Wife takes care of the 'other woman', ends her DH's affair and his marriage in one evening

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^wtf are you talking about? I’m 52 and have a career in STEM and all my female friends are lawyers, doctors, IT consultants, etc.

My mother worked too and told us to always have our own income.

There was no need to work given what the men make, but we all kept it because we liked what we did and wanted our own $/retirement and identity.

+1 “These women” that came before are precisely the reason younger women have a seat at the table and the rights they do now. What a bunch of ungrateful douches.

You completely missed the point. Of course older women are educated and have careers. My 84 y/o mom had me, her first, at 40 and has a PhD in organic chemistry. I was talking about and replying to the PP who said that most of the women identify as wives only and their marriage is their entire soul, so it's understandable when they snap and kill the AP and themselves, as there is nothing else important for them outside their marriage. This is unthinkable for someone 40 or younger. If there are any women left who define themselves by their marital status only, they are older women, especially those who married young, like the wife in this story.

I’ve seen couples like this. In one case the wife got married very young to an older, more experienced man. They’ve been married for 25+ years but it’s been a rollercoaster. No kids, either. He is the reason she lives and she lets everyone on Facebook know that. Lots of “ooh look at us, the most wonderful loving couple.” He’s a cad, everyone knows it. Makes me think of that horrible story from last year about the Instagram camping couple, perfect online, a nightmare in real life. Either she’s blissfully unaware or scared out of her mind of him leaving and having to go through a divorce. She once declared to me that she’d never divorce. I think it would be not only financially devastating but soul crushing because of her devotion not only to him but to the idea of marriage. Fir some people divorce is a major sign of personal failure they can’t live with.

I’m 50. A career, my own retirement, met my husband when we were both 25. My identity is with my career and as a mother. Those two things define me more than anything. I’m a wife, and committed. If we divorced, while I’d be sad since I love my husband, it would be foremost about who and what my kids would be exposed to and what it would do then to psychologically. Me, I’d survive.

[Anonymous]

It really doesn't matter career, or not. It's a personality thing along with self esteem. Look at Hillary Clinton...money, and career yet she is co-dependent on a cheater for some reason. They're all walks of life. Jennairs entire being and self worth came from men/Mark. Listen to the tape on how she viewed older divorced women. Completely unrealistic, but somehow she talked herself into it. Perhaps as an excuse to the audience or herself on her reason to kill herself as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^ her and Betty B just couldn’t let it go. I get it. I got caught up in that for a few weeks before the light bulb came on and I thought “wtf. What am I doing? These two are nasty and disgusting. A couple of losers”. The more at stake you have (kids, decades of your life, etc) the harder it is- but what is the alternative? Yuck

I think Meredith's husband couldn't wait to unload her after Jennair told him everything. Being Mark's boss and losing her job should have woke her up. That husband ended up getting married, and has a child now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It really doesn't matter career, or not. It's a personality thing along with self esteem. Look at Hillary Clinton...money, and career yet she is co-dependent on a cheater for some reason. They're all walks of life. Jennairs entire being and self worth came from men/Mark. Listen to the tape on how she viewed older divorced women. Completely unrealistic, but somehow she talked herself into it. Perhaps as an excuse to the audience or herself on her reason to kill herself as well.

There are plenty of women out there who find wonderful new spouses the second time around at 50+. It happens. My mother’s friend did it after more than 20 years with someone who ogled every women who passed by. She had had enough, divorced and continued her life. She’s now in her late 60s and not withering in a bad marriage to save face.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It really doesn't matter career, or not. It's a personality thing along with self esteem. Look at Hillary Clinton...money, and career yet she is co-dependent on a cheater for some reason. They're all walks of life. Jennairs entire being and self worth came from men/Mark. Listen to the tape on how she viewed older divorced women. Completely unrealistic, but somehow she talked herself into it. Perhaps as an excuse to the audience or herself on her reason to kill herself as well.

