Are you offended when someone says they “didnt want someone else to raise my kids”?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I get it, because it’s true, even if people don’t want to admit that’s what’s happening when children are in full-time daycare. But in polite society we avoid saying things that might hurt someone’s feelings, regardless of whether it’s truthful or not.

But it’s not truthful. My kids went to daycare, and, sure, their daycare teachers, who were all wonderful, provided care during the workday. But my spouse and I made the decisions on how to parent, which included finding great caregivers.

If your children go to daycare for 10-11 (7-6 or 7:30-5:30) hours a day for the first 4-5 years of life and sleep 10-12 hours a night then you are not spending 4-5 hours with them each day 70% of the week. How is this controversial? You are outsourcing a lot of parenting duties to other caregivers. Someone saying that they don’t want to do that is not wrong. And I’m saying this as a full time working parent.

I actually did the math with my neighbor who was a SAHM and I did spend more 1-1 time with my kids than she did.

1st. My H's time counted and I know many of SAHP's who are the 1st to tell you that their H does nothing, works late, travels a lot.
2nd: She did not take into account napping, time in front of TV, time they were in the basement playing and she was futzing around.

I don't think a SAHP should be connected at the hip and I think that independent time is valuable but the reality is she was not spending more 1-1 time with her child than I was.

I think you are mistaken. There's just simply not a chance that you spend more 1-1 time with kids than a SAHP unless the SAHP is outsourcing a ton of childcare. Your kids never play in the basement or nap or watch TV when you're with them? And how much time during the day are the SAHP neighbor's kids doing that? 2 hrs out of a 8+ hour work day...your math isn't mathing.

And there’s the rub. I think because she is home so much she doesn’t even think about doing things with her kids.

I think because I’m not home all day as soon as I get home I want to get outside I take them to the park, Or we go for a hike, We hit a museum, Or walk around the zoo.

in fact when I get home from work the neighbor whose H was sick and she asked me to watch her kids, I immediately pick them up and take them with me to do these things.

The woman who is complaining that she wasn’t chosen to be the caregiver is like sure just send them to my house. They can watch TV or play in the yard while I make dinner or entertain my child in the basement.

Assuming this is all true, your neighbor is n=1. Your neighbor is not representative of the vast majority of SAHP. Nor does your post, however unnecessarily involved, get at the original question of whether it was ok for someone to say they didn’t want their kids raised by strangers.

You go hiking, biking, your kids tube on the lake behind your house every afternoon at 2 pm while you drive the boat before going to the Metropolitan Museum of Art and discuss El Greco for six hours. We get it. You’re amazing! Tahoe by day, NYC by afternoon. You never go to Costco. You work 190 hours per week at work and get out by 3 pm to pick up your kid from daycare and play laser tag before you coach soccer and you make $280K!

Pretty much except I work 40 hours and my H the same.

It can work if you want it to.

But if you want to SAH and have a absent h and that works for you because he needs to work 190 hours a week to pick up your slack go for it just stop being so defensive about how other families have figured out how to work and be there for their kids.

DP here. Except the problem with your argument is that lots of families with a SAHM have a Dad who is not absent at all, works a 35 hour week and has tons of flexibility to be at events, coach teams, etc. I know many families like this, including ours.

Glad they figured it out too. They tend to be absent from these discussions because there’s a lot of … its impossible to work my H is big law or surgeon and I could only find hubs that had me out of the house from 6-6.

But I agree the majority of families working or with a SAHP don’t have these crazy situations where one or the other parent isn’t home most of the time.

The idea kids are in daycare 8 or 10 or 12 hours are just horror stories made up to justify not working. Most kids have about 3-4 waking hours in other people’s care until they go to school then it’s about 7 hours whether you work or not, unless you homeschool …Except teen athletes they are gone all day.

So many families have figured it out but I guess someone has to marry surgeons and big law partners. Actually they usually have a few wives throughout their life.

Lady, you’re officially batsh!t crazy. Or a troll. Or both.

Most working people have a schedule that vaguely falls around 9-5:30 plus morning and evening commute. How can you live in this area and apparently not know a single Fed, let alone dual Fed couples?

Feds can work a 6-2:30 schedule while the other parent works 9:30-6.

That means 1 parent does am and the other does afternoons.

Not all feds can do this. If you work with a lot of west coast or Pacific island folks in a national program, you can't get off at 2:30 (my situation). Plenty of offices have core hours starting before 9 and ending after 3. Some jobs require specific shifts (e.g. any law enforcement or customer facing job).

Shift work is perfect. No care or very little care needed.

I didn’t say everyone can do that but many feds do. The vast majority of feds and contractors who work at fed agencies. Also many time IT staff work shortened day and do upgrades after hours.

