Women: Did you ask your significant other to be your boyfriend?

[Anonymous]

Or have you in the past? I know it sounds like a silly question, but I have been dating a man since December. I want to be a little more serious with him. I've never been in a long term relationship,although I'm 27. Just never met the right guy. Anyway, we enjoy each others company and he's definitely someone that I can see myself with for a while. So I know under normal circumstances, most guys(according to my friends and their relationships)normally take the initiative to progress the relationship. But would it be appropriate for me to take the lead?

[Anonymous]

well, you can raise the question of whether you want to be exclusive, etc.

[Anonymous]

I think you can bring it up casually to start. He should know your expectations and you should know his.

Are you asking if you are exclusive? Meaning, he's committed not to go out on dates with other women and is sleeping only with you (if you're having sex)? I've said this many times, but until you have that conversation and discussed this explicitly, he may think you're one of his girlfriends (and heck, I wouldn't feel bad to go out with another guy if someone had not said he was committed to me). I just assume that's happening on his end unless I know otherwise.

I learned this lesson at 40.

[Anonymous]

I did. It had only been six weeks or so but we were seeing each other twice a week and wed already talked about going out of town together a specific weekend in a few months. I didn't want to be planning that if he was seeing other people.

I was pretty sure he wasn't. I asked him how he'd feel about us only seeing each other. He did seem a bit surprised (I brought it up out of nowhere). He asked where that came from and I said I was at a point in my life where I'm ready to care about someone, and I only want to be with that person. He said yes. Mid twenties.

[Anonymous]

It's completely appropriate for you to define the terms on which you will allow other people to enjoy your company. I don't see it as "taking the lead". I see it as going after what you need. If you want this guy to be your boyfriend, explain that and - very important - do not continue the relationship on any other terms.

If you never had a long-term relationship, I need to tell you that many men would gladly enjoy your companionship, in and out of bed, without feeling the need to assume any obligations toward you. It's up to you to set the rules on which the relationship will be allowed to proceed. Oftentimes, unless you bring it up explicitly, a man will just proceed to gather his rosebuds while he may.

[Anonymous]

When you say you would like to be a little more serious with him...what is your relationship like now? How often do you see each other, etc and what's missing for you right now (beyond exclusivity)?

[Anonymous]

We hang out a few times a week. I work very late, so he can't hangout almost every day like I want. I am getting to the point where I want to include him in future plans, like meeting family or vacationing together. But I only want to do so if he's serious about us as a couple

[Anonymous]

We were really good friends to begin with and after months of sparks one night we just decided to take it to the next level. It was very natural between us and we really didn't have to have to have a big discussion about being boyfriend/girlfriend/exclusive. We just both knew that we were.

We've known each other for nearly 25 years and we're now married with two kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you can bring it up casually to start. He should know your expectations and you should know his.

Are you asking if you are exclusive? Meaning, he's committed not to go out on dates with other women and is sleeping only with you (if you're having sex)? I've said this many times, but until you have that conversation and discussed this explicitly, he may think you're one of his girlfriends (and heck, I wouldn't feel bad to go out with another guy if someone had not said he was committed to me). I just assume that's happening on his end unless I know otherwise.

I learned this lesson at 40.

+1

When I was dating my DH, I thought we were exclusive. He actually brought it up and said we should be exclusive. This conversation occurred some time before we ever had sex, though we had seriously fooled around (as in almost had sex).

[Anonymous]

In all my serious relationships we never really had "the talk" - they just progressed naturally and in each relationship it was clear we were both "in it". But I know it 'a not always like this. OP, do you feel like part of a "couple"? Do you feel like he's your man, and you're his woman? That sounds cheesy, I know, but that's the feeling you should have by 5 months, right? Wondering what others think, my perception may be skewed by my experience.

[Anonymous]

When we started dating, I asked DH to be exclusive with me as soon as we started having sex. We exchanged I love yous soon after and I asked him to be my boyfriend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In all my serious relationships we never really had "the talk" - they just progressed naturally and in each relationship it was clear we were both "in it". But I know it 'a not always like this. OP, do you feel like part of a "couple"? Do you feel like he's your man, and you're his woman? That sounds cheesy, I know, but that's the feeling you should have by 5 months, right? Wondering what others think, my perception may be skewed by my experience.

Well we talked and although I feel the way that your describing, he doesn't. Although he likes me as a person and enjoys my company. So I think I am more of a friend and not a girlfriend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In all my serious relationships we never really had "the talk" - they just progressed naturally and in each relationship it was clear we were both "in it". But I know it 'a not always like this. OP, do you feel like part of a "couple"? Do you feel like he's your man, and you're his woman? That sounds cheesy, I know, but that's the feeling you should have by 5 months, right? Wondering what others think, my perception may be skewed by my experience.

Well we talked and although I feel the way that your describing, he doesn't. Although he likes me as a person and enjoys my company. So I think I am more of a friend and not a girlfriend.

I'm sorry, OP. I'm the PP and though I had several serious relationships, I was also in your situation several times and it's really hard.
But you deserve more, and you'll find it. Since you have strong feelings for this guy, it will probably be hard to maintain a FWB situation.
It's probably best to end it and move on.

[Anonymous]

Sure, why not??! After all, it is 2014...I say go for it!!

If I were you and I felt the way you feel about someone, I would take the bull by the horns and initiate "the talk."

I would tell the guy how much I liked him and that I really wanted him to be my man. Exclusively.

I think men love this in a woman. It shows confidence and it definitely is flattering to say the least.

Please PLEASE come back on here and tell us what happened.

Keeping my fingers crossed things work in your favor OP!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sure, why not??! After all, it is 2014...I say go for it!!

If I were you and I felt the way you feel about someone, I would take the bull by the horns and initiate "the talk."

I would tell the guy how much I liked him and that I really wanted him to be my man. Exclusively.

I think men love this in a woman. It shows confidence and it definitely is flattering to say the least.

Please PLEASE come back on here and tell us what happened.

Keeping my fingers crossed things work in your favor OP!!

Unfortunately he doesn't feel as strongly as I do. He thinks I'm a great friend.