Inviting a child who lives in shelter over for playdate?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I assume you are talking about elementary school kids. I would do the same as inviting a kid who live anywhere else: greeting the person doing the drop off, introducing myself, chatting a little, mentioning how kids get along well and that my child proposed a playdate. I would expect the same from another parent, and finding a note from a stranger in my kid's backpack would leave me a little cold.

Please do this. I lived in a homeless shelter for three months with my daughter. I already felt SO different from everything we'd been going through - having something like a play date be normal was such a welcome relief.

[Anonymous]

for those suggesting talking to the parent at pickup, a lot of kids in shelters are taken to school by bus since they have the right to attend the same school they went to before they became homeless. So a parent/guardian might not be doing the dropoff.

OP, I think a note in the backpack is great. A lot of homeless families have phones--either free through Safelink or a pay-as-you-go plan. They don't get a lot of minutes or texts so sometimes folks run out at the end of the month. I'd make sure to give lots of options: texting you, calling, email, a note your kid can take home.

[Anonymous]

We had a similar situation with my son. What worked was meeting at a playground which was near the child and convenient on their end. I contacted the parent through our classroom email list. Or through the backpack.

I would not pursue a playdate at your home actually. We have kids over all the time and there are some parents I haven't met but I thought I might come off as too aggressive. I actually think 14:43's advice is a bit strong.

[Anonymous]

I'm confused why you think she wouldn't have a parent or guardian. Homeless shelters won't take unaccompanied kids, at least not ones young enough to have playdates and cubbies, they'd refer them to CPS to be placed in foster care or a group home.

Send a note and be specific in the note "I'd like for XXX to come over after school. I can pick her up when I get my daughter and I'm happy to drive her home after dinner" or something like that.

[Anonymous]

Are you sure she lives in a homeless shelter? It sounds more like a foster care situation if a case worker is picking her up. That is more common in foster care than in-home services (family working with child welfare but kids in home). I can't imagine where a worker would be picking up just for a homeless shelter situation. There is more to the story. I would speak with the teacher first. If it is foster, there are generally rules as to who can care for the child out of the foster home and you'd at a minimum need a background check.

[Anonymous]

How about the playground idea - you and the other child's caregiver could both attend.

[Anonymous]

Shelter or foster care aside, there can always be tricky logistics with arranging out-of-school activities in DC in general. Between charters, OOB, and private schools, many kids have friends spread all over the place.

To PPs applauding OP's altruism, remember that OP is doing what they think is right from their own child's emotional perspective first. Which is as life should be. OP seemed to be asking a respectful question about protocols or advice for a situation that they are unfamiliar with. For anyone whose parents have separated, divorce, minorities, or in some way were considered non-traditional, odds are that some of your friends' parents asked similar questions, politely, about your situation. Hopefully the other parents were thoughtful and discrete like OP.

Back to advice, OP, it sounds like the children are quite young. They may not be up for much activity afterschool anyway. So it might make sense to send an invitation to something specific like a kid-friendly exhibit at a museum near school, free movie or story time at a library, cultural family tradition or neighborhood activity or festival. It doesn't have to be complicated so long as it's something your child really enjoys.

The important thing is that OP's child wants to spend time with the another child and that OP is willing to make that happen. As PP mentioned, use several ways to communicate a specific message and you're likely to get a specific response.

Best wishes for a beautiful friendship for these children

[Anonymous]

Why all the praise? Seems like OP is just doing the right and normal thing. Isn't the play date something that all of you would be willing to organize?

[Anonymous]

OP how old is your child?

[Anonymous]

I would actually go through the teacher - she doesn't have to give you confidential information, just tell you how to make it work. Or ask the child's parent it is okay to give out their contact information (if that parent has a phone).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why all the praise? Seems like OP is just doing the right and normal thing. Isn't the play date something that all of you would be willing to organize?

Right? The comment about building important bridges made me want to gag.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why all the praise? Seems like OP is just doing the right and normal thing. Isn't the play date something that all of you would be willing to organize?

Right? The comment about building important bridges made me want to gag.

Clearly, you two think the circumstances of a child's socioeconomic situation should have no bearing on OP child's friendship, and that's great, and I think we all agree on that.

The many people who have chimed in to offer praise to the OP agree with that sentiment, but have also waded through pages of posts from other DCUM posters who would never dare let their child attend a school with "the poors" let alone have them IN THEIR HOUSE! OMG--the poorness will rub off!!!!

PPs are responding positively to an attitude that is sadly not always the norm on this forum.

[Anonymous]

If you haven't met the mom or dad, I wouldn't do it. Shelter or not, you have to meet the parents. Besides, I would want my child to play/associate with some one who can reciprocate. You surely won't be sending your child to a shelter for a play date. You can ask the teacher and I'm sure she wouldn't suggest it. As a parent, who spent so much time researching schools for the the "right environment", you surely can't feel that environment is what you want for child. It may sound terrible, but I wouldn't welcome that. Besides, the school year is almost over and if this friend is staying in a shelter, he or she most likely won't be returning next year anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you haven't met the mom or dad, I wouldn't do it. Shelter or not, you have to meet the parents. Besides, I would want my child to play/associate with some one who can reciprocate. You surely won't be sending your child to a shelter for a play date. You can ask the teacher and I'm sure she wouldn't suggest it. As a parent, who spent so much time researching schools for the the "right environment", you surely can't feel that environment is what you want for child. It may sound terrible, but I wouldn't welcome that. Besides, the school year is almost over and if this friend is staying in a shelter, he or she most likely won't be returning next year anyway.

+ 100

I agree. It's funny how this post has received over 1000 views and there are 25 comments of praise? Yeah, right! Let me get my popcorn! The truth is about to come out. I'm a parent with homeless children in my child's class and I would not entertain the idea of a play date outside of playing at the school playground after school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you haven't met the mom or dad, I wouldn't do it. Shelter or not, you have to meet the parents. Besides, I would want my child to play/associate with some one who can reciprocate. You surely won't be sending your child to a shelter for a play date. You can ask the teacher and I'm sure she wouldn't suggest it. As a parent, who spent so much time researching schools for the the "right environment", you surely can't feel that environment is what you want for child. It may sound terrible, but I wouldn't welcome that. Besides, the school year is almost over and if this friend is staying in a shelter, he or she most likely won't be returning next year anyway.

+ 100

I agree. It's funny how this post has received over 1000 views and there are 25 comments of praise? Yeah, right! Let me get my popcorn! The truth is about to come out. I'm a parent with homeless children in my child's class and I would not entertain the idea of a play date outside of playing at the school playground after school.

Wow. Cold. I feel sorry for you and suspect that you are not well-liked, and that children would probably not have much at your house anyway.