Excluded one in the family

[Anonymous]

I am single and have no kids. My siblings are married with kids. I frequently find that I am excluded from family vacations and get togethers. If I am included, it is after all plans have been made and I am invited but not allowed to partake in planning (for example, expensive vacation I can't afford over thanksgiving). They are all very successful in their careers and though I worked hard in school and grad school, right now I am unemployed. So basically I am the loser in the family. I also have health issues they tend to be mean or unsympathetic about.

For ex, they are getting together at one of my sibling's city for Easter and I am not invited. One sibling can't go but my aunt and uncle and parents are going.

It just makes me sad. It makes me feel like I don't have a family and makes me feel very alone.

[Anonymous]

That stinks. Sounds like you are better off without that. Find some fun things to do without them over Easter -- you deserve it.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes the bio family isn't much family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am single and have no kids. My siblings are married with kids. I frequently find that I am excluded from family vacations and get togethers. If I am included, it is after all plans have been made and I am invited but not allowed to partake in planning (for example, expensive vacation I can't afford over thanksgiving). They are all very successful in their careers and though I worked hard in school and grad school, right now I am unemployed. So basically I am the loser in the family. I also have health issues they tend to be mean or unsympathetic about.

For ex, they are getting together at one of my sibling's city for Easter and I am not invited. One sibling can't go but my aunt and uncle and parents are going.

It just makes me sad. It makes me feel like I don't have a family and makes me feel very alone.

Your parents are okay with this??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am single and have no kids. My siblings are married with kids. I frequently find that I am excluded from family vacations and get togethers. If I am included, it is after all plans have been made and I am invited but not allowed to partake in planning (for example, expensive vacation I can't afford over thanksgiving). They are all very successful in their careers and though I worked hard in school and grad school, right now I am unemployed. So basically I am the loser in the family. I also have health issues they tend to be mean or unsympathetic about.

For ex, they are getting together at one of my sibling's city for Easter and I am not invited. One sibling can't go but my aunt and uncle and parents are going.

It just makes me sad. It makes me feel like I don't have a family and makes me feel very alone.

Your parents are okay with this??

I guess. They haven't invited me or persuaded my sister to invite me.

[Anonymous]

Maybe they think you don't want to go? Or they think you can't afford to go and don't want to make you feel bad?

[Anonymous]

I think you might be reading all signs wrong. They might think you aren't interested because you are young and single.

Call your sibling and ask if you can stop by for Easter if they have room and bring something. Then start asking about plans from time to time and calling to check in more.

If your sib says no then you have a case. Or you have a long family history of favoritism during your childhood... Until then I'm not convinced.

[Anonymous]

I don't think OP needs to convince anyone. She's sharing some sadness. Sometimes family just isn't what you thought it should be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am single and have no kids. My siblings are married with kids. I frequently find that I am excluded from family vacations and get togethers. If I am included, it is after all plans have been made and I am invited but not allowed to partake in planning (for example, expensive vacation I can't afford over thanksgiving). They are all very successful in their careers and though I worked hard in school and grad school, right now I am unemployed. So basically I am the loser in the family. I also have health issues they tend to be mean or unsympathetic about.

For ex, they are getting together at one of my sibling's city for Easter and I am not invited. One sibling can't go but my aunt and uncle and parents are going.

It just makes me sad. It makes me feel like I don't have a family and makes me feel very alone.

Wow, they suck!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am single and have no kids. My siblings are married with kids. I frequently find that I am excluded from family vacations and get togethers. If I am included, it is after all plans have been made and I am invited but not allowed to partake in planning (for example, expensive vacation I can't afford over thanksgiving). They are all very successful in their careers and though I worked hard in school and grad school, right now I am unemployed. So basically I am the loser in the family. I also have health issues they tend to be mean or unsympathetic about.

For ex, they are getting together at one of my sibling's city for Easter and I am not invited. One sibling can't go but my aunt and uncle and parents are going.

It just makes me sad. It makes me feel like I don't have a family and makes me feel very alone.

OP, those things are not fixed. I was a loser at some point, now I am a winner of sorts, certainly no less so than others. I know what it's like to feel like a black sheep, despite being a decent person and above average in most things. The key to satisfaction, in my case, is to focus on things I can control. Trivial, I know, but easy to forget.

[Anonymous]

Why would anyone want to go on a family vacation with extended family? When I was young, we did this, but as an adult with a family, we don't go with our extended family. Our Family vacations are to focus on our core family, DH, DW and 2 DD. No one else is invited so no drama.

You are young and single. They probably feel you'd rather be out with your friends than a "boring" family vacation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you might be reading all signs wrong. They might think you aren't interested because you are young and single.

Call your sibling and ask if you can stop by for Easter if they have room and bring something. Then start asking about plans from time to time and calling to check in more.

If your sib says no then you have a case. Or you have a long family history of favoritism during your childhood... Until then I'm not convinced.

We did this to my sister. We planned family vacations secretly so we could go without her (she was the first to leave the house) but she found out and cried and caused a scene, so she came along. Fast forward several years and now I am the pariah to my family and my sister in not. There really are some seriously unhealthy people out there. OP is better off without them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you might be reading all signs wrong. They might think you aren't interested because you are young and single.

Call your sibling and ask if you can stop by for Easter if they have room and bring something. Then start asking about plans from time to time and calling to check in more.

If your sib says no then you have a case. Or you have a long family history of favoritism during your childhood... Until then I'm not convinced.

We did this to my sister. We planned family vacations secretly so we could go without her (she was the first to leave the house) but she found out and cried and caused a scene, so she came along. Fast forward several years and now I am the pariah to my family and my sister in not. There really are some seriously unhealthy people out there. OP is better off without them.

Sometimes what goes around comes around.

[Anonymous]

I'd tell them that you feel excluded. They might not realize it. At least tell your parents. No parent would want their child to feel this way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd tell them that you feel excluded. They might not realize it. At least tell your parents. No parent would want their child to feel this way.

Thanks. I have told them. Not about this specific incident, but about other times.