People who are doing research don’t need to read and write 9-5.

I agree don’t work for DOD.

Our core hours are 10-2.

If this is accurate, you’ll never get promoted or mange anyone. Working four hours a day is ripping off taxpayers and it’s lazy. I’m a fed and there’s no way this would fly at my agency or with me if I was your manager. Whatever you think you’re proving here about childcare you’re not. You’re just making feds look like they take advantage of WFH.

I not only got promoted but I have incentive pay.

no one working 10-2 doing the work day is getting this. This is your personal fantasy because you can’t stand that someone is a SAHP but instead of accepting that you are masquerading as a fed working a 20 hour week getting promoted. I’m sure you’re the head of the FBI. I’m sure you’re doing it all. Whatever you need to hear that you didn’t hear as a kid here you go.

I was just going to comment that I know some feds who probably barely clock in 20 hours. They are the ones who earn 100-150k, barely work and not getting promoted. These friends are always available to hang out or go to their kids appointments, drive them to school, to sports, etc. I don’t think you can compare someone like this to a big law partner, C level executive, surgeon, etc

Yeah. I think it’s fair to say someone working 20 hours a week making $100K is not the same as an NEO or Section 16 employee let alone a surgeon.

100k is like 50k when I graduated from college 20+ years ago so if a 40 something year old is coasting on this salary, that person doesn’t need to work very hard.

I can think of 2 annoying women in my life who could be the pp saying she spends equal time with her kids or they don’t need childcare. They don’t have high earning husbands so husbands also flex. They absolutely do spend a lot of time with kids and not so much time working. One friend wakes up and wiggles her mouse at 6 so she starts work then. Then goes for a run or bikes on her peloton, showers, answers an email, gets kids ready for school, drives kids to school and starts work at 930 but she has already clocked in for 3.5 hours. So someone like pp who does this can spend the same amount of time with kids if kids are in school.

When you have a real job no one tracks when you answer your first email. It’s about your work. And answering an email or emails for 5-20 minutes is not work. It’s ancillary. But you’d only know that if you had a job that required real work.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get it, because it’s true, even if people don’t want to admit that’s what’s happening when children are in full-time daycare. But in polite society we avoid saying things that might hurt someone’s feelings, regardless of whether it’s truthful or not.

But it’s not truthful. My kids went to daycare, and, sure, their daycare teachers, who were all wonderful, provided care during the workday. But my spouse and I made the decisions on how to parent, which included finding great caregivers.

If your children go to daycare for 10-11 (7-6 or 7:30-5:30) hours a day for the first 4-5 years of life and sleep 10-12 hours a night then you are not spending 4-5 hours with them each day 70% of the week. How is this controversial? You are outsourcing a lot of parenting duties to other caregivers. Someone saying that they don’t want to do that is not wrong. And I’m saying this as a full time working parent.

I actually did the math with my neighbor who was a SAHM and I did spend more 1-1 time with my kids than she did.

1st. My H's time counted and I know many of SAHP's who are the 1st to tell you that their H does nothing, works late, travels a lot.
2nd: She did not take into account napping, time in front of TV, time they were in the basement playing and she was futzing around.

I don't think a SAHP should be connected at the hip and I think that independent time is valuable but the reality is she was not spending more 1-1 time with her child than I was.

I think you are mistaken. There's just simply not a chance that you spend more 1-1 time with kids than a SAHP unless the SAHP is outsourcing a ton of childcare. Your kids never play in the basement or nap or watch TV when you're with them? And how much time during the day are the SAHP neighbor's kids doing that? 2 hrs out of a 8+ hour work day...your math isn't mathing.

And there’s the rub. I think because she is home so much she doesn’t even think about doing things with her kids.

I think because I’m not home all day as soon as I get home I want to get outside I take them to the park, Or we go for a hike, We hit a museum, Or walk around the zoo.

in fact when I get home from work the neighbor whose H was sick and she asked me to watch her kids, I immediately pick them up and take them with me to do these things.

The woman who is complaining that she wasn’t chosen to be the caregiver is like sure just send them to my house. They can watch TV or play in the yard while I make dinner or entertain my child in the basement.

Assuming this is all true, your neighbor is n=1. Your neighbor is not representative of the vast majority of SAHP. Nor does your post, however unnecessarily involved, get at the original question of whether it was ok for someone to say they didn’t want their kids raised by strangers.

You go hiking, biking, your kids tube on the lake behind your house every afternoon at 2 pm while you drive the boat before going to the Metropolitan Museum of Art and discuss El Greco for six hours. We get it. You’re amazing! Tahoe by day, NYC by afternoon. You never go to Costco. You work 190 hours per week at work and get out by 3 pm to pick up your kid from daycare and play laser tag before you coach soccer and you make $280K!

