Grandparents insist on taking my kids’ first class seats

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Unbelievable how the family dynamic is so selfish all around. I would definitely make my teenagers sit in coach and give my parents the upgraded seats. In fact it would give me so much joy to give up my seat to have my parents sit in comfort. Wait till you are your parents age. Your kids won’t be giving you any business class seats. SMH

I won't expect my kids to pay for my plane tickets. And I won't try to take seats from my grandkids. I'm an adult, and adults pay for their own plane tickets.

This is White people thinking. Just unbelievably self-focused.

It's self-focused to not expect my kids to pay for my airline tickets someday? Sure, if they wanted to and can afford to do so, I wouldn't object. But, it's incredibly self-focused to expect your kids to spend money on you.

Resources should flow downwards.

No. Resources should flow from well-off to less well-off.

I just cannot put "resource" this category. It's a luxury item, not deciding how you are going to pay for college.

It's a type of currency, so it's certainly a resource. Resources that DH acquired through his hard work. I'm guessing that the reason DH works hard is to provide for his kids, not his in-laws. They should benefit from Dad's efforts, and travel in luxury with him.

+ 1 I’m a DW who is the primary breadwinner in our family and while it saddens me that my work limits the amount of time I’m able to spend with my kids on a day to day basis I get great pleasure in planning special trips together and treating my children to luxuries I didn’t have growing up. If my DH invited his parents/my in-laws (that I already tolerate at best) to join our trip with us subsidizing them and they then had the gaul to demand my kids give up their more desirable seats that I had worked hard to provide, splitting up our nuclear family, I would completely lose it. And yes I would feel the same way about my own biological family members trying to pull this garbage.

[Anonymous]

White people problems. Endlessly entertaining in their small-mindedness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I probably would not want to go on a trip with people who are rude to me.

OP, are you all paying separately for the cruise part of the trip?

Yes. We are on the Celebrity Infinity ship. DH and I originally booked two rooms for us and our kids, a Sky Suite and an adjacent veranda stateroom. We are paying for these. When my parents agreed to join us, they did buy their own room on the cruise ship. They have a Celebrity Suite on the same deck and down the hall from our two rooms.

Here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unbelievable how the family dynamic is so selfish all around. I would definitely make my teenagers sit in coach and give my parents the upgraded seats. In fact it would give me so much joy to give up my seat to have my parents sit in comfort. Wait till you are your parents age. Your kids won’t be giving you any business class seats. SMH

I won't expect my kids to pay for my plane tickets. And I won't try to take seats from my grandkids. I'm an adult, and adults pay for their own plane tickets.

This is White people thinking. Just unbelievably self-focused.

It's self-focused to not expect my kids to pay for my airline tickets someday? Sure, if they wanted to and can afford to do so, I wouldn't object. But, it's incredibly self-focused to expect your kids to spend money on you.

Resources should flow downwards.

No. Resources should flow from well-off to less well-off.

I just cannot put "resource" this category. It's a luxury item, not deciding how you are going to pay for college.

It's a type of currency, so it's certainly a resource. Resources that DH acquired through his hard work. I'm guessing that the reason DH works hard is to provide for his kids, not his in-laws. They should benefit from Dad's efforts, and travel in luxury with him.

+ 1 I’m a DW who is the primary breadwinner in our family and while it saddens me that my work limits the amount of time I’m able to spend with my kids on a day to day basis I get great pleasure in planning special trips together and treating my children to luxuries I didn’t have growing up. If my DH invited his parents/my in-laws (that I already tolerate at best) to join our trip with us subsidizing them and they then had the gaul to demand my kids give up their more desirable seats that I had worked hard to provide, splitting up our nuclear family, I would completely lose it. And yes I would feel the same way about my own biological family members trying to pull this garbage.

+1, LMAO

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I probably would not want to go on a trip with people who are rude to me.

OP, are you all paying separately for the cruise part of the trip?

Yes. We are on the Celebrity Infinity ship. DH and I originally booked two rooms for us and our kids, a Sky Suite and an adjacent veranda stateroom. We are paying for these. When my parents agreed to join us, they did buy their own room on the cruise ship. They have a Celebrity Suite on the same deck and down the hall from our two rooms.

Here.

Thank you.

So, the OP and spouse are covering only a small portion of the trip, a few nights before and after the cruise. Everyone is paying their own way for the main event of the vacation and their transportation.

[Anonymous]

If you do the switch, I would NOT let the grandparents pay $50 each to the grandkids. No way is that a fair amount and it lets grandparents off in their minds that they have "made it even" bc they probably think $50 is a lot of money for a kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Sixteen and fourteen year olds are fine in coach.

I'd definitely put my parents in first class so they are more comfortable.

This.

How is this even a question?

Grandparents take priority. Although I think they should have offered your kids more money. Like $250 each for spending money on the trip.

OP here. Round-trip business class tix IAD-ATH in August are about $7K, but coach was more like $1500. So my parents went with the cheaper and more affordable option even though they probably wanted business class. Now they want to switch. They assume our business class tix are basically free due to DH’s business travel and status. They could have bought business class tix, but chose not to do so.

