends and you go on trips to your aunts and to your mothers that you do have time apart. I am not sure why you shop together all the time - do you both drive? do you both have access to finances? It is completley normal for a spouse to want to know you have arrived safely when you travel somewhere - i.e. to see your aunt. There are also many women who want their spouse to check in daily while they are away - go find that thread about the woman whose boyfriend was away for a week and some posters thought that him only texting twice a day was insufficient and that he should be calling her. Maybe in the past he dated a woman like that, who wanted to be called daily while away. I don't think checking in daily with your spouse when they are overseas is unreasonable. Do you work? Are you away from your spouse during the day? Do you love him? Do you want to be with him? it seems you are kind of looking for little things to be annoyed about. |
Anonymous
|
OP. Answering PP's questions
In 8 years together, those 2 times + 2 girl only baby showers are the only I am alone without him somewhere. My aunt lives 30 min driving away only and we see her once a month or two month. I think it doesn't need check in. Ok, the oversea travel checking everyday is reasonable. He goes out with his friend recently almost every week. He asked me to go but I have nothing to do there so I don't go. We shop together because he asks to go with me every time I say "I will go to Wal-Mart or I need to do grocery". We work FT but we text everyday (he started first most of the time) I am sure love him and want to be with him but this seems too much controlling to me. There are lot more things that I am annoyed right now with him but not this one. I want to know if it is normal to couple out there or is it just me so I can adjust or ask him for some alone time. |