Father passes away and leaves $ to grandkids...sibs are not following wishes....

[Anonymous]

My mom died 20 years ago and my dad just recently passed away. He was a hard working man who accumulated a modest wealth through years of blood, sweat, and tears. He lived in a 1200 sq ft house (where he raised 4 kids), drove a 14 years old volvo and really instilled the value of a dollar in all of us. I am the only girl and have 3 older brothers. We were assuming the estate would be split 4 ways but its actually split in a completely different manner. One half of his estate goes to a very specific organization that had a very important role in my parents lives (about 900k) and the rest is divided 6 ways evenly to each grandchild (about 150k each grandchild) for college/job training/graduate school. Even though his will specifically says its for the grandkids 2 of my siblings took that money and spent it. One used it as a house downpayment and one used it to fund a new business get up. They both claim they will just replace the money when its time for kids to go to college. I am hurt and upset and feel like they are ignoring dads plan. DH is admit I keep quite and never bring it up and I know he is right but I can't get it off my mind! One of my siblings is especially bitter he didn't get a bigger share of the pie (only has one child) and wonders if the organization pressured him to give them money which is definitely NOT the case and I worry about him running his mouth and tainting the reputation of this organization. Has anyone experienced a completely different side of their siblings after the last parent dies? Im just really hurt and confused because I would of never guessed this behavior from them! Vent over, any advice greatly appreciated!

PS: I should state we are all done having children and have been for years and my Dad knew this so its not like possible future unborn grandchildren were left nothing.

[Anonymous]

Myob.

[Anonymous]

You need to keep your mouth shut. The sins they committed are their sins. Not yours.

There's nothing you can do now anyway. You can't tell on them to your parents. You can't get them to give the money to the grandkids since they already spent it. What do you want? An admission and apology?

You can't control other people's actions. You can control yours.

[Anonymous]

You all are being awfully harsh. What her siblings did is absolutely terrible. Disgusting really, and I think OP has every right to be fuming over this. I'm so sorry you are dealing with this, OP.

[Anonymous]

You can't change how they handled the money and if you continue to harbor resentment against your siblings and judge their choices that is only going to tear the family apart, which is the last thing your father would have wanted.

Besides if they end up paying for their children's entire college, then they most likely will have made it up to them. Leaving college debt free is a gift.

[Anonymous]

What they did is felony theft. It's criminal.

OP, if the estate is still open, I would talk to the probate judge about it. He can order the parents to place the money due the children into secure accounts.

If the money is gone, I would pull your nieces and nephews aside when they reach their 17th or 18th birthday, advise them that their parents stole their inheritance, and advise them to see an attorney. The parents can pay for college or pay the kids back. The statute of limitations for suing the parents for the return of the money will start running when the kids turn 18, though. They will only have a short time after their 18th birthday to decide what to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What they did is felony theft. It's criminal.

OP, if the estate is still open, I would talk to the probate judge about it. He can order the parents to place the money due the children into secure accounts.

If the money is gone, I would pull your nieces and nephews aside when they reach their 17th or 18th birthday, advise them that their parents stole their inheritance, and advise them to see an attorney. The parents can pay for college or pay the kids back. The statute of limitations for suing the parents for the return of the money will start running when the kids turn 18, though. They will only have a short time after their 18th birthday to decide what to do.

+1000 on all of the above, but wanted to highlight the criminal aspect.

Your brothers are HORRIBLE people. This, to me, is unforgivable. Truly, the type of action that would make me turn my back on them forever.

[Anonymous]

op,

i am sorry to hear about your situation. unfortunately money has a way of making people do terrible things. i shudder to think that each of these siblings used more than $150k each since you said that ea. grandchild was left about $150k. I seriously doubt that both of your brothers will be able to replace the money for each of the kids.i'm sorry that your father didn't put the money in an irrevocable trust that could only be accessed by the grandkids themselves when they were of appropriate age. I don't know if this is any consolation but sometimes when kids are left an inheritance they also spend it on stupid things. Not all 18 yr olds would be able to handle that large an amount either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What they did is felony theft. It's criminal.

OP, if the estate is still open, I would talk to the probate judge about it. He can order the parents to place the money due the children into secure accounts.

If the money is gone, I would pull your nieces and nephews aside when they reach their 17th or 18th birthday, advise them that their parents stole their inheritance, and advise them to see an attorney. The parents can pay for college or pay the kids back. The statute of limitations for suing the parents for the return of the money will start running when the kids turn 18, though. They will only have a short time after their 18th birthday to decide what to do.

OP can also contact the executor of the estate and see if that person can do anything now.
The grandfather screwed up. He should have created a trust for the grandkids. Although, the parents (depending on how its worded) might have had access to the money anyway. What rotten (greedy) parents. Bad Karma. Very bad Karma.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:op,

i am sorry to hear about your situation. unfortunately money has a way of making people do terrible things. i shudder to think that each of these siblings used more than $150k each since you said that ea. grandchild was left about $150k. I seriously doubt that both of your brothers will be able to replace the money for each of the kids.i'm sorry that your father didn't put the money in an irrevocable trust that could only be accessed by the grandkids themselves when they were of appropriate age. I don't know if this is any consolation but sometimes when kids are left an inheritance they also spend it on stupid things. Not all 18 yr olds would be able to handle that large an amount either.

You can make it available to the kids at age 25. That's what we did for our kids. In the event that we die, the insurance money will be put into a trust for them. Their guardian is allowed to access the money for their college needs (should it come to that).

[Anonymous]

Contact a lawyer and see how you can get your kids' money back now. Your two brothers will not give the kids back the money when it is time for college. How will they cough up that much money?

[Anonymous]

And this, my friends, is why no matter what happens with your kids, you should split the $ equally among them. I cannot tell you the amount of strife in my family, and in others, due to parents leaving differing sums of money to each heir. It NEVER ends well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What they did is felony theft. It's criminal.

OP, if the estate is still open, I would talk to the probate judge about it. He can order the parents to place the money due the children into secure accounts.

If the money is gone, I would pull your nieces and nephews aside when they reach their 17th or 18th birthday, advise them that their parents stole their inheritance, and advise them to see an attorney. The parents can pay for college or pay the kids back. The statute of limitations for suing the parents for the return of the money will start running when the kids turn 18, though. They will only have a short time after their 18th birthday to decide what to do.

+1000 on all of the above, but wanted to highlight the criminal aspect.

Your brothers are HORRIBLE people. This, to me, is unforgivable. Truly, the type of action that would make me turn my back on them forever.

You both are nuts.

Op stated the will left the money to the grandkids. If the grandkids are minor children, the money goes to their parent/legal guardian unless the will had specified some other method - held in trust, etc .

Presumably the child whose parents purchased the house will live in the house and perhaps a nicer house than they would have if they had not received the inheritance and reap the benefit of possibly their parents have more disposable income to spend on the child since they have reduced their housing costs. The child whose family started a business will be provided for by the income that business generates.

OP being upset by how her siblings choose to spend this inheritance is as silly as her brother being upset how this dad choose to donate his own money.

[Anonymous]

Well, what if they really DO replace the money?

I'm assuming your brothers are not terrible people and actually love their children. Parents take care of their kids in different ways. What they did was not strictly ethical, I agree with you. It will probably turn out fine in the end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, what if they really DO replace the money?

I'm assuming your brothers are not terrible people and actually love their children. Parents take care of their kids in different ways. What they did was not strictly ethical, I agree with you. It will probably turn out fine in the end.

Oh, sure. It always turns out fine in the end.