Inlaws who drink a lot

[Anonymous]

My husband and I are not big drinkers. Every time my inlaws come to visit, they bring large amounts of beer and wine into our house. They move groceries out of the fridge or around the fridge so that they can fit all of their beer. They drink all day long in front of my kids for days in a row. How do I request that they drink less when they visit, without implying that they have a drinking problem?

[Anonymous]

You really can't say much without being a judgmental bitch (even if you are right on this one). Buy a cooler and some ice in preparation for their visits and keep the fridge to yourself.

[Anonymous]

Um, hello... where is DH? This is HIS crazy family, right?

[Anonymous]

Sorry, but this seems to be a deeply ingrained habit with your ILs. All-day drinking??

So either you choose to take a stand and address their over-consumption of alcohol and maybe ask them to drink less until the kids go to bed at night or you deal with their habits while they are there. Does the drinking make them more bearable at least?

[Anonymous]

My inlaws are alcoholics also. You can not change them. We just don't see them very often because I do not want my kids growing up around drunks and thinking that family get togethers are about booze. It took a while for my DH to see how messed up his family is because that is how he grew up. You want your kids to grow up in a healthy home. Put your foot down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Um, hello... where is DH? This is HIS crazy family, right?

+1 He should suggest they stay at a hotel if they can't curb their drinking. If they can't then they have a drinking problem and you have every right to limit their time with your children.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks. They used to stay in a hotel when we lived downtown but now we live in the burbs so they stay here. I actually like the cooler idea. It's passive aggressive but practical.

[Anonymous]

My MIL is a wino and when she visited after the last baby was born, we just told her that since I was breastfeeding, we weren't keeping any alcohol in the house. It was kind of funny watching her salivate every evening around 5 (the time when she's used to cracking open the bottle) and then having to be her sober self all night. She'd usually retreat to her room earlier with a book which was another added bonus. While the kids were too young to notice, we did this mainly for ourselves, as she turns into a pathetic buffoon when she drinks. Can you come up with some sort of similar excuse, like you're going alcohol free for X reason and having the temptation around makes it harder? That'll give them a firmer boundary that they can choose to either disrespectfully cross or abide by.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My MIL is a wino and when she visited after the last baby was born, we just told her that since I was breastfeeding, we weren't keeping any alcohol in the house. It was kind of funny watching her salivate every evening around 5 (the time when she's used to cracking open the bottle) and then having to be her sober self all night. She'd usually retreat to her room earlier with a book which was another added bonus. While the kids were too young to notice, we did this mainly for ourselves, as she turns into a pathetic buffoon when she drinks. Can you come up with some sort of similar excuse, like you're going alcohol free for X reason and having the temptation around makes it harder? That'll give them a firmer boundary that they can choose to either disrespectfully cross or abide by.

That's kinda mean.

[Anonymous]

Could you get a mini fridge for the guest room? They can keep their stash in there instead if rearranging the kitchen fridge.

You can't police their drinking. They'll do what they want, as I'm sure you know by now.

[Anonymous]

My FIL is an actual alcoholic and we keep an entirely alcohol free home, so his visits are tense. We live around the corner from a restaurant with a great selection of beers. We hoped FIL would be able to respect our wishes by not bringing liquor into our home and we hoped he would be able to excuse himself to the corner place if he really wanted a drink, but he wasn't able to control himself and it's clear that with any future visits, we'll need to arrange for the ILs to stay at a nearby hotel or AirBnB place. I also had an alcoholic grandfather growing up and my mom managed it very well - giving us plenty of opportunities to spend time with him during his sober hours and shielding us from his darkest hours. FIL gets very mean when he's drunk, so it's not just about shielding the kids from the bad example of drinking like that, but it's also about keeping our home a safe place, free of verbal abuse.

Anyway, you & DH have to decide what the rules are for your home. If other guests are allowed to drink wine at your dinner table, then you can't really tell your ILs they're not allowed to. But if other guests don't get to take over your fridge, then it's fair game for your to curtail that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks. They used to stay in a hotel when we lived downtown but now we live in the burbs so they stay here. I actually like the cooler idea. It's passive aggressive but practical.

I don't even think it will come off as passive aggressive (so long as you don't have other behaviors that are clearly passive aggressive)- it just comes off as household logistics for the weekend. We often have to use a cooler when our whole family gets together (at parents home) for this reason, except its less about the all-day drinking and more about the sheer numbers of people that will be having beverages (not all alcoholic) throughout the weekend.

[Anonymous]

Why would you want them to drink less? Because it's your house. Sure, you can ask them not to drink or to drink that and then you'll be coming over here complaining how they never do anything for your kids. They are grown people. Unless they are getting mean or belligerent when they drink, I don't see where you get off asking them to curtail their drinking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I are not big drinkers. Every time my inlaws come to visit, they bring large amounts of beer and wine into our house. They move groceries out of the fridge or around the fridge so that they can fit all of their beer. They drink all day long in front of my kids for days in a row. How do I request that they drink less when they visit, without implying that they have a drinking problem?

How is this NOT a drinking problem? All day, every day? Asking them to stop is going to cause a fight? It sounds like they have a problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL is a wino and when she visited after the last baby was born, we just told her that since I was breastfeeding, we weren't keeping any alcohol in the house. It was kind of funny watching her salivate every evening around 5 (the time when she's used to cracking open the bottle) and then having to be her sober self all night. She'd usually retreat to her room earlier with a book which was another added bonus. While the kids were too young to notice, we did this mainly for ourselves, as she turns into a pathetic buffoon when she drinks. Can you come up with some sort of similar excuse, like you're going alcohol free for X reason and having the temptation around makes it harder? That'll give them a firmer boundary that they can choose to either disrespectfully cross or abide by.

That's kinda mean.

NP. Maybe a little. But it's also funny.