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Parenting -- Special Concerns
Raising a biracial child alone
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Anonymous
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maybe Im crazy but Im freaking out about raising my biracial son alone.
as a now single mom I worry about my son not having a black father/figure as a role model. and yes I feel my son needs a role model who is his race to look up to as far as america has come I dont feel we are past the point of race mattering  people tell me Im insane for worrying about this
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Anonymous
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not insane at all...is your son's father not going to be in his life at all? are there other same race relatives in your family (uncles, cousins)as your son's father?
if not, then you should make the effort to have black men in your son's world that he can identify with. best of luck |
Anonymous
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Live in a diverse area
Don't worry about the color of the father role model. I would say any color will do. |
Anonymous
| I have so many friends who have adopted kids from different countries, and their ethnicity is different from the parents'. It's never been an issue because they raise the children with love and teach the kids self-respect and respect for others. We also have a very diverse group of friends/family, so the children are exposed to all sorts of different cultural backgrounds. The key is, however, is that all are good, respectable people (great role models). If you don't have a diverse social group, that is definitely worth working on. One biracial child in a sea of white friends/relatives might make him feel a bit out of place, but that depends on the child. |
Anonymous
| I raised my biracial son by myself for the first 10 years of his life. When he reached older elementary age, I too started thinking he needed a good, black man in his life to serve as a role model. His father was not such a great one. I never really did find anyone who would serve that purpose, but my son is just fine. He is, and always has been, an honor roll student and greatly involved with sports. My husband now is Spanish and a wonderful role model and treats my son like his own. I think your son will do just fine if you don't find a black man as a role model. |
Anonymous
| My white husband and I are raising our biracial daughter together. I have known a number of biracial children raised by their white mothers in mostly white environments and they seemed to have serious identity issues. Not life-crippling, but definitely something to be concerned about. I know plenty of black men who grew up without their fathers and they have issues too. Any good male role model is better than none at all. I would try to find one even if he wasn't black. |
Anonymous
| Obama's mother did OK. |
Anonymous
| I hear you, OP. Could you look into Big Brothers/Big Sisters, or something similar? |
Anonymous
bi-racial person here ... although I grew up with my father in the home, having known other bi-racial kids in other circumstances, I would agree with the above. I think it would also be important if at all possible for you to live in an area where there are other black children. The important thing, especially if your son "looks" bi-racial, is that he not come to perceive black people as "others" and be able to be comfortable around them - the inability to do that is, IMO, what can often lead to identity issues later in life. |
Anonymous
| Op, I know what you are saying of having a role model for your son who is involved in his life, but I find that in a larger context for what your son can achieve in life, President Obama serves as a large role model of what mixed race, people of color can achieve for the next generation. |
Anonymous
| Op, you are right to be concerned. Please try and find him a black male role model. If he looks anything other than white, he is going to need it so that his self esteem and identity is not compromised. |
Anonymous
Not a great example since she had her second husband and his grandparents. OP, agree with other posters that the role model does not have to be black, any male role model will do and a group of diverse friends will help as well. Unless you plan to shield your son from all popular culture I think it will be important for him to see "real people" who will blunt the stereotypes that are out there. Good Luck. |
Anonymous
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Anonymous
| Obama's situation is unique in that he was brought up in a white environment in places where whites, although not the majority or necessarily favored, hold power. He benefited both from the benefits afforded whites and those having darker skin tones. |
Anonymous
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I am a single adoptive mom of a toddler and this was a HUGE issue for me to contemplate as I awaited his arrival. I cannot emphasize enough how critical it will be to find strong black male role models, especially as your son enters adolescence. I have been black every day of my life but I do not know what it means to be a black man in Aerica today, Barack Obama notwithstanding. Make friends, join clubs and even religious organizationns where you can make friends with adult black males and even couples.
Who will explain to your son about being pulled over by the police for the infraction known as 'driving while black'? |