Pretty much except I work 40 hours and my H the same.

It can work if you want it to.

But if you want to SAH and have a absent h and that works for you because he needs to work 190 hours a week to pick up your slack go for it just stop being so defensive about how other families have figured out how to work and be there for their kids.

DP here. Except the problem with your argument is that lots of families with a SAHM have a Dad who is not absent at all, works a 35 hour week and has tons of flexibility to be at events, coach teams, etc. I know many families like this, including ours.

Glad they figured it out too. They tend to be absent from these discussions because there’s a lot of … its impossible to work my H is big law or surgeon and I could only find hubs that had me out of the house from 6-6.

But I agree the majority of families working or with a SAHP don’t have these crazy situations where one or the other parent isn’t home most of the time.

The idea kids are in daycare 8 or 10 or 12 hours are just horror stories made up to justify not working. Most kids have about 3-4 waking hours in other people’s care until they go to school then it’s about 7 hours whether you work or not, unless you homeschool …Except teen athletes they are gone all day.

So many families have figured it out but I guess someone has to marry surgeons and big law partners. Actually they usually have a few wives throughout their life.

Lady, you’re officially batsh!t crazy. Or a troll. Or both.

Most working people have a schedule that vaguely falls around 9-5:30 plus morning and evening commute. How can you live in this area and apparently not know a single Fed, let alone dual Fed couples?

Feds can work a 6-2:30 schedule while the other parent works 9:30-6.

That means 1 parent does am and the other does afternoons.

Not all feds can do this. If you work with a lot of west coast or Pacific island folks in a national program, you can't get off at 2:30 (my situation). Plenty of offices have core hours starting before 9 and ending after 3. Some jobs require specific shifts (e.g. any law enforcement or customer facing job).

Shift work is perfect. No care or very little care needed.

I didn’t say everyone can do that but many feds do. The vast majority of feds and contractors who work at fed agencies. Also many time IT staff work shortened day and do upgrades after hours.

People who are doing research don’t need to read and write 9-5.

I agree don’t work for DOD.

Our core hours are 10-2.

If this is accurate, you’ll never get promoted or mange anyone. Working four hours a day is ripping off taxpayers and it’s lazy. I’m a fed and there’s no way this would fly at my agency or with me if I was your manager. Whatever you think you’re proving here about childcare you’re not. You’re just making feds look like they take advantage of WFH.

I not only got promoted but I have incentive pay.

no one working 10-2 doing the work day is getting this. This is your personal fantasy because you can’t stand that someone is a SAHP but instead of accepting that you are masquerading as a fed working a 20 hour week getting promoted. I’m sure you’re the head of the FBI. I’m sure you’re doing it all. Whatever you need to hear that you didn’t hear as a kid here you go.

I was just going to comment that I know some feds who probably barely clock in 20 hours. They are the ones who earn 100-150k, barely work and not getting promoted. These friends are always available to hang out or go to their kids appointments, drive them to school, to sports, etc. I don’t think you can compare someone like this to a big law partner, C level executive, surgeon, etc

Yeah. I think it’s fair to say someone working 20 hours a week making $100K is not the same as an NEO or Section 16 employee let alone a surgeon.

Did someone say that it was?

The person I was responding to was clarifying that they know other underachievers like you and felt it was helpful to call out you were not like a surgeon or clevel. I was responding to that. Do you only read during your core hours?

I wild to see how irrationally angry you get at my amazing work schedule.

I make more than twice what you are your husband make and that’s a fraction of my HHI. I also see my husband in and morning and at night. I feel bad that you guys don’t have the intellectual capability to get better jobs, but you seem like you’re proud of barely working so a real job wouldn’t work out. I have lots of respect for working parents and stay at home parents. Parents who pretend to work and parent at the same time and do a bad job of both- those are the people I don’t respect. I feel bad for you and your kids.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get it, because it’s true, even if people don’t want to admit that’s what’s happening when children are in full-time daycare. But in polite society we avoid saying things that might hurt someone’s feelings, regardless of whether it’s truthful or not.

But it’s not truthful. My kids went to daycare, and, sure, their daycare teachers, who were all wonderful, provided care during the workday. But my spouse and I made the decisions on how to parent, which included finding great caregivers.

If your children go to daycare for 10-11 (7-6 or 7:30-5:30) hours a day for the first 4-5 years of life and sleep 10-12 hours a night then you are not spending 4-5 hours with them each day 70% of the week. How is this controversial? You are outsourcing a lot of parenting duties to other caregivers. Someone saying that they don’t want to do that is not wrong. And I’m saying this as a full time working parent.