Well, the tix are essentially free...so they are not wrong there.

We are going to Europe next month and paying about $7k in our own money for each ticket (jobs without travel).

Points/miles person here. The bolded is often said about using points/miles, but its incorrect. United miles don't expire, and they can be stored and instead used for future travel. So there is a significant opportunity cost involved in using them- OP said not long ago that it would be over 700k miles to fly the grandparents roundtrip in business- that's worth at a minimum $7000 in future travel for their family. While there may not have been a direct cash cost to get the miles, they are a valuable asset and thus there is cost involved in using them. And should also note that the type of travel OP's DH does to earn this many miles is not easy when you do it over and over and is essentially unpaid labor. There is absolutely a cost associated with earning them.

I cannot make it through all 26 pages. Did OP say why they did not use miles just the upgrade portion? Many people buy the coach ticket and then use miles to upgrade.

Yes. That type of upgrade is usually oversubscribed and subject to a wait-list which the grandparents would not clear.

OP here. DH booked our original tickets IAD-ATH in a complicated way. DH and DD are on one round-trip itinerary. They used several travel certificates on discounted coach tickets and then applied 320 PlusPoints to upgrade to Polaris Business Class. The two coach tickets were like $900 each, but fully offset by the the travel certificates (given by United due to previous trip irrops / voluntary giving up of seat stuff). The second itinerary was for me and DS. This was booked with 320K FF miles - 2 tickets 100K outbound + 60K return. We usually pair one kid with one adult to avoid unaccompanied minor and no-status problems with kids on their own itinerary. Also, I have gifted GS status from DH, so I can still get priority upgrades without being on his record locator.

But, there’s no upgrade inventory available now for my parents using miles or PlusPoints. DH still has a lot of both. Waitlist only, which DH is confident will not clear for my parents. He called. No way. Only cash upgrades are available and they are $$expensive.

PP here who feels pretty pretty good about guessing that this is what you did to be able to do this with 320k miles.

Not surprised at all that there is zero upgrade inventory available in early June for peak summer travel. What I would say about your idea of booking expensive non-saver business awards for them, is that there is somewhat of a chance of saver availability opening up within 10 days of the dates of travel, and since United charges no change fees, you could cancel their non-saver tickets and rebook as savers if that inventory opens up. Still relatively low odds (especially for 2), but its possible. I have done this before successfully, although it wasn't peak summer travel so my odds were better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sixteen and fourteen year olds are fine in coach.

I'd definitely put my parents in first class so they are more comfortable.

This.

How is this even a question?

Grandparents take priority. Although I think they should have offered your kids more money. Like $250 each for spending money on the trip.

OP here. Round-trip business class tix IAD-ATH in August are about $7K, but coach was more like $1500. So my parents went with the cheaper and more affordable option even though they probably wanted business class. Now they want to switch. They assume our business class tix are basically free due to DH’s business travel and status. They could have bought business class tix, but chose not to do so.

Well, the tix are essentially free...so they are not wrong there.

We are going to Europe next month and paying about $7k in our own money for each ticket (jobs without travel).

Points/miles person here. The bolded is often said about using points/miles, but its incorrect. United miles don't expire, and they can be stored and instead used for future travel. So there is a significant opportunity cost involved in using them- OP said not long ago that it would be over 700k miles to fly the grandparents roundtrip in business- that's worth at a minimum $7000 in future travel for their family. While there may not have been a direct cash cost to get the miles, they are a valuable asset and thus there is cost involved in using them. And should also note that the type of travel OP's DH does to earn this many miles is not easy when you do it over and over and is essentially unpaid labor. There is absolutely a cost associated with earning them.

I cannot make it through all 26 pages. Did OP say why they did not use miles just the upgrade portion? Many people buy the coach ticket and then use miles to upgrade.

Yes. That type of upgrade is usually oversubscribed and subject to a wait-list which the grandparents would not clear.

OP here. DH booked our original tickets IAD-ATH in a complicated way. DH and DD are on one round-trip itinerary. They used several travel certificates on discounted coach tickets and then applied 320 PlusPoints to upgrade to Polaris Business Class. The two coach tickets were like $900 each, but fully offset by the the travel certificates (given by United due to previous trip irrops / voluntary giving up of seat stuff). The second itinerary was for me and DS. This was booked with 320K FF miles - 2 tickets 100K outbound + 60K return. We usually pair one kid with one adult to avoid unaccompanied minor and no-status problems with kids on their own itinerary. Also, I have gifted GS status from DH, so I can still get priority upgrades without being on his record locator.

But, there’s no upgrade inventory available now for my parents using miles or PlusPoints. DH still has a lot of both. Waitlist only, which DH is confident will not clear for my parents. He called. No way. Only cash upgrades are available and they are $$expensive.

PP here who feels pretty pretty good about guessing that this is what you did to be able to do this with 320k miles.

Not surprised at all that there is zero upgrade inventory available in early June for peak summer travel. What I would say about your idea of booking expensive non-saver business awards for them, is that there is somewhat of a chance of saver availability opening up within 10 days of the dates of travel, and since United charges no change fees, you could cancel their non-saver tickets and rebook as savers if that inventory opens up. Still relatively low odds (especially for 2), but its possible. I have done this before successfully, although it wasn't peak summer travel so my odds were better.

