Are these red flags?

[Anonymous]

11:46 has a good thought on looks. One person's average is another person's hot.

[Anonymous]

Huge red flags to me. But that being said, I'd dig in to the reasons for the estrangements a little more. More concerning is the lack of long term relationships. Be cautious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My thoughts could best be summed up by a game show sound effect:


WUH-WUNHHHHHHHH

LOVE THIS!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Being estranged from father and brother probably doesn't mean anything good either.

Depends on the background.

His father could have been an alcoholic that abused him. Or abused his mother.
His brother could have mental issues or is like his father. So he keeps his distance.

Those don't make them any better.

[Anonymous]

Two of the positives have nothing to do with his character.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Being estranged from father and brother probably doesn't mean anything good either.

Depends on the background.

His father could have been an alcoholic that abused him. Or abused his mother.
His brother could have mental issues or is like his father. So he keeps his distance.

Those don't make them any better.

Yeah, nothing good about having this family dynamic and the trauma and scars. I've been with people with this kind of baggage, and it made everything more difficult, and in some cases, a nightmare. Not exactly ideal to bring kids into, either.

[Anonymous]

Nah...Because the positive won't matter unless you say he is a good storyteller + this is all a woven tale of great fiction.

If someone has a difficult relationship w/his own family members, then that is a red flag that he has some anger issues as well as some emotional baggage that he hasn't effectively dealt w/yet. You do not want to get involved w/someone who isn't on good terms w/his own family.

Regarding saying is ex was too heavy, that depends.
Does he say it in a cruel fashion? As the reason they broke~up? Or just as an objective fact?

You are bringing these issues up on this forum and that in itself is a sign that you are having initial misgivings about this person.

Listen to your inner voice/gut. It is there for a reason...To protect your heart. It rarely if ever is wrong.

[Anonymous]

Be careful getting involved with someone who doesn't get along with his family.
He might turn out to be a wonderful guy who is perfectly emotionally healthy, or he might have some major issues, as stated by the PP above. Just be very cautious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Be careful getting involved with someone who doesn't get along with his family.
He might turn out to be a wonderful guy who is perfectly emotionally healthy, or he might have some major issues, as stated by the PP above. Just be very cautious.

I agree. Your boyfriend sounds SO MUCH like my ex-husband. He was estranged from his dad, and had a twisted, messy, love/hate relationship with his mom and brother. It seemed perfectly reasonable that he'd have terrible relationships with his parents, because they were terrible people.

But, to make a very long story short, he had been warped by his upbringing. He was superficially charming, and seemed to understand what he was up against. In practice, though, he didn't know how to build or maintain relationships. He hates his parents-- and is still obsessed with his crappy childhood, decades later-- but he ACTS like them. He didn't know how to be a husband or father. He treated me and the kids like his parents treated him. He got angry and blamed all our problems on me (working hard to love him and save our family) and the kids (being normal kids).

Maybe your guy is different, but I would run.

[Anonymous]

"I agree. Your boyfriend sounds SO MUCH like my ex-husband. He was estranged from his dad, and had a twisted, messy, love/hate relationship with his mom and brother. It seemed perfectly reasonable that he'd have terrible relationships with his parents, because they were terrible people."

+2. I've said it before on this board - the biggest mistake of my life was marrying someone who had a chaotic childhood with parents who had emotional problems. Like the PP's ex, my ex didn't know how to be a husband or father, treated me and the kids like his parents acted, had/has a problem with anger, and blamed all his problems on me (because I was the closest person to him), though I was only trying to help him and the family. Now I'm left single, constantly banging my head against the wall in frustration as I try to protect my kids from his family's dysfunctions, and stressed out that I will fail and they will end up like him.