There are plenty of women out there who find wonderful new spouses the second time around at 50+. It happens. My mother’s friend did it after more than 20 years with someone who ogled every women who passed by. She had had enough, divorced and continued her life. She’s now in her late 60s and not withering in a bad marriage to save face.

Not to mention why can't someone be happy single? If something happened to my DH I would go on cruises and trips. Have fun with my kids, friends, and family.
I'd certainly rather be on my own than live with someone like Mark.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It really doesn't matter career, or not. It's a personality thing along with self esteem. Look at Hillary Clinton...money, and career yet she is co-dependent on a cheater for some reason. They're all walks of life. Jennairs entire being and self worth came from men/Mark. Listen to the tape on how she viewed older divorced women. Completely unrealistic, but somehow she talked herself into it. Perhaps as an excuse to the audience or herself on her reason to kill herself as well.

There are plenty of women out there who find wonderful new spouses the second time around at 50+. It happens. My mother’s friend did it after more than 20 years with someone who ogled every women who passed by. She had had enough, divorced and continued her life. She’s now in her late 60s and not withering in a bad marriage to save face.

Not to mention why can't someone be happy single? If something happened to my DH I would go on cruises and trips. Have fun with my kids, friends, and family.
I'd certainly rather be on my own than live with someone like Mark.

Exactly. There are married men out there who are constantly casting lines looking to see who they can draw in. It’s an ego thing. It’s a habit they won’t break. Their wives will claim they tolerate it just fine thinking it means he’s still hot. These women are proud they got the prize and are convinced everyone wants their husband, too. Probably very hard to keep female friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It really doesn't matter career, or not. It's a personality thing along with self esteem. Look at Hillary Clinton...money, and career yet she is co-dependent on a cheater for some reason. They're all walks of life. Jennairs entire being and self worth came from men/Mark. Listen to the tape on how she viewed older divorced women. Completely unrealistic, but somehow she talked herself into it. Perhaps as an excuse to the audience or herself on her reason to kill herself as well.

There are plenty of women out there who find wonderful new spouses the second time around at 50+. It happens. My mother’s friend did it after more than 20 years with someone who ogled every women who passed by. She had had enough, divorced and continued her life. She’s now in her late 60s and not withering in a bad marriage to save face.

I am a 50+ woman looking for a wonderful spouse and I hope you’re right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ you need to read more critically. No one is justifying murder. Lots of people are recognizing that the wife was abused (gaslit, etc) and had a breakdown as a result, and was obviously (and understandably) not stable at the end.

And that if you want to greatly reduce your chances of a crazy person going after you or your family, don’t f@“”ck and maintain a relationship with somebody that’s married. Pretty simple.

We have different takes on this. For me the lesson is that your marriage should not be the only thing that you have going for you. You need close friends and family. You need to build a world outside your marriage. You cannot own a human being. If someone does not want to be married to you move on. She is dead and buried. And he is living his life, putting his ugly face out there, using her name to seek attention.

Yes. All that can be true AND so can be the concept that getting involved in an ongoing sexual relationship with someone else's husband or wife invites psychosis and danger.

You are absolutely right. It's just that the murderous act stands out to me more than anything else.

I am someone who will never cheat or date an involved man. But I cannot understand how one goes from being a victim of cheating to a murderer. It's so senseless. So it's harder for me to focus on that smaller yet obvious lesson.

I didn’t either. Until I was 100% completely blindsided finding out about a multi-year affair two decades into marriage with kids. Great marriage/sex life/happy family. I went to a very dark place. I practically had a nervous breakdown and reality was distorted. Nobody in our circle ever could have predicted this. It really shocked so many. I was not sleeping or eating. I couldn’t. That does a number on your mental health.

I had my own income, a great family and was strong mentally so I can see if somebody had past trauma or was slightly unstable prior or had underlying mental health issues—how in that incredible loony fog they could commit a crime of passion. Insomnia over an extended period of time does a number on your sense of reality.

