Help me be ok with the mommy track
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
| In my early career I was quite a go-getter and golden child at my job. When I dialed back, I was still a superstar based on past record and still being able to handle top performance at work even on fewer hours. Fast forward five years and I am totally stuck in a middling level position. My peers who did not mommy track are ahead of me, and it is depressing. If I am going to advance, I would need to step it up at work and switch jobs. The thing is, I don't want to step it up. I want to be around for my kids and my current job is flexible. On a professional level I just feel very disappointed with where I ended up. Only about 10 more years until I retire but given my kids ages I do not think I will end up ever really getting back into all-in status. Anyone else share my pain. |
Anonymous
| Yep. Sounds just like me. Every time I think about getting back on the priofessional track, I look at what I would have to give up. THe benefits ( professional growth, more salary), do not outweigh the negatives ( less flexibility, less time with my kids, more stress on the home life). So I've just accepted the new model as the model that I want. It doesn't mean that I don't long for what I worked long and hard to get, it just that it's no longer the right job for me. |
Anonymous
| I feel like this too but I have a Government job, so I'm looking for another one to have a fresh start now that my girls aren't infants. I'm sure if you're a higher-paid employee maybe Government work doesn't seem tempting, but if you're able to handle the salary, a 40 hour work week can give you some interesting work and time home with your family. |
Anonymous
|
I know exactly how you feel. During my first pregnancy, I worked up until i went into labor and earned my promotion while on maternity leave. This time around (newborn at home), I could tell people at work were muscling/jockeying for position in the office where I work (I report directly to our division director), but I did not have the energy or the time to get sucked into all of the drama.
Now, I am very much relieved to be at home on maternity leave, but I fully expect on my return (in about 3 months or so), that I will on a local road rather than on an on ramp w/r/t my career. It's a bit sad b/c I definitely have some ways to go before retirement; however, I keep telling myself that I will have much more quality time w/ both of my kids. Even with the first baby, I arranged my hours to spend as much time during the week day w/ her as possible. But, when I think about where I will probably end up career wise I know that the younger 30 something ladies in my office who have yet to have any kids already view me as someone who has lost her 'edge.' |
Anonymous
| Think for a moment how your kids would be with two absentee parents. Your children need you. |
Anonymous
| I was the go getter on the fast track. Getting pregnant wasn't going to slow me down, no ma'am. I planned on working my usual long hours right until I went into labor. Instead, I ended up on several months of total bed rest and even after DC1 was born, I wasn't sure for a while that she was going to be ok. That put things in perspective for me. Now I have two kids and work part-time in a position that sounds fancy on paper but in reality is a complete mommy track. Yes, every once in a while I feel like screaming when someone I trained earns a promotion and I do have "it could have been me" moments, but then I remember a woman that I considered a mentor at one point telling me that I needed to get a day nanny and a night nanny, and see my babies smile, and remember that my priorities have changed. Life isn't perfect. Something has to give and at this stage in my life it has to be my career. |
Anonymous
| Be sure to give mother's day cards to the women who raised your children. |
Anonymous
Why such a bitchy comment? |
Anonymous
| Are these really our only two choices? Mommy track or absentee parent? I want to fanagle something where I can be there and be on top of my career. I will not settle for either. |
Anonymous
| Too bad there isn't a "Daddy Track" then things would be more equal. |
Anonymous
I don't think those are the only 2 choices, but somewhat. There are only so many hours in the day. And personally I don't think a temporary mommy track would be a bad thing - if women (and men!) could slow down a bit when kids are in the picture knowing they'd be able to ramp up again later. Obviously this would mean potentially not making it as far/as fast as though you'd never had kids, but I think most of us would be OK with the idea of it taking until 50 vs 45 to reach point X. The problem is this cultural idea of permanent mommy tracking - that once you slow down at all at any point you're written off for good. I think that's the mindset we really need to change. |
Anonymous
My husband did daddy track and I mommy tracked... He just started to reignite his career because the kids are in HS and I just started back to school to do the same. It was hard to throttle back bt it was worth it. |
Anonymous
|
Anonymous
|
Anonymous
|
Have not read the entire thread but here is my take. You and your husband can be super duper successful in your respective careers but if your kids are not successful, happy, well-adjusted individuals - your success does not mean anything.
So the main benefit of being in the mommy track is to maintain a balance (as much is possible) between parenting and career. |