I actually did the math with my neighbor who was a SAHM and I did spend more 1-1 time with my kids than she did.

1st. My H's time counted and I know many of SAHP's who are the 1st to tell you that their H does nothing, works late, travels a lot.
2nd: She did not take into account napping, time in front of TV, time they were in the basement playing and she was futzing around.

I don't think a SAHP should be connected at the hip and I think that independent time is valuable but the reality is she was not spending more 1-1 time with her child than I was.

I think you are mistaken. There's just simply not a chance that you spend more 1-1 time with kids than a SAHP unless the SAHP is outsourcing a ton of childcare. Your kids never play in the basement or nap or watch TV when you're with them? And how much time during the day are the SAHP neighbor's kids doing that? 2 hrs out of a 8+ hour work day...your math isn't mathing.

And there’s the rub. I think because she is home so much she doesn’t even think about doing things with her kids.

I think because I’m not home all day as soon as I get home I want to get outside I take them to the park, Or we go for a hike, We hit a museum, Or walk around the zoo.

in fact when I get home from work the neighbor whose H was sick and she asked me to watch her kids, I immediately pick them up and take them with me to do these things.

The woman who is complaining that she wasn’t chosen to be the caregiver is like sure just send them to my house. They can watch TV or play in the yard while I make dinner or entertain my child in the basement.

Assuming this is all true, your neighbor is n=1. Your neighbor is not representative of the vast majority of SAHP. Nor does your post, however unnecessarily involved, get at the original question of whether it was ok for someone to say they didn’t want their kids raised by strangers.

You go hiking, biking, your kids tube on the lake behind your house every afternoon at 2 pm while you drive the boat before going to the Metropolitan Museum of Art and discuss El Greco for six hours. We get it. You’re amazing! Tahoe by day, NYC by afternoon. You never go to Costco. You work 190 hours per week at work and get out by 3 pm to pick up your kid from daycare and play laser tag before you coach soccer and you make $280K!

Pretty much except I work 40 hours and my H the same.

It can work if you want it to.

But if you want to SAH and have a absent h and that works for you because he needs to work 190 hours a week to pick up your slack go for it just stop being so defensive about how other families have figured out how to work and be there for their kids.

DP here. Except the problem with your argument is that lots of families with a SAHM have a Dad who is not absent at all, works a 35 hour week and has tons of flexibility to be at events, coach teams, etc. I know many families like this, including ours.

Glad they figured it out too. They tend to be absent from these discussions because there’s a lot of … its impossible to work my H is big law or surgeon and I could only find hubs that had me out of the house from 6-6.

But I agree the majority of families working or with a SAHP don’t have these crazy situations where one or the other parent isn’t home most of the time.

The idea kids are in daycare 8 or 10 or 12 hours are just horror stories made up to justify not working. Most kids have about 3-4 waking hours in other people’s care until they go to school then it’s about 7 hours whether you work or not, unless you homeschool …Except teen athletes they are gone all day.

So many families have figured it out but I guess someone has to marry surgeons and big law partners. Actually they usually have a few wives throughout their life.

Lady, you’re officially batsh!t crazy. Or a troll. Or both.

Most working people have a schedule that vaguely falls around 9-5:30 plus morning and evening commute. How can you live in this area and apparently not know a single Fed, let alone dual Fed couples?

Feds can work a 6-2:30 schedule while the other parent works 9:30-6.

That means 1 parent does am and the other does afternoons.

Not all feds can do this. If you work with a lot of west coast or Pacific island folks in a national program, you can't get off at 2:30 (my situation). Plenty of offices have core hours starting before 9 and ending after 3. Some jobs require specific shifts (e.g. any law enforcement or customer facing job).

Shift work is perfect. No care or very little care needed.

I didn’t say everyone can do that but many feds do. The vast majority of feds and contractors who work at fed agencies. Also many time IT staff work shortened day and do upgrades after hours.

People who are doing research don’t need to read and write 9-5.

I agree don’t work for DOD.

Our core hours are 10-2.

If this is accurate, you’ll never get promoted or mange anyone. Working four hours a day is ripping off taxpayers and it’s lazy. I’m a fed and there’s no way this would fly at my agency or with me if I was your manager. Whatever you think you’re proving here about childcare you’re not. You’re just making feds look like they take advantage of WFH.

I not only got promoted but I have incentive pay.

no one working 10-2 doing the work day is getting this. This is your personal fantasy because you can’t stand that someone is a SAHP but instead of accepting that you are masquerading as a fed working a 20 hour week getting promoted. I’m sure you’re the head of the FBI. I’m sure you’re doing it all. Whatever you need to hear that you didn’t hear as a kid here you go.

