Family Values, Age, Ethnicity, and HHI Income Unscientific Poll For Parents
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Anonymous
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I'll go first...
Age 40's Ethnicity White HHI mid 200's What is your parenting style? I've been called a Tiger Mom..but I don't think I am one. I do have high academic expectations for my kids though. Do you plan/ or did you pay for your children's college? Graduate School? Plan to pay public school equivalent tuition for undergrad. If kids get into an Ivy, we will try to support them financially 100 percent. For graduate school, we will help them if we can. Would you encourage your children to live with you to save money after graduating college? Would you make them pay rent? Yes , they could live with us. Depends on how frugal they are whether we would collect rent. If we collected "rent" we would return to them when they are older. Will you pay for your son/ daughter's wedding? No, we will give them money though upon engagement and they can spend it as the please. Assuming your health holds up and you are located geographically close how involved would you like to be in your grandkid 's life? I would love to be the primary care taker while they work. |
Anonymous
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Anonymous
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I'll go first...
Age mid-30s Ethnicity White HHI mid just shy of $200k. What is your parenting style? Non-permissive, if that's a style. I teach my children how to appropriately behave in situations and I expect them to do so. If they do not, we leave and there are further consequences at home. Do you plan/ or did you pay for your children's college? Graduate School? We plan to pay for college. Public or private. No, we will not pay for grad school. Would you encourage your children to live with you to save money after graduating college? Would you make them pay rent? No, I would not encourage my children to return home after college. If it was a necessity due to lack of job or other extenuating circumstances, I would allow it, but would absolutely insist they pull their share around the house, either financially (if possible, but seems unlikely in a situation where they need to be living with us) or through doing a share of all house-hold chores and errands. Will you pay for your son/ daughter's wedding? We will offer either gender a set sum to pay for/assist with a wedding. It's their job to work within that budget and if they want caviar and Rolls Royces they'll have to cover that themselves  I disagreed with my IL's stance that because they had only sons they would not help with a wedding, at all because "only the parents of girls have to pay." I don't think a parent is obligated to pay, but it is a very nice gift if you can, especially if you are the one pushing for a big wedding.
Assuming your health holds up and you are located geographically close how involved would you like to be in your grandkid 's life? I will be a loving, doting grandmother who is happy to babysit, cover weeks here and there for the summer and/or vacations for the parents or in the event they were between care situations. I have no interest in being daycare for my grandkids. I don't stay home with my own kids because it's not something I want to do. |
Anonymous
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Anonymous
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Age 40's Ethnicity Asian HHI 150k, SAHM What is your parenting style? I'm pretty hands off but expect my kids to try their best and work hard and get excellent grades. Do you plan/or did you pay for your children's college? Graduate School? We will pay for all. Private colleges and graduate schools. This is what our parents did for us and we can afford it. Would you encourage your children to live with you to save money after graduating college? Would you make them pay rent? No. We don't want them to live with us! We will give each the down payment for their own place. They will be responsible for the mortgage and any co-op/condo fees which can be substantial. We expect that they will live in NYC - Manhattan which is where we will live after DH retires. Will you pay for your son/ daughter's wedding? Yes, we will pay for half. Assuming your health holds up and you are located geographically close how involved would you like to be in your grandkid 's life? I hope to be alive to see my grand kids at least once a week. However, I don't plan to babysit regularly. |
Anonymous
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I'll go first...
Age 67 Ethnicity White HHI ~$200K retired What is your parenting style? Hands off. It's up to the kids to pave their own way. Do you plan/ or did you pay for your children's college? Graduate School? NA- I gave my daughters each about $3K. My parents paid for the rest of their college. Would you encourage your children to live with you to save money after graduating college? Would you make them pay rent? They both moved out shortly after graduation. I was looking forward to charging them rent though. Will you pay for your son/ daughter's wedding? No. I'm not the one getting married. Grandparents were generous though. I did offer to pay for both daughter's wedding dresses as long as I picked them out. One daughter accepted the other refused. Assuming your health holds up and you are located geographically close how involved would you like to be in your grandkid 's life? I would like to see them but definitely not babysit. |
Anonymous
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Age 30's
Ethnicity Black HHI 300s, WAHM What is your parenting style? Authoritative - we are ultimate protectors and authority for our children, and establish the rules and guidelines, but we don't abuse them, allow them to be self-serving, or not provide any and let the child run free without boundary. We examine ourselves to ensure we are providing the best tpe of parenting methods for the changing needs of the child. Believe in friendliness and a close bonded relationship, but built off of a lot of love, training, and respectful parenting that works both ways. We are friendly, but not the casual friend, we are the parent. This is done with lots of love, support and encouragement to become a confident, healthy, assertive and independent adult eventually. Our kids know we have an unconditional love, self-less interest, protection, covering and safe place that friends cannot provide. Do you plan/or did you pay for your children's college? Graduate School? Yes, as much as we can. Private School, College, and Graduate School, as long as it is the best environment for them, and as long as our child is thriving, we will do it. If they lose appreciation or slack off over time, we will draw back and place funds elsewhere until they are back on track. We also believe in having them work while going to school, however, as we come from a family of entrepreneurs. Would you encourage your children to live with you to save money after graduating college? Would you make them pay rent? Depends on circumstances. I don't see myself or my husband ever encouraging it, especially since we both left home so young, but I would have to think hard of a circumstance where we would not allow it. If we did allow it, we would ask for rent, but save it in a fund somewhere that would go back to them later (without telling them). Will you pay for your son/ daughter's wedding? Depends on the circumstances. Potentially. We would contribute in some way with a significant gift, if we weren;t asked to though. (Down payment on house, furniture, etc.) Assuming your health holds up and you are located geographically close how involved would you like to be in your grandkid 's life? Hopefully frequently (monthly, occasions, games, plays, etc.). But as involved as the parents will want me to be and as involved as I can afford to be. Again. Depends on the circumstances. |
Anonymous
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OP, thought I would add this in for general reference since you ask specifically about parenting styles.
