What goes through your mind when an acquaintance lets you know she will get divorced?

[Anonymous]

Pretty recently, I let some acquaintances know I might be going that route. DS goes to a daycare where most moms know each other, and maybe it is just me, but i feel we are suddenly not "popular" anymore. Do you think I am making this up or there might be some truth to it?

[Anonymous]

Are you thinking other moms don't want to deal with drama?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Pretty recently, I let some acquaintances know I might be going that route. DS goes to a daycare where most moms know each other, and maybe it is just me, but i feel we are suddenly not "popular" anymore. Do you think I am making this up or there might be some truth to it?

I think you are acting like you are in high school - who cares about being "popular." However, if you are not ever sure you are getting divorced, someone who is just an acquaintance might feel awkward about hearing that kind of personal information.

[Anonymous]

OP here - what I meant is… fewer playdates (which DS really misses), no more classes together, etc. I only have one child, and I was sort of counting on his friends' support for the tough times ahead. I feel really sad, I don't know what to do. One thing I always counted on was that DS had some sort of support system, but I guess I will have to find something else. I was just wondering, if you had that experience before, did you try to avoid this person?

[Anonymous]

People think it's contagious.

[Anonymous]

Statistically, it is contagious but they are probably trying to avoid drama.

[Anonymous]

I avoid drama - so if I start to hear her talking negatively about the ex then I am out of there. If I hear anything that sounds like the child is being used a pawn or denied equal access to parents, then I am out of there. If I find out she cheated, then I am out of there. If she starts dating someone else soon after, then I am out of there.

Getting divorced on its own isn't going to send me running. It is how the person talks about and acts in the midst of and following the divorce that I go by.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I avoid drama - so if I start to hear her talking negatively about the ex then I am out of there. If I hear anything that sounds like the child is being used a pawn or denied equal access to parents, then I am out of there. If I find out she cheated, then I am out of there. If she starts dating someone else soon after, then I am out of there.

Getting divorced on its own isn't going to send me running. It is how the person talks about and acts in the midst of and following the divorce that I go by.

I agree with this. If you are my good friend, then of course tell me about the divorce. If you are just an acquaintance, then I don't want to know about it. The only person you should be telling is your child's teacher.

[Anonymous]

OP, the thought that goes through my mind when I hear something like this is "your poor, poor child. I'm so sorry for him/ her."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, the thought that goes through my mind when I hear something like this is "your poor, poor child. I'm so sorry for him/ her."

And I wonder why you didn't try a little harder to work it out for your child's sake.

[Anonymous]

I think it is odd that you consider small children an appropriate "support system." Consider actual therapy for your ds?

[Anonymous]

I wonder what happened, but would never ask.

[Anonymous]

I think that people really run from sadness or problems, whether they affect them or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, the thought that goes through my mind when I hear something like this is "your poor, poor child. I'm so sorry for him/ her."

And I wonder why you didn't try a little harder to work it out for your child's sake.

How do you know she didn't?

[Anonymous]

I'd say,"I'm sorry to hear that" and wonder what happened.