HS Party with Alcohol... Death

[Anonymous]

What is there to gain from high school students going to these parties?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As parents we can do lots of things to try to hold off the drinking, but at some point our influence decreases and and the outside influences increase. If we are fortunate, we have equipped them with the power to make smart, safe decisions.

This this this.

Agreed, but how many kids are really able to make smart, safe decisions after that first drink?

Zero.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is there to gain from high school students going to these parties?

Nothing. The point is that parents have less control over HS teens, they have more independence, and hopefully they make good choices. Very few parents are fine sending a HS kid to a drinking party. Most parents are fine sending a HS kid to a friend's house to watch a movie or sporting event.

What will they do when (not if) a friend brings out a flask of vodka and starts mixing drinks? Host parents are there but not in the same room and are unaware.

Our kids have demonstrated enough responsibility to earn our trust to hang out at their friends' houses. We talk to their friends' parents. We've taken steps to make sure its a safe environment. We talk with our son regularly. There's still a risk. But I'm not going to lock him in his bedroom until he goes off to college in a year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Well they aren't kids so... they "can" go to parties. But 28 year olds don't really go to Parties, maybe a cookout or a dinner party, but "parties" are not a reality for that age and beyond. Maybe an 80's themed "party" but still, it is not the classic, a bunch of people that really don't know each other get together and "party", it's generally 6-10 couples and some single thrown in getting together, it's not something posted on social media for all to join.

The 22 year old goes to pubs with friends but hates clubs. Generally, they meet for dinner, wings to watch a game... but "parties" ... not really. None of them own houses yet so the cookout/dinner party thing has not kicked in.

The 15 yo went to a "party" last year, but it had police doing security... still some kids showed up drunk and tried to bring alcohol. He has lost a lot of friends, so did the 22/28 year old at this age. They are going their way of parties and he is finding the "new group" that like to do other things. It is not easy. There are lot of Saturday nights doing nothing, or playing video games with a few friends, because dry parties are not cool.

I am not saying they never broke the rules, all kids try to push them limits in one way or another.

I go to parties, and I'm 47. On the other hand, I don't define "party" as "a huge affair where lots of people who don't know each other get really drunk".

[Anonymous]

According to high school students, a party isn't a party without alcohol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is there to gain from high school students going to these parties?

Nothing. The point is that parents have less control over HS teens, they have more independence, and hopefully they make good choices. Very few parents are fine sending a HS kid to a drinking party. Most parents are fine sending a HS kid to a friend's house to watch a movie or sporting event.

What will they do when (not if) a friend brings out a flask of vodka and starts mixing drinks? Host parents are there but not in the same room and are unaware.

Our kids have demonstrated enough responsibility to earn our trust to hang out at their friends' houses. We talk to their friends' parents. We've taken steps to make sure its a safe environment. We talk with our son regularly. There's still a risk. But I'm not going to lock him in his bedroom until he goes off to college in a year.

And this is my definition of good parenting -- not approving of alcohol use, but knowing that it is a real factor, and finding a balance between controlling and giving independence

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it possible to teach the kids to drink responsible? Is you are going to do it (most teenagers do it) don't drive under any circumstances. Similarly that using protection if you are going to,have sex.

This was/is my approach with my 20 year old son. In addition to making sure he knows I will come get him under any circumstances no questions asked, I also make sure he has uber money for his out of state college. I don't think he is above the law or should drink, but he is entering his junior year of college and it's not practical or logical to just say no at this point. I don't think my son would ever drink and drive, but it's like that dateline program where the 4 years old went with the stranger who told them there was a lost puppy- all the preschool parents said "not my kid" and most the kids in the testing sample took off with the guy. Parenting a 18-21 year old inst easy, and those who haven't done it yet should hold judgement.

Does he drink at home?