I have always had a great fear of prison. I watched far too many prison documentaries. For a few weeks the thought of prison and what it would do to my kids was the only thing stopping me. I scared myself. It really is one of those- unless you lived it (long happy marriage with unconditional trust) you could never understand what it’s really like. It’s nothing like I imagined or in the movies.

I know I would never murder, but I can see why it is common in these situations.

Murder is not a common reaction to adultery.

Adultery is rampant. The most common reaction is to ignore it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ you need to read more critically. No one is justifying murder. Lots of people are recognizing that the wife was abused (gaslit, etc) and had a breakdown as a result, and was obviously (and understandably) not stable at the end.

And that if you want to greatly reduce your chances of a crazy person going after you or your family, don’t f@“”ck and maintain a relationship with somebody that’s married. Pretty simple.

We have different takes on this. For me the lesson is that your marriage should not be the only thing that you have going for you. You need close friends and family. You need to build a world outside your marriage. You cannot own a human being. If someone does not want to be married to you move on. She is dead and buried. And he is living his life, putting his ugly face out there, using her name to seek attention.

Yes. All that can be true AND so can be the concept that getting involved in an ongoing sexual relationship with someone else's husband or wife invites psychosis and danger.

You are absolutely right. It's just that the murderous act stands out to me more than anything else.

I am someone who will never cheat or date an involved man. But I cannot understand how one goes from being a victim of cheating to a murderer. It's so senseless. So it's harder for me to focus on that smaller yet obvious lesson.

I didn’t either. Until I was 100% completely blindsided finding out about a multi-year affair two decades into marriage with kids. Great marriage/sex life/happy family. I went to a very dark place. I practically had a nervous breakdown and reality was distorted. Nobody in our circle ever could have predicted this. It really shocked so many. I was not sleeping or eating. I couldn’t. That does a number on your mental health.

I had my own income, a great family and was strong mentally so I can see if somebody had past trauma or was slightly unstable prior or had underlying mental health issues—how in that incredible loony fog they could commit a crime of passion. Insomnia over an extended period of time does a number on your sense of reality.

I have always had a great fear of prison. I watched far too many prison documentaries. For a few weeks the thought of prison and what it would do to my kids was the only thing stopping me. I scared myself. It really is one of those- unless you lived it (long happy marriage with unconditional trust) you could never understand what it’s really like. It’s nothing like I imagined or in the movies.

I know I would never murder, but I can see why it is common in these situations.

Murder is not a common reaction to adultery.

Adultery is rampant. The most common reaction is to ignore it.

While most don't murder they certainly don't ignore it. There are usually consequences for cheating in some form. Jennair contacted their employer which often happens, and the other spouse. Of course she should have let it go after that, but I've seldom seen cheating ignored...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^ her and Betty B just couldn’t let it go. I get it. I got caught up in that for a few weeks before the light bulb came on and I thought “wtf. What am I doing? These two are nasty and disgusting. A couple of losers”. The more at stake you have (kids, decades of your life, etc) the harder it is- but what is the alternative? Yuck

I like true crime. Betty was a whole different case, but yes she let her anger rule. Dan was also combative, and gave Betty hell. He used his contacts to rob her of most of the marital assets. You'd have to read the court transcripts, but still she had choices. Betty kept 2 jobs to put Dan through law school, and of course once he was doing well he wanted someone young. He was actually pretty awful, and the world is better off with him and Linda gone. Still Betty had her kids, and a lot of support which she didn't see or appreciate. I'm not sure Jennair had all that, but again choices.

[Anonymous]

Who are Don and Betty?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who are Don and Betty?

Characters on a TV show about the 1950s

[Anonymous]

why is this thread alive?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who are Don and Betty?

Characters on a TV show about the 1950s

Mad Men? If so I didn’t get that far.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:why is this thread alive?

Someone dug it up but it is quite a story about how you never really know who you’re dealing with and what someone is truly capable of. The husband and AP probably had no idea how the wife would really respond and placed bets on her smashing some wedding china but eventually accepting a divorce without argument. Also points to how divorce is so stigmatized that she truly believed her life was over without a marriage defining it.