Class fund non-participants: where do you think the party food comes from??

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I was often the room parent when my kids were in lower grades and I used to send out emails at the beginning of the year detailing what activities, parties, food, teacher's gift we would have for the entire year. I met with the teacher to draw out the plans (usually duplicating what was done in the previous years), and send an email and a signup genius link to all parents. An email was sent every week for the first 6 weeks, listing the names of all the people who had contributed. Within the first couple of weeks, all parents used to sent in their fixed $ contribution. We usually had a set number of celebrations, some activities and holiday teacher's gift. We relied on some parents to make a costco run for the parties.

I did not want to run after people to get money from them, so I made sure that all the funds were collected during the first few weeks of school. I sent emails every week for the first few weeks listing the names of people who contributed and those who still had to. It was easy to write the reminder emails at the beginning of the year.

OP, being a room parent is a responsibility not a popularity contest. You need to be blunt and make sure that everyone contributes at least a minimum agreed upon amount. If people want to contribute more it is up to them, but the fixed amount contribution is mandatory.

Wow, this is really shitting. You called out the people who didn't contribute? You're pretty rude to even gripe about it behind their backs, but you are an awful person for shaming them in a group email.

- a room mom

Agreed. It is terrible to keep track and call out people like that.
Our teacher gave us room parents a form letter for the class donation which we adapted. In it she asked us to keep track of amounts but not who donated. I think that was best.

+1!

If a room parent in my DC’s class sent out a class wide email naming families who didn’t give money, I would think very poorly of that room parent, not of the parents who didn’t (for whatever reason) contribute!

That is really inappropriate to keep track of who gives and who does not. I would never agree to that (nor do I even keep track). Either we get the money or sign ups and if we don't I pay.

I can’t believe you did this. So rude. I would think horrible of you as well- not the families who didn’t contribute

Its horrible I pay for the parties if we don't get enough donations or I don't feel like bothering to ask for donations because of how people are? Yes, what a terrible person I am.

Yes, you are a horrible person to shame parents who haven't paid the amount that you deem appropriate. If you want to pay for the parties yourself, you should be gracious about it and not act a martyr. If you don't want to pay for the parties (which is perfectly fine), pay for the party that you can afford with the donations you received.
You don't get to shame people for donating enough for you to create the party that you want simply because you want it.

You cannot shame the shameless. The fear of being named makes everyone tow the line. parties are decided by the teacher and are usually a culmination of units they are being taught. I only decide modest gift cards for 3 teachers. Art, music and home room teacher. Total yearly cost for each child is $40. I get it all within first 2 weeks of school starting. And we are not doing over the top parties, but very low cost treats.

I absolutely get to shame the parents if they don’t contribute. That is how the cookie crumbles.

Maybe the parents think you're going to misuse the funds?

Hmmmm, I wonder how that would be since other parent volunteers buy the stuff and submit the receipt for reimbursement. All accounting, budget and party details are on a shared google drive.

I have been a room parent 3x.. I finally learned my lesson after the third time! Those who chose not to participate wanted to do their own thing and contribute what they wanted. They felt that way and even if it isn't my style, you have to respect it. Some people don't want to hand over cash to a stranger and have them buy whatever THEY think is appropriate use of someone's dollars. Being a nag when asking for money just makes you a parent to avoid in the future..and who wants that?

[Anonymous]

OP- I (and many of my mom friends) don't want our kids to have pizza at school... so don't buy it, ok?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I only decide modest gift cards for 3 teachers. Art, music and home room teacher. Total yearly cost for each child is $40. I get it all within first 2 weeks of school starting. And we are not doing over the top parties, but very low cost treats.

I absolutely get to shame the parents if they don’t contribute. That is how the cookie crumbles.

If someone is asking for any substantial amount of money from everyone in the class, I tend to wonder whether that room mom is pocketing some of the money. I don't want to give money. I'd prefer to send items in for class parties as needed, and I'd prefer to pick my own gifts for the teachers. OP, just because you have some weird control freak thing going on doesn't mean that everyone else is obligated to give in to your whims. I always sign up via SignupGenius to bring items for parties, and I buy my own gifts for my kids' teachers. I'd laugh in your face if you appointed yourself the room parent, demanded money from me, and then tried to shame me for not contributing to the classroom or teachers in the way you deemed appropriate.

Who the hell even does class gifts for teachers beyond preschool? It's incredibly pushy and presumptuous for you to decide how everyone else is going to show appreciation to their teachers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ha ha. The freeloaders are so upset. Don’t worry, the parents in my room, don’t give me a chance to complain. The donations are in within a week of sending the request. We do send the reminders daily though.

I think it is very effective. The more submissive room parents get stressed and bullied by freeloaders. There is a reason why the burnout is so high. My methods are effective enough that I don’t have to run for donations and a large number of parents get to volunteer and contribute extras to the events. I am a leader who leads through using both the carrot and the stick.