Actually never mind, I just looked at next 2 weeks on this route, and business is already sold out most days, with 3 days with only 1 seat available. The odds of this working are very very low. 2023 is definitely the summer of revenge international travel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sixteen and fourteen year olds are fine in coach.

I'd definitely put my parents in first class so they are more comfortable.

This.

How is this even a question?

Grandparents take priority. Although I think they should have offered your kids more money. Like $250 each for spending money on the trip.

OP here. Round-trip business class tix IAD-ATH in August are about $7K, but coach was more like $1500. So my parents went with the cheaper and more affordable option even though they probably wanted business class. Now they want to switch. They assume our business class tix are basically free due to DH’s business travel and status. They could have bought business class tix, but chose not to do so.

Well, the tix are essentially free...so they are not wrong there.

We are going to Europe next month and paying about $7k in our own money for each ticket (jobs without travel).

Points/miles person here. The bolded is often said about using points/miles, but its incorrect. United miles don't expire, and they can be stored and instead used for future travel. So there is a significant opportunity cost involved in using them- OP said not long ago that it would be over 700k miles to fly the grandparents roundtrip in business- that's worth at a minimum $7000 in future travel for their family. While there may not have been a direct cash cost to get the miles, they are a valuable asset and thus there is cost involved in using them. And should also note that the type of travel OP's DH does to earn this many miles is not easy when you do it over and over and is essentially unpaid labor. There is absolutely a cost associated with earning them.

I cannot make it through all 26 pages. Did OP say why they did not use miles just the upgrade portion? Many people buy the coach ticket and then use miles to upgrade.

Yes. That type of upgrade is usually oversubscribed and subject to a wait-list which the grandparents would not clear.

OP here. DH booked our original tickets IAD-ATH in a complicated way. DH and DD are on one round-trip itinerary. They used several travel certificates on discounted coach tickets and then applied 320 PlusPoints to upgrade to Polaris Business Class. The two coach tickets were like $900 each, but fully offset by the the travel certificates (given by United due to previous trip irrops / voluntary giving up of seat stuff). The second itinerary was for me and DS. This was booked with 320K FF miles - 2 tickets 100K outbound + 60K return. We usually pair one kid with one adult to avoid unaccompanied minor and no-status problems with kids on their own itinerary. Also, I have gifted GS status from DH, so I can still get priority upgrades without being on his record locator.

But, there’s no upgrade inventory available now for my parents using miles or PlusPoints. DH still has a lot of both. Waitlist only, which DH is confident will not clear for my parents. He called. No way. Only cash upgrades are available and they are $$expensive.

They may still clear for an upgrade if they can go through his Global Services. I am always surprised at how that jumps you to the very front of the line.

But the part that has me scratching my head is threatening to not go unless they fly in business. They booked the coach tickets. That was the plan. They were fine with it until they realized the rest of the family was up front.

[Anonymous]

Without reading 20 pages, I’m torn about this. It’s extremely presumptuous and entitled of them to demand your kids first class tickets.

[Anonymous]

It seems like many people commenting that they would never take anything from their kids when they are elderly and have no problems with “resources flowing down.” That is rich people perspective…talk about entitlement. If my kids didn’t offer their first class tickets to their grandparents by their own accord, I would be super disappointed with how I have raised my kids with no values.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It seems like many people commenting that they would never take anything from their kids when they are elderly and have no problems with “resources flowing down.” That is rich people perspective…talk about entitlement. If my kids didn’t offer their first class tickets to their grandparents by their own accord, I would be super disappointed with how I have raised my kids with no values.

So what if it’s rich people perspective? OP is taking a European cruise and flying business class. She is a rich person! Or at least traveling like one. It’s the appropriate perspective for the situation at hand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It seems like many people commenting that they would never take anything from their kids when they are elderly and have no problems with “resources flowing down.” That is rich people perspective…talk about entitlement. If my kids didn’t offer their first class tickets to their grandparents by their own accord, I would be super disappointed with how I have raised my kids with no values.

Can you not see that different people have different values? In certain cultures the young pay for the old. In others it’s considered offensive for the elders to receive any gifts/money from younger generations. My grandmother writes us checks on her birthday. The only thing I can give her without risk of offending her is flowers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Without reading 20 pages, I’m torn about this. It’s extremely presumptuous and entitled of them to demand your kids first class tickets.

I think that’s what makes it -ma 30 page thread. If it was just “my parents bought tix and one kid has offered to trade but the other kid doesn’t really want to, should I push her to” it would be a shorter, less interesting thread.

It’s the attempt at emotional blackmail that balances the scales out a little.

[Anonymous]

The emotional blackmail is definitely the problem. If you want them to come, give them the seats because you are the bigger person but explain how gross their behavior is and how all of you see it. I’m sure your kids will be fine with the switch, they are young and resilient. But tell them how obnoxious their presumption is and that they aren’t endearing themselves to your husband. They will catch on when he stops including them in the future. With that said enjoy this trip and the time with them if you can.