The Four Parenting Styles http://psychology.about.com/od/developmentalpsychology/a/parenting-style.htm Authoritarian Parenting In this style of parenting, children are expected to follow the strict rules established by the parents. Failure to follow such rules usually results in punishment. Authoritarian parents fail to explain the reasoning behind these rules. If asked to explain, the parent might simply reply, "Because I said so." These parents have high demands, but are not responsive to their children. According to Baumrind, these parents "are obedience- and status-oriented, and expect their orders to be obeyed without explanation" (1991). Authoritative Parenting Like authoritarian parents, those with an authoritative parenting style establish rules and guidelines that their children are expected to follow. However, this parenting style is much more democratic. Authoritative parents are responsive to their children and willing to listen to questions. When children fail to meet the expectations, these parents are more nurturing and forgiving rather than punishing. Baumrind suggests that these parents "monitor and impart clear standards for their children’s conduct. They are assertive, but not intrusive and restrictive. Their disciplinary methods are supportive, rather than punitive. They want their children to be assertive as well as socially responsible, and self-regulated as well as cooperative" (1991). Permissive Parenting Permissive parents, sometimes referred to as indulgent parents, have very few demands to make of their children. These parents rarely discipline their children because they have relatively low expectations of maturity and self-control. According to Baumrind, permissive parents "are more responsive than they are demanding. They are nontraditional and lenient, do not require mature behavior, allow considerable self-regulation, and avoid confrontation" (1991). Permissive parents are generally nurturing and communicative with their children, often taking on the status of a friend more than that of a parent. Uninvolved Parenting An uninvolved parenting style is characterized by few demands, low responsiveness and little communication. While these parents fulfill the child's basic needs, they are generally detached from their child's life. In extreme cases, these parents may even reject or neglect the needs of their children. |
Anonymous
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Age 30s
Ethnicity White HHI 200k, significant net worth from inheritance What is your parenting style? Kids are very little but plan to be tough (academics, manners, etc important) but kind Do you plan/ or did you pay for your children's college? Graduate School? Plan to pay for all (via inheritance) Would you encourage your children to live with you to save money after graduating college? Would you make them pay rent? Yes , they could live with us. Depends on how frugal they are whether we would collect rent. If we collected "rent" we would return to them when they are older. (stealing this answer) Will you pay for your son/ daughter's wedding? Yes, if needed. Would be very careful of awkwardness with potential in-laws though (I have sons) Assuming your health holds up and you are located geographically close how involved would you like to be in your grandkid 's life? Hard to tell. Likely we'd choose to maintain our own lives (not live with them, not be primary caretaker) but see them often and spend a lot of time. |
Anonymous
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Great thread OP! DH graduated from an Ivy and MIL made him pay the difference. She charged him high interest, too! What an ungrateful witch. I like your response, there is no question I would do what I had to do if my child got into an Ivy! Common sense, anyone? PP, what is your inheritance amount? I am betting this same woman is going to give everything to the daughters. Should we charge them interest 
100k+/- 40 white Strict but reasonable. Not afraid to correct ours or anyone else's. |
Anonymous
| PP here. Difference between state school and Ivy, even though (clearly) she had/has the money. Yuck. |
Anonymous
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Age 40's Ethnicity White, married to an Arab. HHI mid 200's What is your parenting style? Authoritative. Not authoritarian. Alfie Kohn admirer. Do you plan/ or did you pay for your children's college? Graduate School? Can pay for public college easily. Would love to do more. Would you encourage your children to live with you to save money after graduating college? Would you make them pay rent? They are always welcome home. Will you pay for your son/ daughter's wedding? Never thought about that. Assuming your health holds up and you are located geographically close how involved would you like to be in your grandkid 's life? I would love to see and care for grand kids. Not sure if I'll be up for being primary. But I will always help out. |
Anonymous
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Age 30