I was just going to comment that I know some feds who probably barely clock in 20 hours. They are the ones who earn 100-150k, barely work and not getting promoted. These friends are always available to hang out or go to their kids appointments, drive them to school, to sports, etc. I don’t think you can compare someone like this to a big law partner, C level executive, surgeon, etc

Yeah. I think it’s fair to say someone working 20 hours a week making $100K is not the same as an NEO or Section 16 employee let alone a surgeon.

100k is like 50k when I graduated from college 20+ years ago so if a 40 something year old is coasting on this salary, that person doesn’t need to work very hard.

I can think of 2 annoying women in my life who could be the pp saying she spends equal time with her kids or they don’t need childcare. They don’t have high earning husbands so husbands also flex. They absolutely do spend a lot of time with kids and not so much time working. One friend wakes up and wiggles her mouse at 6 so she starts work then. Then goes for a run or bikes on her peloton, showers, answers an email, gets kids ready for school, drives kids to school and starts work at 930 but she has already clocked in for 3.5 hours. So someone like pp who does this can spend the same amount of time with kids if kids are in school.

When you have a real job no one tracks when you answer your first email. It’s about your work. And answering an email or emails for 5-20 minutes is not work. It’s ancillary. But you’d only know that if you had a job that required real work.

Yes, her core working hours are also 10-2 with a lunch break in the middle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does anyone on here think it’s weird this thread has devolved into people saying they are working parents who never use daycare? Like, are all these people not validating that not have g strangers raise your children is better? Have we come full circle. Is the answer that everyone is actually with their child from birth to five and no one uses childcare?

Its weird that 1 person found a way to work a schedule with their spouse so they needed little to no daycare and many people are upset about it.

I work in finance and no one does this. You’re trying to say working parents never use a nanny or childcare and that’s incorrect. You’re posting a ton about your weird low rent schedule that perfectly illustrates that you’re an underachiever and you want everyone to clap for you. This thread is not about your weird core hours.

DP. I actually did this when I worked in finance! DH and I staggered schedules and I did my IC work at night. We had a nanny but she was only with DD for ~3 waking hours (11-1 and 3-4).

Where did you work? Company and role. I don’t believe you. I’ve worked in IBD and Commodities at Goldman for 18+ years in office five days is the norm. No way anyone is going in at 6 am and leaving at noon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get it, because it’s true, even if people don’t want to admit that’s what’s happening when children are in full-time daycare. But in polite society we avoid saying things that might hurt someone’s feelings, regardless of whether it’s truthful or not.

But it’s not truthful. My kids went to daycare, and, sure, their daycare teachers, who were all wonderful, provided care during the workday. But my spouse and I made the decisions on how to parent, which included finding great caregivers.

If your children go to daycare for 10-11 (7-6 or 7:30-5:30) hours a day for the first 4-5 years of life and sleep 10-12 hours a night then you are not spending 4-5 hours with them each day 70% of the week. How is this controversial? You are outsourcing a lot of parenting duties to other caregivers. Someone saying that they don’t want to do that is not wrong. And I’m saying this as a full time working parent.

I actually did the math with my neighbor who was a SAHM and I did spend more 1-1 time with my kids than she did.

1st. My H's time counted and I know many of SAHP's who are the 1st to tell you that their H does nothing, works late, travels a lot.
2nd: She did not take into account napping, time in front of TV, time they were in the basement playing and she was futzing around.

I don't think a SAHP should be connected at the hip and I think that independent time is valuable but the reality is she was not spending more 1-1 time with her child than I was.

I think you are mistaken. There's just simply not a chance that you spend more 1-1 time with kids than a SAHP unless the SAHP is outsourcing a ton of childcare. Your kids never play in the basement or nap or watch TV when you're with them? And how much time during the day are the SAHP neighbor's kids doing that? 2 hrs out of a 8+ hour work day...your math isn't mathing.

And there’s the rub. I think because she is home so much she doesn’t even think about doing things with her kids.

I think because I’m not home all day as soon as I get home I want to get outside I take them to the park, Or we go for a hike, We hit a museum, Or walk around the zoo.

in fact when I get home from work the neighbor whose H was sick and she asked me to watch her kids, I immediately pick them up and take them with me to do these things.

The woman who is complaining that she wasn’t chosen to be the caregiver is like sure just send them to my house. They can watch TV or play in the yard while I make dinner or entertain my child in the basement.

Assuming this is all true, your neighbor is n=1. Your neighbor is not representative of the vast majority of SAHP. Nor does your post, however unnecessarily involved, get at the original question of whether it was ok for someone to say they didn’t want their kids raised by strangers.

