How long did it take to know you met "the one" and how do I know it's not a post divorce rebound?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Met him a month ago we spent several weekends together, taken days off during the week to hang out...I am totally in love and am pretty sure it's mutual. Are there " rebound" red flags I should watch out for? Both of us are divorced as of about 2 yrs.

I'm happier than I've been in years, but also don't want to get crushed.

Thanks for any advice from those who have BTDT!

All it takes is a few shots of semen and some orgasms and you think it's love.

No it's not love, but thinking that it's love is why a lot of people get divorced, probably yourself included.

Bitter. Projecting angry feelings onto strangers on the internet at almost 3am.

Says a lot more about you than OP.

[Anonymous]

A month is too early...

But I think it's sweet that you two have taken days off to spend together - that's promising! Right now you are both in the "honeymoon" stage. At this point, things might last but they can also end rather quickly, abruptly - hard to say, no way of knowing. I think you should have fun and enjoy feeling like this. If worse comes to worse and you two do split up at least you'll have some great memories

[Anonymous]

As someone dating (and in a serious relationship) post-divorce, I can tell you that the amount of time off after your divorce isn't nearly as important as actually spending time in a relationship. You can't know how your marriage effected you and changed you until you're dealing with intimacy (emotional mostly, not physical) that happens when you're in a serious relationship. And until that happens, you can't know if you're ready to get remarried or if someone is right for you.

So, yeah, you're nowhere close to being there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is it not okay to take a mental health day and spend it with someone you're excited about?

I get that, but after one month is still early. I like to save my sick/vacation days for when I really need them.

I've used a sick/vacation day-taken the kids to school and then went back home, crawled back into bed and watched TV and ate in bed all day (and masturbated a few times). Did not take a shower until 4:30 when I had to leave to get the kids from aftercare.

I'm sure you do not approve. However, I can assure you, it was lovely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Met him a month ago we spent several weekends together, taken days off during the week to hang out...I am totally in love and am pretty sure it's mutual. Are there " rebound" red flags I should watch out for? Both of us are divorced as of about 2 yrs.

I'm happier than I've been in years, but also don't want to get crushed.

Thanks for any advice from those who have BTDT!

All it takes is a few shots of semen and some orgasms and you think it's love.

No it's not love, but thinking that it's love is why a lot of people get divorced, probably yourself included.

Bitter. Projecting angry feelings onto strangers on the internet at almost 3am.

Says a lot more about you than OP.

LOL, so true!

[Anonymous]

Did you spend the weekdays together in lioux of the weekend? That would concern me. Also if you have to ask this question that is a red flag right there

[Anonymous]

OP - How old are you two?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did you spend the weekdays together in lioux of the weekend? That would concern me. Also if you have to ask this question that is a red flag right there

When I got divorced, with a small child and an active coparent, I would absolutely have taken a day off work in the middle of the week to spend with my boyfriend in the early stages. My daughter is with me for half the weekend. Taking a weekend away with a boyfriend wouldn't have been an option unless we brought DD. I think that we can all agree that bringing a 2 year old on a romantic weekend date would be inappropriate on a number of levels. So yes, I took Thursday/Friday off and was back in time to pick her up Saturday morning.

We're married now.

[Anonymous]

You aren't in love. You're high on Oxytocin.
Give it 2 or 3 more months. It won't be as exciting and you'll be out of vacation days.

[Anonymous]

Well I have never been divorced but I knew my husband was the one within 2 weeks...and he must have thought the same too because he proposed after knowing me for 2 weeks. We were married 5 months after we met and have been together for over 11 years now. That is probably not typical though...

[Anonymous]

I met him at around noon and seriously knew that he was the one by that evening. I was in my twenties. But, we re still together 20 years later.

[Anonymous]

I don't think that just because you are taking days off during the week to be together is a red flag in itself. When you meet someone you really + truly are in love with, you want to be together ALL the time and there is nothing the matter with that in my book.

However, you need to proceed w/caution here because you need to protect your heart here. I don't know how much time has passed since it has been broken, so I am not sure if it has completely healed or not. Are you even sure? If it has not 100% healed and it gets broken again, then it will take much much longer for it to heal.

Common sense dictates that you should take this relationship one day at a time.
Enjoy the time you spend w/this person, but also keep an open mind.

Do not let yourself get too swept up w/him.
Make sure you still continue doing all the things that you did before you met him that brought you joy.
Continue spending time w/your good friends. Do not stop enjoying favorite hobbies/pastimes.

Do not make this person your whole existence.

Good Luck.

I hope things work out for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are the divorce stats for second marriages?

Second marriages are the triumph over hope over experience - Dr. Samuel Johnson.

Seriously, it takes AT LEAST a year to truly know someone enough. Right now it's brain chemistry honey.

NP here: one site says 50% for first, 67% for second and 73% for third marriages: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-intelligent-divorce/201202/the-high-failure-rate-second-and-third-marriages

[Anonymous]

We met, moved in together after a month, and waited 6 years to get married whilst all our friends' marriages ended in divorce. That was 20 years ago this fall.

You never know.