Maybe the 'freeloaders' think that the lunch and snack they packed for their kids are perfectly adequate. Just from this thread, I think you're a pushy control freak who either horribly mismanages money or has over-the-top parties. Just scale back or stop. $40 per kid for a class of 25 is $1000. Blowing through that in a year is way over the top. Nobody wants any of this, except you. When people don't contribute, they're telling you that they don't want you to have all of these over-the-top parties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I only decide modest gift cards for 3 teachers. Art, music and home room teacher. Total yearly cost for each child is $40. I get it all within first 2 weeks of school starting. And we are not doing over the top parties, but very low cost treats.

I absolutely get to shame the parents if they don’t contribute. That is how the cookie crumbles.

If someone is asking for any substantial amount of money from everyone in the class, I tend to wonder whether that room mom is pocketing some of the money. I don't want to give money. I'd prefer to send items in for class parties as needed, and I'd prefer to pick my own gifts for the teachers. OP, just because you have some weird control freak thing going on doesn't mean that everyone else is obligated to give in to your whims. I always sign up via SignupGenius to bring items for parties, and I buy my own gifts for my kids' teachers. I'd laugh in your face if you appointed yourself the room parent, demanded money from me, and then tried to shame me for not contributing to the classroom or teachers in the way you deemed appropriate.

Who the hell even does class gifts for teachers beyond preschool? It's incredibly pushy and presumptuous for you to decide how everyone else is going to show appreciation to their teachers.

On year the room parent collected money and bought a very expensive tacky piece of jewelry made by her friend. After that I just decided to do my own thing.

[Anonymous]

^^^one

[Anonymous]

Do many schools even have room parents anymore? At my kids' school, the teachers just create signup genius invitations for each party, and people just buy things that the teacher requests. Everyone handles their own presents for teachers. I love it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ha ha. The freeloaders are so upset. Don’t worry, the parents in my room, don’t give me a chance to complain. The donations are in within a week of sending the request. We do send the reminders daily though.

I think it is very effective. The more submissive room parents get stressed and bullied by freeloaders. There is a reason why the burnout is so high. My methods are effective enough that I don’t have to run for donations and a large number of parents get to volunteer and contribute extras to the events. I am a leader who leads through using both the carrot and the stick.

Maybe the 'freeloaders' think that the lunch and snack they packed for their kids are perfectly adequate. Just from this thread, I think you're a pushy control freak who either horribly mismanages money or has over-the-top parties. Just scale back or stop. $40 per kid for a class of 25 is $1000. Blowing through that in a year is way over the top. Nobody wants any of this, except you. When people don't contribute, they're telling you that they don't want you to have all of these over-the-top parties.

Over the top doesn't mean expensive. It can be done cheaply and look really good if someone actually puts some effort into it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ha ha. The freeloaders are so upset. Don’t worry, the parents in my room, don’t give me a chance to complain. The donations are in within a week of sending the request. We do send the reminders daily though.

I think it is very effective. The more submissive room parents get stressed and bullied by freeloaders. There is a reason why the burnout is so high. My methods are effective enough that I don’t have to run for donations and a large number of parents get to volunteer and contribute extras to the events. I am a leader who leads through using both the carrot and the stick.

Maybe the 'freeloaders' think that the lunch and snack they packed for their kids are perfectly adequate. Just from this thread, I think you're a pushy control freak who either horribly mismanages money or has over-the-top parties. Just scale back or stop. $40 per kid for a class of 25 is $1000. Blowing through that in a year is way over the top. Nobody wants any of this, except you. When people don't contribute, they're telling you that they don't want you to have all of these over-the-top parties.

THIS! I did the math and wondered where the $400 went.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do many schools even have room parents anymore? At my kids' school, the teachers just create signup genius invitations for each party, and people just buy things that the teacher requests. Everyone handles their own presents for teachers. I love it!

Our room parents only handle the parties. Some handle teacher presents but I've never bothered and just prefer to have everyone get what they want given the ethics issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ha ha. The freeloaders are so upset. Don’t worry, the parents in my room, don’t give me a chance to complain. The donations are in within a week of sending the request. We do send the reminders daily though.

I think it is very effective. The more submissive room parents get stressed and bullied by freeloaders. There is a reason why the burnout is so high. My methods are effective enough that I don’t have to run for donations and a large number of parents get to volunteer and contribute extras to the events. I am a leader who leads through using both the carrot and the stick.

Maybe the 'freeloaders' think that the lunch and snack they packed for their kids are perfectly adequate. Just from this thread, I think you're a pushy control freak who either horribly mismanages money or has over-the-top parties. Just scale back or stop. $40 per kid for a class of 25 is $1000. Blowing through that in a year is way over the top. Nobody wants any of this, except you. When people don't contribute, they're telling you that they don't want you to have all of these over-the-top parties.