You go hiking, biking, your kids tube on the lake behind your house every afternoon at 2 pm while you drive the boat before going to the Metropolitan Museum of Art and discuss El Greco for six hours. We get it. You’re amazing! Tahoe by day, NYC by afternoon. You never go to Costco. You work 190 hours per week at work and get out by 3 pm to pick up your kid from daycare and play laser tag before you coach soccer and you make $280K!

Pretty much except I work 40 hours and my H the same.

It can work if you want it to.

But if you want to SAH and have a absent h and that works for you because he needs to work 190 hours a week to pick up your slack go for it just stop being so defensive about how other families have figured out how to work and be there for their kids.

DP here. Except the problem with your argument is that lots of families with a SAHM have a Dad who is not absent at all, works a 35 hour week and has tons of flexibility to be at events, coach teams, etc. I know many families like this, including ours.

Glad they figured it out too. They tend to be absent from these discussions because there’s a lot of … its impossible to work my H is big law or surgeon and I could only find hubs that had me out of the house from 6-6.

But I agree the majority of families working or with a SAHP don’t have these crazy situations where one or the other parent isn’t home most of the time.

The idea kids are in daycare 8 or 10 or 12 hours are just horror stories made up to justify not working. Most kids have about 3-4 waking hours in other people’s care until they go to school then it’s about 7 hours whether you work or not, unless you homeschool …Except teen athletes they are gone all day.

So many families have figured it out but I guess someone has to marry surgeons and big law partners. Actually they usually have a few wives throughout their life.

Lady, you’re officially batsh!t crazy. Or a troll. Or both.

Most working people have a schedule that vaguely falls around 9-5:30 plus morning and evening commute. How can you live in this area and apparently not know a single Fed, let alone dual Fed couples?

Feds can work a 6-2:30 schedule while the other parent works 9:30-6.

That means 1 parent does am and the other does afternoons.

Not all feds can do this. If you work with a lot of west coast or Pacific island folks in a national program, you can't get off at 2:30 (my situation). Plenty of offices have core hours starting before 9 and ending after 3. Some jobs require specific shifts (e.g. any law enforcement or customer facing job).

Shift work is perfect. No care or very little care needed.

I didn’t say everyone can do that but many feds do. The vast majority of feds and contractors who work at fed agencies. Also many time IT staff work shortened day and do upgrades after hours.

People who are doing research don’t need to read and write 9-5.

I agree don’t work for DOD.

Our core hours are 10-2.

If this is accurate, you’ll never get promoted or mange anyone. Working four hours a day is ripping off taxpayers and it’s lazy. I’m a fed and there’s no way this would fly at my agency or with me if I was your manager. Whatever you think you’re proving here about childcare you’re not. You’re just making feds look like they take advantage of WFH.

I not only got promoted but I have incentive pay.

no one working 10-2 doing the work day is getting this. This is your personal fantasy because you can’t stand that someone is a SAHP but instead of accepting that you are masquerading as a fed working a 20 hour week getting promoted. I’m sure you’re the head of the FBI. I’m sure you’re doing it all. Whatever you need to hear that you didn’t hear as a kid here you go.

I was just going to comment that I know some feds who probably barely clock in 20 hours. They are the ones who earn 100-150k, barely work and not getting promoted. These friends are always available to hang out or go to their kids appointments, drive them to school, to sports, etc. I don’t think you can compare someone like this to a big law partner, C level executive, surgeon, etc

Yeah. I think it’s fair to say someone working 20 hours a week making $100K is not the same as an NEO or Section 16 employee let alone a surgeon.

Did someone say that it was?

The person I was responding to was clarifying that they know other underachievers like you and felt it was helpful to call out you were not like a surgeon or clevel. I was responding to that. Do you only read during your core hours?

I wild to see how irrationally angry you get at my amazing work schedule.

I make more than twice what you are your husband make and that’s a fraction of my HHI. I also see my husband in and morning and at night. I feel bad that you guys don’t have the intellectual capability to get better jobs, but you seem like you’re proud of barely working so a real job wouldn’t work out. I have lots of respect for working parents and stay at home parents. Parents who pretend to work and parent at the same time and do a bad job of both- those are the people I don’t respect. I feel bad for you and your kids.

I can’t keep track of who is who.

Many parents choose flexibility over money. I feel many more women do this than men.

I can’t remember which thread I posted but DH and I used to earn around the same when we had our first kid 200-300 each. His income kept increasing while I mommy tracked and then PT to SAHM when I had my third child. I stopped working when DH earned $1m. He now earns 2-3m.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does anyone on here think it’s weird this thread has devolved into people saying they are working parents who never use daycare? Like, are all these people not validating that not have g strangers raise your children is better? Have we come full circle. Is the answer that everyone is actually with their child from birth to five and no one uses childcare?

