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Parenting -- Special Concerns
Raising a biracial child alone
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Anonymous
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What about joining a black church? I would imagine they have youth leaders that could serve as positive role models for your son?
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Anonymous
I just realized upon re-reading your original post that you didn't state your or son's father's race. Sorry, subsequent posts made it seem as if he was half-Black. Apologies. In any case, I would think a religious organization of son's father's culture would be a good place to start. |
Anonymous
Yes, she did. She said her child's father was black. So no worries. 
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Anonymous
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You guys worry too much. Kids grow up and learn to use their own head as well.
I have heard of some rural village people adopting a child from Africa. The kid grows up never seeing people that look like him/her. And the end result is OK. Probably not ideal, but is it such a big deal? |
Anonymous
No, not a big deal in that environment. |
Anonymous
Just like Obama. |
Anonymous
| Didn't Obama also struggle with identity issues? In Dreams from My Father, he talks at length about his search for identity and how he came to identify himself primarily as black. It was part of his motivation to become a community organizer in CHicago. So I don't think you can point to Obama as an example of a biracial child who grew up without identity issues ... he was just able to get over them. I'd be willing to bet that not all biracial children experiencing our society are able to navigate their issues quite so deftly. |
Anonymous
I was thinking the same thing. I don't know if this has anything to do with anything. At my son's school there are several biracial children who for whatever reason do not seem to befriend the other AA children and vice versa. I've asked my son why he isn't friends (with each child by name), he always says that he doesn't know. I suppose it could mean nothing and maybe they just don't have anything in common. |
Anonymous
| Did Obama's identity issues stem from growing up in Hawaii where there were virtually no blacks and where whites were typically despised? |
Anonymous
Posts like these are just so discouraging. We're currently going through the approval process to become a foster family. I'm interesed in foster to adopt. We are a white family. There are white children in foster care, but the majority of the children in the program and black and hispanic. because of feedback/statements like these, I'm so weary of adopting a black or hispanic child (though black seems to come with extra struggles). My husband is an excellent father and he has so much to offer (we probably want a boy b/c we already have a house of boys) a little boy and this post just saddens me. When I look at a child in the foster system who no one wants, it just breaks my heart that these kind of things are considerations. It is already hard enough to take a child who has never known love, but only experienced rejection and then to add to this by being adopted by a white family. |
Anonymous
I wrote this post but did not mean to be discouraging. My larger point was that the lack of a role model for a boy seems more consequential than the lack of a role model of a particular color. Please don't let this make you think twice about adopting. As a black woman I never thought I would marry someone who wasn't black but now I can't imagine being with anyone other than my white husband. My husband and I deal with the resulting issues and you, your DH, and adopted children will do the same. I have learned that love matters most. |
Anonymous
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OP just be weary of the "Tiger Woods" syndrome. Tiger doesn't want to be seen solely as a Black man, which is fine because he is multi-racial, but he seems to revel in distancing himself from the part of him that is Black. I get the sense that he is so hyper-sensitive to being perceived as a Black man (and succombing to all the stereotypes about them) that he goes overboard in his attempt to appear racially neutral. When he said that he had no problem with the ESPN reporter using the term lynching in response to his competition beating him, I was shocked.
He seems to embrace his Blackness the least. |
Anonymous
I am white and married to an AA man. We have one son who is 16 months old. My son is very close with his father and I am thankful everyday for their relationship (although I am jealous sometimes My husband's biological parents are AA, but his father was never around. When he was 8, his mom married a white man who adopted him and his twin sister, who he calls his father, and who raised him. I think the most important thing is love first and foremost. That being said, I do think it is important for children to see others of their own ethnicity-male and female that are good role models. My DS sees his AA cousins and family around here and my white side when we visit them in Va. We also have extended friends that are all colors. I think if you are white and you adopt children of another race and color that you should just be parents first and foremost and love them. Part of that love is teaching them pride in who they are and ensuring that they have role models and friends that look like themselves helps. Children just want to be loved and be part of a family. Please don't not adopt a child of another race b/c you fear them having identity issues. These are things that conscious parents can work on.
With the OP, sorry to steer your post away from the original question. I think if you are a loving mom that is the most important. Try to expose you child to role models and friends that resemble him and always be honest and talk about these things as your child grows. My husband sometimes got teased by his AA friends for having a white dad and other times bore the brunt of racism by ignorant white folk. Being the rock to guide your child through these issues is the best thing you can do. |
Anonymous
WTF ? I think finding hair products for black girls is the least of first writer's problems... by the way, she has a son. |
Anonymous
Maybe not but its still an issue she'll have to deal with. Just because I'm black didnt make me automatically knowledgeable about what to do with my half white son's Artie Garfunkel 'fro. Hell most of the time I dont even know what to do with my own hair. I'm not mixed but I dealt with something similar. My parents sent me to a majority white religious school because the majority black public schools were subpar. They took me out in 8th grade when my brother failed to thrive. I found in highschool that I was further ahead of my peers academically but I didnt have anything in common with anyone but the white kids. I think its been a bit of a blessing and a curse. It was a long time before I really identified with *black culture*. On the other hand I've been out and my black date decided we needed to find a new restaurant because we'd have been the only black couple there. I wasn't in the least uncomfortable but whatever. To the OP and the PP's considering fostering I agree with the advice about providing a loving environment and raising a good person first and then worrying about identity issues. If you're still concerned and don't have any family that could help out, try Big Brothers. |