THIS! I did the math and wondered where the $400 went.

I could do an amazing party for $400. Petting zoo, video game truck, bounce house... that would be great.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP- I (and many of my mom friends) don't want our kids to have pizza at school... so don't buy it, ok?

Here's an idea, tell your kids not to eat it. The parents who say they don't want it usually have the kids the first to line up. Plus, its not your money, so your option is to tell your kid not to eat or say thanks.

[Anonymous]

^^ and the requests were coming from multiple places: PTA, after school, party fund etc etc. And on a more personal note the room parent tended to get all the benefit of giving the gifts/ parties she used the class money for. Not to mention $135 for pizza pretty pricey.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP- I (and many of my mom friends) don't want our kids to have pizza at school... so don't buy it, ok?

Here's an idea, tell your kids not to eat it. The parents who say they don't want it usually have the kids the first to line up. Plus, its not your money, so your option is to tell your kid not to eat or say thanks.

Wait.. What? This whole thread is the OP bitching about parents not contributing to the pizza fund. So even if you don't want your kids to eat it, OP's going to shame you for not paying for it.

I agree that the parents who say they don't want it have the kids who are the first to line up. That's why the parents don't want it. Parents can control what they put in their child's lunchbox. They can't control what other people bring in and share with their kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was often the room parent when my kids were in lower grades and I used to send out emails at the beginning of the year detailing what activities, parties, food, teacher's gift we would have for the entire year. I met with the teacher to draw out the plans (usually duplicating what was done in the previous years), and send an email and a signup genius link to all parents. An email was sent every week for the first 6 weeks, listing the names of all the people who had contributed. Within the first couple of weeks, all parents used to sent in their fixed $ contribution. We usually had a set number of celebrations, some activities and holiday teacher's gift. We relied on some parents to make a costco run for the parties.

I did not want to run after people to get money from them, so I made sure that all the funds were collected during the first few weeks of school. I sent emails every week for the first few weeks listing the names of people who contributed and those who still had to. It was easy to write the reminder emails at the beginning of the year.

OP, being a room parent is a responsibility not a popularity contest. You need to be blunt and make sure that everyone contributes at least a minimum agreed upon amount. If people want to contribute more it is up to them, but the fixed amount contribution is mandatory.

Wow, this is really shitting. You called out the people who didn't contribute? You're pretty rude to even gripe about it behind their backs, but you are an awful person for shaming them in a group email.

- a room mom

Agreed. It is terrible to keep track and call out people like that.
Our teacher gave us room parents a form letter for the class donation which we adapted. In it she asked us to keep track of amounts but not who donated. I think that was best.

+1!

If a room parent in my DC’s class sent out a class wide email naming families who didn’t give money, I would think very poorly of that room parent, not of the parents who didn’t (for whatever reason) contribute!

That is really inappropriate to keep track of who gives and who does not. I would never agree to that (nor do I even keep track). Either we get the money or sign ups and if we don't I pay.

I can’t believe you did this. So rude. I would think horrible of you as well- not the families who didn’t contribute

Its horrible I pay for the parties if we don't get enough donations or I don't feel like bothering to ask for donations because of how people are? Yes, what a terrible person I am.

Yes, you are a horrible person to shame parents who haven't paid the amount that you deem appropriate. If you want to pay for the parties yourself, you should be gracious about it and not act a martyr. If you don't want to pay for the parties (which is perfectly fine), pay for the party that you can afford with the donations you received.
You don't get to shame people for donating enough for you to create the party that you want simply because you want it.

You cannot shame the shameless. The fear of being named makes everyone tow the line. parties are decided by the teacher and are usually a culmination of units they are being taught. I only decide modest gift cards for 3 teachers. Art, music and home room teacher. Total yearly cost for each child is $40. I get it all within first 2 weeks of school starting. And we are not doing over the top parties, but very low cost treats.

I absolutely get to shame the parents if they don’t contribute. That is how the cookie crumbles.

Maybe the parents think you're going to misuse the funds?

Another room mom here: you are collecting $40 per child with what, 20-30 kids per class and you are only doing basic parties and modest gift cards. I'd very much question where the money is going. I can do a party from $80-100 or so with decorations, pizza, cake, fruit, veggies, other snacks and a drink and activities when I completely pay for it. You don't need to buy decorations every year and just fill in things that couldn't be reused but I save them year to year (stuff I bought/my money). If I get sign up genius donations, much less though I tend to bring a lot of the basics (and save them for the next party) as many times parents forget to send it even when they buy it. So, on your budget, I could have a great party or get large gift cards. We have more teachers than just art, music and homeroom. I give to each of the teachers, aide in the room, front desk women, nurse (if she's seen my kid that year) so parents would still need to get gifts for the other special teachers and aide.