Inviting a child who lives in shelter over for playdate?

[Anonymous]

So, last week, I found out that my child's best friend in her class lives in a shelter. I'm not sure of this child's family situation, but my child keeps wanting to invite this friend over. I don't really know how to negotiate that. I thought maybe putting a note in this child's backpack? There is a careworker who picks the child up from school - I'm wondering if I could/should ask her?

Does this seem like ok behavior?

[Anonymous]

I would try to find a time to be at school when the child is dropped off/ picked up and ask the adult doing the drop off / pick up

I hope it works out

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would try to find a time to be at school when the child is dropped off/ picked up and ask the adult doing the drop off / pick up

I hope it works out

This, also, if your child and this child have the same classroom teacher, the teacher might be able to help with making the introductions.
I also hope this works out!

[Anonymous]

Just curious how you found out that the child lives in a shelter?

[Anonymous]

I agree that you should talk to whoever does the dropoff and pickup. I too hope it works out!

[Anonymous]

This is really a good thing you are making this effort OP. A nice supervised playdate at a friends house may be the only "normal" kid thing they get to do and is a much needed reprieve from a shelter. I would reach out to the teacher who may have more information on the caregiver situation which may help you determine the best way to reach out.

[Anonymous]

OP, kudos to you! That is all.

[Anonymous]

When our daughter was invited for a playdate, a note was left in her cubby. Glad you are making an effort OP.

[Anonymous]

OP here, I think I'm going to first leave a note in her backpack (in case there is a parent/guardian) in the picture. If I don't get a response, I will ask the caregiver who seems to manage the drop off/pick up situation.

My child just really likes this kid and they seem bonded. It's completely selfish on my part.

[Anonymous]

It likely won't happen unless you commit to picking her up. You'll want to start with letting your child leave your family's phone number to call. And you should absolutely not hesitate to ask whoever is picking her up after school what the best way to make a playdate happen might be and actively introduce yourself to parents/caregivers. You could agree to pick both kids up after school and then drop her off where she needs to be later in the afternoon. Don't do so without the explicit consent and if you are certain that she lives at a shelter make it explicit that you won't mind bringing her there at an agreed upon time. A playdate/sleepover may be an easier arrangement for them but I suspect that you'd run into some recent sensitivities about that, and rightly so. But I'd keep at it. These are important bridges to build in our city.

[Anonymous]

I assume you are talking about elementary school kids. I would do the same as inviting a kid who live anywhere else: greeting the person doing the drop off, introducing myself, chatting a little, mentioning how kids get along well and that my child proposed a playdate. I would expect the same from another parent, and finding a note from a stranger in my kid's backpack would leave me a little cold.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It likely won't happen unless you commit to picking her up. You'll want to start with letting your child leave your family's phone number to call. And you should absolutely not hesitate to ask whoever is picking her up after school what the best way to make a playdate happen might be and actively introduce yourself to parents/caregivers. You could agree to pick both kids up after school and then drop her off where she needs to be later in the afternoon. Don't do so without the explicit consent and if you are certain that she lives at a shelter make it explicit that you won't mind bringing her there at an agreed upon time. A playdate/sleepover may be an easier arrangement for them but I suspect that you'd run into some recent sensitivities about that, and rightly so. But I'd keep at it. These are important bridges to build in our city.

Thanks - this is very helpful. I'm not sure I'm ready for a sleepover yet (we haven't done any yet). I can do any pick up and drop offs - that is not an issue (for me) but I can see the sensitivities there. Perhaps organizing one through the caregiver might ease that. I'm hesitant to go the teacher route, as that put the teacher in a position of possible sharing information that she doesn't have the authorization to share.

Thanks to all who have expressed thoughts and ideas to make this work.

[Anonymous]

When I think I've read it all, then this is typed into reality.

[Anonymous]

Put a note in the backpack. Even if the child lives in a shelter, the parent may have a cell phone and be able to call to arrange.

[Anonymous]

OP, you're totally awesome! Thanks for restoring my faith in local moms and dad's ability to be compassionate.