Should I call the coach or not?

[Anonymous]

Hi please need your opinions. My son excels in his sport, at end of the season various awards are given at different levels lets just say they are level 1, 2 and 3 (1 being the highest). My son was a 3 last year and given his performance this season by all accounts was a level 2 (only about 40 in the country are awarded level 1).But he got level 3 again. He was really disappointed. Of the 40 people on his team, only about 8 get anything at all, but he was certainly considered of those 8 to be one of the stronger players.
I did not let on to him my own disappointment in how this was awarded and just told him in a very positive way that we are really proud of him and that sometimes politics gets in the way and to move on and look to the future. BUT being the competitor i am myself I really want to reach out to the head coach not as a confrontation but to ask him nicely how this is figured out and to let him know that we were a little surprised. What do you think? I would love to know but at the same time do not want to cause any drama, just really curious. Would love to know your take. I think if things are presented in a respectful rational way that there is nothing wrong with asking...wrong or right? Not sure what the "sport protocol" is here.

[Anonymous]

I mean this as kindly as possible, but you're overestimating his abilities/talent. If it were based on a one-off, and he had a bad day/game or something, you might tell the coach he's capable of doing better. But this sounds to me like coaches watched him all season, and it's a cumulative thing. I don't know what you mean when you say "by all accounts [he] was a level 2," because clearly that isn't the case. I can't tell if you're trying to convince yourself of something or what.

My vote is accept it and don't call the coach. But something tells me you will anyway. So if you do, focus the conversation on asking questions about what areas he can improve and maybe get that level 2 next time. Don't argue over what designation he was given.

Is there anything at stake here other than egos?

[Anonymous]

I would do it. You can phrase it in a way that says your son wants to get to the next level and what skills does he need to work on, etc.

[Anonymous]

No, notice how many time sin yoru post you say I and not your son.

Also, I always tell my kids, do not leave the decision up to others, go out there and make sure you let them know you are the best by your performance, and all you cna do is yoru best, if your best isn;t what they are looking for, at least you gave your best. But if you don't give your best, things do not flal into your lap.

also you said this

BUT being the competitor i am

let it go

[Anonymous]

I would never do a thing like that. Then whatever level he gets from now on, you would never know if he earned it or was given to him because of your phone call. Of course, plenty of parents don't care if it's not earned, just that their kid "excels" so maybe that's you.

I would take this opportunity to teach your kid to keep trying, to keep doing his best, to stay committed because he loves it and is good at it, etc. Way more important IMO.

[Anonymous]

How old is your child? Can you and the child ask the coach what he needs to work on to get to the next level? I think that is an appropriate question to ask

[Anonymous]

I would wait until I had more evidence that he was unfairly passed over.

However my friend would not. She's really competitive, but communicates very gently - she would probably talk to the coach in person, and politely express surprise that he didn't get award 1, since he had made so much progress this year, both on the technically, strategically and behavior-wise (sportsmanship). Here she would provide actual examples, and quote the praise the coach had given. Her whole demeanor is so non-confrontational that it always goes down very well, but she insists if she has to.

Another point - if he's a teen or older, maybe he can also ask the questions himself. Looks a little bad at that point to have the parent push in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi please need your opinions. My son excels in his sport, at end of the season various awards are given at different levels lets just say they are level 1, 2 and 3 (1 being the highest). My son was a 3 last year and given his performance this season by all accounts was a level 2 (only about 40 in the country are awarded level 1).But he got level 3 again. He was really disappointed. Of the 40 people on his team, only about 8 get anything at all, but he was certainly considered of those 8 to be one of the stronger players.
I did not let on to him my own disappointment in how this was awarded and just told him in a very positive way that we are really proud of him and that sometimes politics gets in the way and to move on and look to the future. BUT being the competitor i am myself I really want to reach out to the head coach not as a confrontation but to ask him nicely how this is figured out and to let him know that we were a little surprised. What do you think? I would love to know but at the same time do not want to cause any drama, just really curious. Would love to know your take. I think if things are presented in a respectful rational way that there is nothing wrong with asking...wrong or right? Not sure what the "sport protocol" is here.

Do you really think it is best to blame external factors when something doesn't go your way?

[Anonymous]

What age and what sport are we talking about here? Who carries 40 kids on a spring roster?
Why would you tell politics get in the way? Why make excuses for him. If he wants level 1, tell him to find out his weakness and work harder. That would be the only thing I would ask the coach, and I would have the kids ask him. Coach-What do I need to do to get the next level.
Let the coaches coach.
Get used to dissapoinment kiddo, it happens to best of us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi please need your opinions. My son excels in his sport, at end of the season various awards are given at different levels lets just say they are level 1, 2 and 3 (1 being the highest). My son was a 3 last year and given his performance this season by all accounts was a level 2 (only about 40 in the country are awarded level 1).But he got level 3 again. He was really disappointed. Of the 40 people on his team, only about 8 get anything at all, but he was certainly considered of those 8 to be one of the stronger players.
I did not let on to him my own disappointment in how this was awarded and just told him in a very positive way that we are really proud of him and that sometimes politics gets in the way and to move on and look to the future. BUT being the competitor i am myself I really want to reach out to the head coach not as a confrontation but to ask him nicely how this is figured out and to let him know that we were a little surprised. What do you think? I would love to know but at the same time do not want to cause any drama, just really curious. Would love to know your take. I think if things are presented in a respectful rational way that there is nothing wrong with asking...wrong or right? Not sure what the "sport protocol" is here.

[Anonymous]

Oh my god stay out of it and get a life

[Anonymous]

My DH coaches an A team (for which you have to try out) and OMG, so many parents are like the OP. They have their heads in the clouds and think their kids are so much better than everyone else. And yes, they do truly think they see outstanding performance when the performance is average.

There are always a few parents out there like that. Maybe someone will drop out and your son can come in as a back-up player.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old is your child? Can you and the child ask the coach what he needs to work on to get to the next level? I think that is an appropriate question to ask

that is what I was going to say. Rather than complaining that he didn't get x, y and z. ask what is expected and what he needs to do to get there.

[Anonymous]

I have to play devils advocate here. My son was a very good (everyone would agree on this) soccer player, I will go far as to even say outstanding.
He was not selected for all conference but everyone expected him to get it. He was the highest scoring defender IN THE STATE (most defenders do not score). My husband met with the coaches and they both admitted he should have made it, it went back "up for discussion" with the panel I guess and they came back saying it was an oversight. He was given it afterall and this is not parents thinking he was better than he was, he was heavily recruited and now plays for Dartmouth, so this is NOT the case of a kids parents thinking he is better than he is. Things do happen and yes sometimes things slip between the cracks.
I feel like if you can say it very politely and come from a place of genuine confusion (IF your son is really that good) that you are just surprised and wanted to know how these selections were made, etc...maybe they won't e defensive and instead will want to explain things. In our case it paid off in spades, I didn't do it so much for myself but for my son who had worked incredibly hard, had been featured in a few magazine articles, news,etc....and then to not have gotten that just was bewildering so if your case OP is like this..then I say there is nothing wrong with asking.

[Anonymous]

What grade and what sport? If hes a senior asking the coach what he can do to get better is pointless.