Its weird that 1 person found a way to work a schedule with their spouse so they needed little to no daycare and many people are upset about it.

I work in finance and no one does this. You’re trying to say working parents never use a nanny or childcare and that’s incorrect. You’re posting a ton about your weird low rent schedule that perfectly illustrates that you’re an underachiever and you want everyone to clap for you. This thread is not about your weird core hours.

DP. I actually did this when I worked in finance! DH and I staggered schedules and I did my IC work at night. We had a nanny but she was only with DD for ~3 waking hours (11-1 and 3-4).

Where did you work? Company and role. I don’t believe you. I’ve worked in IBD and Commodities at Goldman for 18+ years in office five days is the norm. No way anyone is going in at 6 am and leaving at noon.

What is IC work? You are either an IC or a manager? You what..did your manager work during the day and your IC work at night? You clearly know nothing about finance or general workplace terms. What a fake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mom of two teens here with two observations:

1) my kids friends are all really great, smart, well mannered, kind kids. I couldn’t tell you which ones had SAHMs and which ones had WOHMs if I didn’t know their parents (I know many but not all and it’s a mix of both working and non working parents - they all raised awesome kids).


2) this concept of raising your own children is a relatively new phenomenon. Ever heard of the term “it takes a village”? I also have seen some studies that say that working parents now spend significantly more time with their children than stay at home moms did 20-30 years ago. Probably because there isn’t really a village anymore.

Interesting how everyone is just passing by and ignoring this post. As a mom of older ES kids, I agree - all of my children's friends are wonderful kids. Some of them have SAHMs, some of them have two working parents. They're all great kids. If it makes you ladies feel better to put down working moms and tell us we're ruining our children forever, then fine, go ahead, but my kids have turned out great so far, even with a mom who sent them to daycare.

I agree that there are great kids of working parents and great kids of stay at home parents. But the topic isn't about outcomes/how the kids turn out in the end as a result of who raises them. The topic is about who IS actually raising the kids and, although I'd never say this to anyone and think it's totally rude to do so, you can't really argue that parents who both work and whose kids either go to daycare or have a nanny or a grandparent or whoever take care of them are being 100% raised by their parents. They hardly even see their parents. They spend most of their time w/ someone other than their parents. It's just not possible that their parents are the main ones raising them.

Except every parent with kids in school or preschool do this and you are saying only the SAH person is raising their Child, even though the working parent sees the child just as much.

This thread is largely about kids who are not yet school age.

Though also lots of preschools are not full time so are not meant to be full time childcare -- my child attended a half day preschool starting at age 2.5 which was great and helped her get ready for kindergarten. It was 3 hours a day.

And even once you have school age kids... my kid is off today and tomorrow and monday. He's been sick 4 days in the last month due to RSV and a bad cold going around his school. 10 weeks off in summer. Winter break (2 weeks) and spring break (1 week). Random PD days throughout the year. And the kicker -- school ends at 2:30pm.

Even once kids are in school SAHP see their kids a lot more than full time working parents. And I say that as a working parent. You can't deny facts.

This is why many people can't just get a job once their child is school age. It's cheaper and less stress to just have one parent on-call for all the p.i.t.a. kid related issues, especially if the other parent is a high earner. If we both worked, we have literally nobody to cover all the days when kids aren't in school and need care at home. I don't care who looks down on it. Half the families at my school have a SAHP because they have the same problem. Preschool is so few hours during the week we skipped it for all the children and just taught them to read and write and do math at home before they started K, also saved a lot of money there.

Before I had kids and was working, I didn't really feel I was doing anything all that important. So many of these jobs that people think are high status will be replaced by automation and AI. Might as well raise your kids and let the status obsessed folks do their thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does anyone on here think it’s weird this thread has devolved into people saying they are working parents who never use daycare? Like, are all these people not validating that not have g strangers raise your children is better? Have we come full circle. Is the answer that everyone is actually with their child from birth to five and no one uses childcare?

Its weird that 1 person found a way to work a schedule with their spouse so they needed little to no daycare and many people are upset about it.

I work in finance and no one does this. You’re trying to say working parents never use a nanny or childcare and that’s incorrect. You’re posting a ton about your weird low rent schedule that perfectly illustrates that you’re an underachiever and you want everyone to clap for you. This thread is not about your weird core hours.

DP. I actually did this when I worked in finance! DH and I staggered schedules and I did my IC work at night. We had a nanny but she was only with DD for ~3 waking hours (11-1 and 3-4).

Where did you work? Company and role. I don’t believe you. I’ve worked in IBD and Commodities at Goldman for 18+ years in office five days is the norm. No way anyone is going in at 6 am and leaving at noon.

What is IC work? You are either an IC or a manager? You what..did your manager work during the day and your IC work at night? You clearly know nothing about finance or general workplace terms. What a fake.