No. He and his friends come to our house to eat and socialize (we have always been the welcoming, open kool aid house) and I always cook for them and have age appropriate munchies. We have a piano and guitars, they eat, play music, play video games then go "out." With "people." I get no more information than that, even though I am fairly close not just to my son with but with his friends as well. I ask him to text me if he is staying the night at someones home or apartment so I don't worry (which he does 90% of the time.) He has a car. I would say about 1/2 the time they go "out" with "people" he comes back home, and about 1/2 the time he rolls in about 11 AM after having already slept somewhere. He is taking summer college classes, as well as interning in a major appropriate business 3 days a week, and he has never not made Deans List, so I would classify him as a good kid. I know he has also tried Molly, and that he does drink, but never at home. He has a very wide circle of friends and is very social. I could wake up being Sam Ellis's mom someday, but any of us could. There but for the grace of god go any of our children. I'm sure Sams mother loves Sam as much as you love your child. There are no easy answers and by backing your almost adult or adult age child into a corner of compliance you aren't allowing them to become adults. We need to talk about ways to keep them safe in the real world. To be honest, though, I don't know if I would let a daughter have the freedom my son has. It's not fair, but it's a different and scarier world out there for girls.

My sons (19 and 22) are similar to this PP. We do our best to emphasize moderation and being responsible -- no drinking and driving, take an Uber home or sleep at a friends' house if drinking, also the importance of making good choices with sex, especially if drinking is involved. It isn't easy. Our kids are "good kids" but even good kids make errors in judgment sometimes.

So, the solution is to let your kids drink at underage parties and train them to call Uber or a parent?

My parents also told me to never get in a car with a drunk driver and to call them instead, no matter how late. I never did it because I knew if I called them at midnight for a ride home, I'd be grounded for the next year. So we took our chances because we were teenagers who don't always make the best decisions. DH and I are trying to figure out how well handle this in ten years (we have preschoolers).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:According to high school students, a party isn't a party without alcohol.

Really? I knew a lot of high school students who didn't drink and I know some now who do not. Don't extrapolate your experience on to others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:According to high school students, a party isn't a party without alcohol.

Really? I knew a lot of high school students who didn't drink and I know some now who do not. Don't extrapolate your experience on to others.

Of course some kids don't drink, nor do they party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:According to high school students, a party isn't a party without alcohol.

And that's been true since most of us were kids. Not condoning it by any means, but where do the adults on this board come from that teens going to parties with alcohol is a foreign concept? I've lived on three continents and high school kids drinking at private homes is nothing new.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:According to high school students, a party isn't a party without alcohol.

And that's been true since most of us were kids. Not condoning it by any means, but where do the adults on this board come from that teens going to parties with alcohol is a foreign concept? I've lived on three continents and high school kids drinking at private homes is nothing new.

Where but here do teens drink and drive?

I also have lived internationally, and I know of no other culture were parents routinely permit their drinking teens to have the car keys to get home after a party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:According to high school students, a party isn't a party without alcohol.

And that's been true since most of us were kids. Not condoning it by any means, but where do the adults on this board come from that teens going to parties with alcohol is a foreign concept? I've lived on three continents and high school kids drinking at private homes is nothing new.

Where but here do teens drink and drive?

I also have lived internationally, and I know of no other culture were parents routinely permit their drinking teens to have the car keys to get home after a party.

So what do other countries do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:According to high school students, a party isn't a party without alcohol.

And that's been true since most of us were kids. Not condoning it by any means, but where do the adults on this board come from that teens going to parties with alcohol is a foreign concept? I've lived on three continents and high school kids drinking at private homes is nothing new.

Where but here do teens drink and drive?

I also have lived internationally, and I know of no other culture were parents routinely permit their drinking teens to have the car keys to get home after a party.

So what do other countries do?

Depends on their options.
What will you do, is the question.

[Anonymous]

You know, I think it would be great if our culture changed to the point where teens won't even consider driving home after a night out with any alcohol. I think the culture has already started changing in this direction. When I was in high school and especially college I'm ashamed to say I often drove after a night of drinking. It was a different time and there wasn't Uber or easy availability of taxis. I think we have to continue to work on creating better transportation options for young people who drink.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:According to high school students, a party isn't a party without alcohol.

And that's been true since most of us were kids. Not condoning it by any means, but where do the adults on this board come from that teens going to parties with alcohol is a foreign concept? I've lived on three continents and high school kids drinking at private homes is nothing new.

Where but here do teens drink and drive?

I also have lived internationally, and I know of no other culture were parents routinely permit their drinking teens to have the car keys to get home after a party.

So what do other countries do?

Depends on their options.
What will you do, is the question.

I asked that sincerely. Thanks for a useless response.