Are these red flags?

[Anonymous]

Guy I've been on a few dates with:

Estranged from Father (but close to
Mother)
Estranged from and had physical arguments with brother
No real long term relationships
Admitted that his last girlfriend was too heavy

Do you want to hear the positives?

[Anonymous]

Lot of negatives, but my DH is similar except he had a long term relationship end a couple of yrs before we dated.

My DH is not superficial though.

What are the positives?

[Anonymous]

Let's hear positives, not including looks. Also, how old?

[Anonymous]

Positives:

Says he is looking for a long term relationship - definitely someone that will be a friend as well as partner
Has a good job (but works long hours), owns
He's average looking
Easy to talk to

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Positives:

Says he is looking for a long term relationship - definitely someone that will be a friend as well as partner
Has a good job (but works long hours), owns
He's average looking
Easy to talk to

^misread and though it said "including looks"

He's 29

[Anonymous]

My thoughts could best be summed up by a game show sound effect:


WUH-WUNHHHHHHHH

[Anonymous]

You and he both sound boring. Perfect.

[Anonymous]

It is a negative that he thought his ex was overweight?

Would you rather he lie? I telling a lie positive?

[Anonymous]

What you list isn't necessarily a deal breaker. If he is easy to talk to, there is some chemistry. If he is nice to you, respects you, and wants to get to know you better, I would see where it leads.

[Anonymous]

When you say "LTR"....what does that exactly mean?

More than a year?
More than 5 years?

[Anonymous]

He doesn't sound like much of a prize. If, in talking about exes, a guy criticizes their looks, that rules that guy out for me as being too shallow. Being estranged from father and brother probably doesn't mean anything good either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: Being estranged from father and brother probably doesn't mean anything good either.

Depends on the background.

His father could have been an alcoholic that abused him. Or abused his mother.
His brother could have mental issues or is like his father. So he keeps his distance.

My sister has some issues to deal with and she has brought a lot of drama in to our family. So I keep FAR away as possible. Has nothing to do with me other than I choose not to keep unnecessary drama in my life/family.

[Anonymous]

Being estranged from family can mean "is unlucky enough to have some really awful family." I would never assume that it means that there's something wrong with the guy.

I suggest you whittle your criteria down to one:

Do you like him and enjoy being around him?

If the answer is yes, keep seeing him. If the answer is no, don't.

[Anonymous]

I would call those yellow flags - keep them in the back of your mind as you continue to date him. At some point I'd find out why he is estranged from the father and brother - could be same reason. (Father could have been abusive and/or left mother, brother could be similar in personality to father.) I haven't had many long-term relationships myself (Longer than a year) because if I realize after a year (or less, now) that I can't see myself marrying someone, I move on. I do want a long-term relationship and marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Being estranged from father and brother probably doesn't mean anything good either.

Depends on the background.

His father could have been an alcoholic that abused him. Or abused his mother.
His brother could have mental issues or is like his father. So he keeps his distance.

My sister has some issues to deal with and she has brought a lot of drama in to our family. So I keep FAR away as possible. Has nothing to do with me other than I choose not to keep unnecessary drama in my life/family.

+1 It all has to do with context.
MY DH was estranged from his father. He was abusive to all of his children, including my DH, but not as much as the others. One of my DH's brother's cut the entire family off and had been abusive towards my DH when he was a child, so no love lost there. The other siblings are introverts and have issues due to the abuse so they didn't really talk. I've been helping my DH reconnect with his siblings and they are developing a relationship.

You say he is "average" in looks. Do YOU think he is "average" or does he seem handsome/sexy to you?
My DH is probably "average" compared to movie stars, but he's VERY sexy and handsome to me. And frankly, I don't give a rat's behind what others think.

You need to find out if he is thinking about marriage or not. Kids or not. And does that line up with what YOU want.

Does he treat you with respect? Do you enjoy your time with him? Does he look down on others? Can you sit with him in silence and be comfortable? Does he make you laugh? (That's as important as treating you with respect.)

Keep in mind, everyone has issues. You have to decide what you can live with and what are your deal breakers. (ex. cheating and abuse are my deal breakers.) My DH is a recovering alcoholic and as long as he works on being sober, we're good. If he chooses alcohol over me or our kids, then it's over. He has slipped a few times since we married, but he works on quitting and has stopped for years at a time.

Good Luck!