Ethnicity Me: White/DH:biracial HHI about 100K. What is your parenting style? Authoritative. I'm a big fan of Alfie Kohn, with a good dose of free-range and Montessori tossed in. When kids are under 3, we're pretty strongly attachment parenting (bedsharing, baby-wearing, etc). As far as academics go, my oldest is K age, but we're in a Montessori school and plan to stay through the end of elementary. Everyone plays at least one rec sport, learns to play the piano and one other instrument and takes a 2nd language. Those things are not negotiable and we've already started. I'm big on exposure and exploring, I want my kids to enjoy learning for the sake of learning, not just as a means to an end. I expect my kids to be well-rounded, self-sufficient and articulate, but not necessarily the best at what they do. Grace and courtesy is huge at home, I expect polite and kind behavior, I'd rather have a kid with great character than an academic/athletic superstar (and that's what we focus on). Do you plan/ or did you pay for your children's college? Graduate School? We are setting aside money, but realistically, won't be able to cover all of it. We both worked, took out loans and got scholarships to supplement what our parents could give us, we expect the same for our kids. I went to community college my first year and worked FT through undergrad, DH worked PT and went Ivy. Whatever we set aside, it will be the same amount for each kid, DH's parents paid full-freight for one kid and not another, it caused a lot of issues and resentment. We WILL counsel them heavily about loans though, we'll be paying ours off until we're 100 and want our kids to have a better understanding of debt than we did. Would you encourage your children to live with you to save money after graduating college? Would you make them pay rent? They will always be welcome. Both DH and I have lived with our parents at some point as adults, we'll approach it the way our parents did: We paid nominal rent, helped out with household chores and maintenance, acted like and were treated like adults (no curfew, but we were respectful and didn't disturb others in the house) and there was a set timeline/plan for moving out. Will you pay for your son/ daughter's wedding? We'll gift them a set amount of money that can be used as they wish. Assuming your health holds up and you are located geographically close how involved would you like to be in your grandkid's life? Hopefully imitating our parents again! My parents are close and we see them once a week for family dinners, they babysit overnight once a month, during the day once a month and take the kids (once they hit 4) for 2 weeks in the summer. DH's mom lives on the other coast, but skypes on a regular basis and visits 2x/year, plus sends cards at least once a month. Both sets of parents help with travel and vacations (they pay for lodging and most incidentals, we pay for our transportation and some incidentals). |
Anonymous
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I'll go first...
Age late 30's Ethnicity White HHI mid 200's What is your parenting style? Authoritative, generally want my kids to do the best they can. But we try to avoid setting unrealistic expectations Do you plan/ or did you pay for your children's college? Graduate School? Will pay for public or will pay for private if they get into a first-tier school. We do not want out children to go to school while working several jobs and taking out lians, as we both did. However, will try to impress upon them that they have to come out of college either prepared for a good grad school or having a profession. With grad school, we'll consider it when the time comes. Would you encourage your children to live with you to save money after graduating college? Would you make them pay rent? Yes. But it would not be a free ride - we would expect them to contribute, financially or in other ways, Will you pay for your son/ daughter's wedding? Depending on what they want, we will contribute. Again, we want our children to have more than what we had (a justice of the peace and a cheap restaurant dinner). But I hope we raise them well enough that they know that a big fancy wedding does not necessarily guarantee happiness. Assuming your health holds up and you are located geographically close how involved would you like to be in your grandkid's life? Am happy to cover some evenings, weekends or vacations, but would not want to be the primary caretaker. |
Anonymous
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Age late 30s
Ethnicity Black/Hispanic HHI 65K - single parent What is your parenting style? Attachment parenting. Permissive within limits, ie who CARES if DC wanders a few tables over in a casual restaurant? Breastfed forever, lots of cuddles and talking about our feelings - my feelings as well as DC's feelings. I am very focused on spending quality time together, as I didn't get that much as a kid. I spent hours and hours in front of the TV, alone. Troubling tendency to yell left over from FOO. Do you plan/ or did you pay for your children's college? I don't know if I will be able to afford it. Certainly I will contribute. Would you encourage your children to live with you to save money after graduating college? Would you make them pay rent? Yes, that would be fine. DC would need to contribute financially in some way though. Will you pay for your son/ daughter's wedding? Same as college question. Sure, if I am able. Assuming your health holds up and you are located geographically close how involved would you like to be in your grandkid 's life? I would love to be a part of my grandchildren's lives. But I had DC at 35, so I could be pretty old by the time they come around. |