Not that pp but I also worked in various finance jobs and I don’t buy your bogus hours either. I don’t know what kind of BS finance job you have that requires half day work. Even the ones we know who mostly deal with Asian or European markets have to work different hours but still put in the work.

I worked 50-80 hours in finance in nyc. When I moved to dc, I took more flexible jobs. I didn’t get the bonuses I used to get in NYC. My husband still puts in the work and gets seven figure bonuses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it rude to say I didn't want to be a SAHP because I wanted my kids to be raise in a stimulating environment instead of spending their days watching tv and running errands to Costco.

Haha, this!!! I don't want my kid spending their day:

At the gym daycare
In a grocery store cart
Drinking a babyccino at the coffee shop
Playing on an iPad while I grab breakfast
Running around a restaurant while I have lunch with my friends
Splashing in the pool with other kids

All things that I have literally seen happen when I'm out in the middle of the day. It's amazing the number of groups of 3-5 women I've seen out neglecting their children in the middle of the day so that catch up on gossip.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I worked 7-3:30 and my H worked 3-11. Babysitter from 2-4.

I just say, we have decided it best for our kids to have 2 parents instead of one.

Oooh that's a good one!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does anyone on here think it’s weird this thread has devolved into people saying they are working parents who never use daycare? Like, are all these people not validating that not have g strangers raise your children is better? Have we come full circle. Is the answer that everyone is actually with their child from birth to five and no one uses childcare?

Its weird that 1 person found a way to work a schedule with their spouse so they needed little to no daycare and many people are upset about it.

I work in finance and no one does this. You’re trying to say working parents never use a nanny or childcare and that’s incorrect. You’re posting a ton about your weird low rent schedule that perfectly illustrates that you’re an underachiever and you want everyone to clap for you. This thread is not about your weird core hours.

DP. I actually did this when I worked in finance! DH and I staggered schedules and I did my IC work at night. We had a nanny but she was only with DD for ~3 waking hours (11-1 and 3-4).

You’ve clearly never had a nanny. No nanny would work a schedule of 11-1 and then 3-4. You think a nanny would watch a kid from 11-1 then go home for two hours then come back for one hour. Obviously you’re a fake because no financial initiation would let you work an abridged day to be home with your kid at 1 (hahaha) but no nanny would take a crazy schedule like that either. You’re a pathetic liar.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does anyone on here think it’s weird this thread has devolved into people saying they are working parents who never use daycare? Like, are all these people not validating that not have g strangers raise your children is better? Have we come full circle. Is the answer that everyone is actually with their child from birth to five and no one uses childcare?

Its weird that 1 person found a way to work a schedule with their spouse so they needed little to no daycare and many people are upset about it.

I work in finance and no one does this. You’re trying to say working parents never use a nanny or childcare and that’s incorrect. You’re posting a ton about your weird low rent schedule that perfectly illustrates that you’re an underachiever and you want everyone to clap for you. This thread is not about your weird core hours.

DP. I actually did this when I worked in finance! DH and I staggered schedules and I did my IC work at night. We had a nanny but she was only with DD for ~3 waking hours (11-1 and 3-4).

You’ve clearly never had a nanny. No nanny would work a schedule of 11-1 and then 3-4. You think a nanny would watch a kid from 11-1 then go home for two hours then come back for one hour. Obviously you’re a fake because no financial initiation would let you work an abridged day to be home with your kid at 1 (hahaha) but no nanny would take a crazy schedule like that either. You’re a pathetic liar.

And this nap schedule is for an infant. What about kids who are no longer napping? My kids dropped their naps before age 3. That is there one afternoon nap.

[Anonymous]

Yes this is rude. I’ve been a sahm and a working mom, they each have their own challenges and benefits and it’s rude to disparage another persons choice/circumstance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it rude to say I didn't want to be a SAHP because I wanted my kids to be raise in a stimulating environment instead of spending their days watching tv and running errands to Costco.

Haha, this!!! I don't want my kid spending their day:

At the gym daycare
In a grocery store cart
Drinking a babyccino at the coffee shop
Playing on an iPad while I grab breakfast
Running around a restaurant while I have lunch with my friends
Splashing in the pool with other kids

All things that I have literally seen happen when I'm out in the middle of the day. It's amazing the number of groups of 3-5 women I've seen out neglecting their children in the middle of the day so that catch up on gossip.

So during the work day you are at the gym, at the grocery store, grabbing breakfast, at the pool, and having lunch at a restaurant. Your core hours are jam packed. I’m shocked that you’re only the head of the FBI. If you can do all those things during the four hours you work you deserve an even bigger promotion.

[Anonymous]