Delicate conversation - how to handle

[Anonymous]

I moved into another division recently and started working closely with a colleague with whom I hadn't previously collaborated. Our positions require that we work together frequently. She seems to be good at her job and skilled in her area of expertise.

She is overweight and not very professional in appearance (dowdy/mumu-type clothes and messy hair). FWIW, I am also overweight, but believe I am more put together and professional (contemporary clothes, hair styled, light makeup). Her appearance is none of my business, but as the weather has gotten warmer I can't help but notice that on some days she is very -- and there is no polite way to put this -- smelly.

As someone who has similar issues but has my hygiene more under control, would it be okay for me say something to her? I don't know if there is any way to bring this up without it being very embarrassing for both parties. On the other hand, I have to sit with her every day and it's getting more uncomfortable as we get into the hottest part of the summer season.

[Anonymous]

This is what HR is for.

[Anonymous]

HR Bitch here: absolutely let hr handle this. You're not even this person's manager.

[Anonymous]

OP here - ok, I was hoping not to add this detail, but the person works in HR.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is what HR is for.

Unless you are enemies it can't hurt to say something nicely. Why do folks have to go running to HR for everything?
Instead of you both having a brief convo she would have an embarring conversation on her work record. Does she deserve that?

I would tackle hygiene only and not worry about the disheveled appearance. At least not now.

Since you as also overweight you could say somthing like"gosh it so hot out, thank goodness I started using this new deoderant" or "I am glad my mother told me to put gold bond in my bra on hot days like these".
You figured it out not help your fellow woman don't embarrass her further.

I am sure there is a time when you had something in your teeth, smudged makeup, a rip, a stain, something embarassing and when someone finally told you, or you finally noticed it yourself you thought "I spoke to 15 people today, I wish I would have known sooner". Suck it up and say something!

[Anonymous]

I agree with the suggestion to approach HR.

Is it possible she had a baby in the past year or so and is breastfeeding? Several friends and I found that body odor the likes of which no antiperspirant could defeat seemed to go with breastfeeding. This is from women with a mix of body types, some overweight, some not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - ok, I was hoping not to add this detail, but the person works in HR.

Sorry, OP, but that made me laugh!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is what HR is for.

Unless you are enemies it can't hurt to say something nicely. Why do folks have to go running to HR for everything?
Instead of you both having a brief convo she would have an embarring conversation on her work record. Does she deserve that?

I would tackle hygiene only and not worry about the disheveled appearance. At least not now.

Since you as also overweight you could say somthing like"gosh it so hot out, thank goodness I started using this new deoderant" or "I am glad my mother told me to put gold bond in my bra on hot days like these".
You figured it out not help your fellow woman don't embarrass her further.

I am sure there is a time when you had something in your teeth, smudged makeup, a rip, a stain, something embarassing and when someone finally told you, or you finally noticed it yourself you thought "I spoke to 15 people today, I wish I would have known sooner". Suck it up and say something!

+1. Clearly it's more awkward since this woman works in HR, but everything doesn't need to go through HR. A polite conversation is all that is needed.

[Anonymous]

This is not as bad as when my DH had to tell a junior employee to take Beano because people in the office couldn't take the gas. He complied and displayed the bottle on his death.

[Anonymous]

For those recommending a polite conversation, what exactly would you say?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is not as bad as when my DH had to tell a junior employee to take Beano because people in the office couldn't take the gas. He complied and displayed the bottle on his death.

Surely you meant deathbed and it's that pesky autocorrect!

[Anonymous]

My colleague had a similar conversation with someone, and she brought in some deodorant, body soap and a small packet of laundry detergent, and explained how to use them, and when... for example, put on deodorant every day, wash clothes every time you wear them. She noticed improved hygiene, but then some backsliding. To avoid having this awkward conversation again, she displayed a solid air freshener on her desk, the kind you twist up. On bad days she opened it so it was obvious that the smell was back, making it difficult to work in close quarters. This tactic worked quite well.

[Anonymous]

There's a website that will send an anonymous email to her. There are a few different phrases that you can pick. I remember sending one to someone about being smelly once. It was very polite.

[Anonymous]

Having been overweight - really overweight - I know what you mean and yes she probably doesn't realize it. I am guessing it's not just a matter of using under arm deodorant because when you are really overweight you sweat in other places they don't make deodorant for. She might have a yeast infection actually that is causing the smell.

[Anonymous]

You go to her supervisor.

Just because she works in HR doesn't make her perfect.