How long did it take to know you met "the one" and how do I know it's not a post divorce rebound?
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Anonymous
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Met him a month ago we spent several weekends together, taken days off during the week to hang out...I am totally in love and am pretty sure it's mutual. Are there " rebound" red flags I should watch out for? Both of us are divorced as of about 2 yrs.
I'm happier than I've been in years, but also don't want to get crushed. Thanks for any advice from those who have BTDT! |
Anonymous
| You met this guy a month ago and you're already taking days off during the week to hang out? Talk about a red flag. |
Anonymous
| It's been a month. You have no idea about anything right now. Slow down, especially if you have kids. Slow way down. |
Anonymous
Why is it not okay to take a mental health day and spend it with someone you're excited about? OP, it's early in the relationship still. I knew I'd met "the one" pretty quickly, but that didn't change the trajectory of our relationship. We still got to know each other, gradually introduced each other to the other people in our lives (my daughter and parents and siblings, his parents and close friends as he has no kids or siblings), traveled together, etc. We moved in together when we got engaged and got married a month later. That was 2 years after our first date. Enjoy the time you're having now. Continue to build a relationship. If complications happen (and they will), figure out how to deal with those things. Talk about your life priorities, what you want out of the rest of your life. Build a solid relationship, and take it from there. You don't need to run off to the courthouse tomorrow, but it's okay to think about maybe running off to the courthouse at some point in the future. |
Anonymous
| What are the divorce stats for second marriages? |
Anonymous
I get that, but after one month is still early. I like to save my sick/vacation days for when I really need them. |
Anonymous
Maybe the OP wouldn't approve of the way you use your vacation days either. I took a day off work one time to go to the Smithsonians by myself in the middle of the week. I've also taken a day off in the middle of the week to visit with an out of town friend I see very rarely. People in my office have taken a full or partial day off to do the following: sports event, child-related activity, elective medical procedure, pet medical appointment, packing/unpacking. That's what I can think of off the top of my head, from the last year. I agree that the OP should wait until the relationship is more serious before doing anything serious. I don't think that taking a random day off work to do something special with someone, ANYONE, is that serious. |
Anonymous
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Enjoy it! Two years is enough time to wait before jumping into something serious. You never know how this will turn out, but that's always the case with love and dating.
Don't make any long-term decisions. Wait at least a year before making any major moves. But just let your guard down and enjoy being in love again. If it doesn't work out, you will move on. I think it's great that you are putting yourself out there and letting your heart be open again. It's not easy. Ignore all the haters! |
Anonymous
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One month is way too early to tell.
My exH is a control freak and physically abusive. He came on strong, like you describe, and eventually began picking away at things (Could you act more like a lady? Could you play harder to get? Could you wear more dresses?) anyway it was the beginning of something bad but my judgement was too clouded to see it. Step back, why are you falling so early? What red flags are you missing? |
Anonymous
Second marriages are the triumph over hope over experience - Dr. Samuel Johnson. Seriously, it takes AT LEAST a year to truly know someone enough. Right now it's brain chemistry honey. |
Anonymous
"triumph of hope over experience" |
Anonymous
I would say that being in love after 1 month is a red flag in itself. Just try to slow down, enjoy your time together with your eyes wide open, realizing that you still barely know each other. Don't make any big decisions for at least a year. Just keep having fun for now! |
Anonymous
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The feelings you get in the beginning of a new relationship can be addictive. Some people are always looking for that feeling (which is why they are always moving on to the next person.) Others let that feeling grow into something that is different yet more powerful. That is love.
When I first saw DH, my gut reaction was to get away from him. (He never saw me or did anything to evoke that reaction. I simply saw him in the building where we worked and that was my reaction.) It wasn't until years later that we became friends then dated. For us, things happened quickly once we began dating. Neither of us was previously married. He had been in an awful relationship and that ended about 2 years before we became friends. Sometimes you just know. I don't see any reason for you to rush into anything. You both came out of divorces, so you both need to think about why you were divorced. Have you grown since the divorce? What are both of you going to do differently so that (should it get to the point where you are married) it doesn't happen again? |
Anonymous
| It's OK to be in lust after a month, but in love? Not so fast. |
Anonymous
All it takes is a few shots of semen and some orgasms and you think it's love. No it's not love, but thinking that it's love is why a lot of people get divorced, probably yourself included. |