Raising a biracial child alone

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I came across a great great great hair product for Biracial children or black children with straight/wavy/mixed hair...specifically girls...called Mixed chicks. I found it while googling. I needed something for my daughter's hair that was not drying like the white products that contain alcohol that stripped her hair...and not oily like the other side of the coin that left her hair heavy and greasy. This product has just the right combination of moisture product for her hair. The leave in conditioner is a gift because it allows her to wear her hair in the pretty ringlets that are there when her hair is wet...the natural curls dry beautifully with no frizz with this product. Check out the website and get it. You will thank me! I LOVE this product and my daughter's hair loves it too.

WTF ?
I think finding hair products for black girls is the least of first writer's problems... by the way, she has a son.

Maybe not but its still an issue she'll have to deal with. Just because I'm black didnt make me automatically knowledgeable about what to do with my half white son's Artie Garfunkel 'fro. Hell most of the time I dont even know what to do with my own hair. I'm not mixed but I dealt with something similar. My parents sent me to a majority white religious school because the majority black public schools were subpar. They took me out in 8th grade when my brother failed to thrive. I found in highschool that I was further ahead of my peers academically but I didnt have anything in common with anyone but the white kids. I think its been a bit of a blessing and a curse. It was a long time before I really identified with *black culture*. On the other hand I've been out and my black date decided we needed to find a new restaurant because we'd have been the only black couple there. I wasn't in the least uncomfortable but whatever.

To the OP and the PP's considering fostering I agree with the advice about providing a loving environment and raising a good person first and then worrying about identity issues. If you're still concerned and don't have any family that could help out, try Big Brothers.

Just chiming in about the importance of a loving, communicative, home environment, nothing beats that. Everything else is gravy. I'm sure you will have identity issues to deal with. Heck, I'm AA and grew up in an AA household and at 46 still deal with identity issues. In addition to Big Brothers attend cultural events. I'm a single mom of two and am meeting some wonderful men -- people at museums and the theatre.

I use the mixed chicks conditioner on my son's less coarse hair, it's a keeper.

Blessings and Good luck to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I came across a great great great hair product for Biracial children or black children with straight/wavy/mixed hair...specifically girls...called Mixed chicks. I found it while googling. I needed something for my daughter's hair that was not drying like the white products that contain alcohol that stripped her hair...and not oily like the other side of the coin that left her hair heavy and greasy. This product has just the right combination of moisture product for her hair. The leave in conditioner is a gift because it allows her to wear her hair in the pretty ringlets that are there when her hair is wet...the natural curls dry beautifully with no frizz with this product. Check out the website and get it. You will thank me! I LOVE this product and my daughter's hair loves it too.

WTF ?
I think finding hair products for black girls is the least of first writer's problems... by the way, she has a son.

I knew people with biracial children would read this post and wanted to also share something I found helpful...You can use it on girls and boys. True it is not her priority...but something helpful to others who may read it.

[Anonymous]

I know a white couple fostering to adopt african american twins. IMHO, the kids are lucky to have this couple as foster parents (who will hopefully become adoptive parents) b/c they are loving, caring, responsible people who shower them with love and attention and have provided them with a stable home and family environment. The children are thriving in their new home with their new parents. They live in a diverse area and the parents have a diverse circle of friends. I'm sure the kids will be fine.

FWIW, I have friends who are Korean who were adopted by white American parents as infants. This was way back when in the late 60s early 70s when you didn't have such a huge group of Asian kids adopted by white American parents (this is to say that the same support systems, playgroups, listservs, etc. didn't exist back then). And these kids grew up to be fine people who love their parents and didn't suffer any sort of identity crisis. I also know a biracial woman raised by a white adoptive mother. She didn't have any issues either.

I'm not so naive as to think that racial issues do not exist. However, I think children don't have the same sense of racial differences that past generations have. I've taught my kids that everyone looks different -- different shades of skin, haircolor, eye color, height, weight, etc. Your kid will obviously know that his mom is white and his dad is black and that he is your child. Love him and teach him to be proud of who he is (and who he is is not defined by skin color). I agree that exposure to a male role model would be a good thing, but I also know lots of boys who were raised by single moms and didn't really have a constant male role model and they turned out just fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:maybe Im crazy but Im freaking out about raising my biracial son alone.

as a now single mom I worry about my son not having a black father/figure as a role model.

and yes I feel my son needs a role model who is his race to look up to as far as america has come I dont feel we are past the point of race mattering

people tell me Im insane for worrying about this

OP - Good for you for thinking about this AND reaching out! You're not insane. You're a thoughtful parent IMHO.

Here are some suggestions for resources to help you figure out how you might want to approach things.

Interracial Family Circle
http://www.interracialfamilycircle.org/

Anti-Racist Parent
http://www.antiracistparent.com/

CafeMom interracial families forum
http://www.cafemom.com/group/78/

It's OK to be concerned about DS's development even in a "post-racial" (not!) America. Besides, worrying and freaking out is part of a mom's job no matter what our race or marital status. I doubt your son will ever fault you for thinking about his well-being even if things don't work out the way you plan. Hang in there.

(FWIW I'm black/white, lots o' family drama, identity crises, hair issues, Obama-maniac etc. etc. etc. Nuff said. This thread should be about OP and her son.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Obama's mother did OK.

But if you read his book "Dreams from my father" I think he clearly states in there in several areas of the book (don't quote me) that he did have identity issues. Even though he had a middle class upbringing he was cultured as well.

[Anonymous]

[b]ALL THE CHILD NEEDS IS LOVE....... LOTS OF LOVE........ DON'T WORRY SO MUCH ABOUT ROLE MODELS...... YOU BE HIS ROLE MODEL.........
I AM A SINGLE MOM WITH A BI-RACIAL GIRL AND HER DAD LEFT WHEN SHE WAS A LITTLE OVER A YEAR. SHE HAS ME AS A ROLE MODEL AND COLOR ISN'T AN ISSUE
WHETHER YOU ARE BLACK, WHITE, LATINO, ASIAN IT DOESN'T MATTER - YOU ARE THE CHILD'S MOTHER - YOUR SON ONLY NEEDS YOUR LOVE SUPPORT AND GUIDANCE
PLEASE PLEASE LETS STOP LABELING PEOPLE.
WE ARE ALL ONE RACE THE HUMAN RACE!
PEACE BE UNTO TO YOU AND YOURS


BTW.....YOU CAN RAISE YOUR SON TO BE A WONDERFUL PERSON - LETS NOT FORGET

[Anonymous]

I'm a single mom of a biracial (Mexican/ European) little girl. She is two so we have not had any big identity issues yet. Just wondering if anyone has experience/ advice with this type of situation? BTW I am white and her dad is Mexican. She is already bilingual in English and Spanish, which I think is important.

[Anonymous]

And if you read Obama's autobiography, you'll realize that he too had some identity issues that he grappled with. Not saying that his mother didnt do well, I think she did a hell of a job, especially as a single mother, just that in America - race is unescapable.