Growing share of childless adults in U.S. don’t expect to ever have children

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pets have become the new children and fill a gap for many people. I've seen more prescription drug advertisements for pets then ever this year. Clearly people are caring for them and willing to spend money on them like they are children. But unlike children you don't have to worry about daycare or college tuition.

Or heirs or anyone being at your bedside while you die of cancer or old age. Dream big.

This may surprise some people but I want to enjoy my life however long that should be. I want to enjoy those preceding decades to death in my own way. That for me is dreaming big. At my bedside in old age when I am dying I am going to assume I will be so out of it with drugs that I won't know where I am. Hopefully some friends will still be around at that age but really I care more that I have a good hospice nurse who will keep the pain away and keep me comfortable. I am probably likely to be suffering from dementia of some sort if I make it to late 90's.

All of my grandparents died alone. Yes some family visited in the weeks leading up to 2 of them, SOME family, certainly not all children visited and the other two died quickly and suddenly. No bedside vigils for them.

I certainly don't want to dictate my whole life due to some belief that I control my death, its funny to me that we all see ourselves in a bed, pain free, aware and conscious and enjoying those around us. I haven't seen that a lot, not in my family and not in my friends family.

If you need to have kids to help fight your fear of death, go for it. As for heirs, I could not care less. Besides my atoms will go back into the ground and that's what brings me comfort, that I will go back into nature.

I would rather have lots of memories of great friendships and relationships throughout my life and as I leave the world look forward to joining them. I do not want my in-laws life of having two children and four grandchildren and leaving this world where one son and all four grandchildren don't even speak to them and are estranged. People throw out these death bed ideals which sound lovely but life doesn't always end up that way. I look at people with kids and don't want their life. I am happy so far with the life I have chosen. I will hopefully leave this world grateful for the life I chose.

So whilst people throw out the old tired lines of growing old alone and dying alone, it isn't such a threat or a negative. Just be happy with your own choices because on your death bed that is the one certainty, that you will have to live with the choices YOU made. No one else's choices will matter.

+1000 Yes, maam! Completely agree.

I agree the whole deathbed thing is crazy, but sometimes you need family to step in. It has been a living hell being there for my parents and inlaws, especially when Alzheimers and constant emergencies are thrown in. No way in hell i could do this for a single aunt or uncle. Sometimes the single aunt or uncle lures the nieces and nephews with promises of inheritance to the point they dump their own parents whish is sad and cruel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I agree the whole deathbed thing is crazy, but sometimes you need family to step in. It has been a living hell being there for my parents and inlaws, especially when Alzheimers and constant emergencies are thrown in. No way in hell i could do this for a single aunt or uncle. Sometimes the single aunt or uncle lures the nieces and nephews with promises of inheritance to the point they dump their own parents whish is sad and cruel.

Do you know my childless sister and her husband? Not that my kids have dumped me, but she has money (we both inherited from our parents) and she sure has been bribing my kids with fancy presents. She hasn’t helped with college, of course—instead she showers them with showy stuff like expensive jewelry and electronics. And then there’s the inheritance, although they couldn’t dump me (not that they’ve want to) because I have the same inheritance from our parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I really hope my children will want to have children.

I don't care if my son's get married and have children but I do not want my daughter to have to go through pregnancy. If I were to get married today, I would not have children. I only had them because my husband wanted them and I love him. He kept his promise to be their primary care giver but I hated being pregnant and consider fetuses and small children parasites. Now they are much older, two out of college and on their own, they are interesting and we have great times together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really hope my children will want to have children.

I don't care if my son's get married and have children but I do not want my daughter to have to go through pregnancy. If I were to get married today, I would not have children. I only had them because my husband wanted them and I love him. He kept his promise to be their primary care giver but I hated being pregnant and consider fetuses and small children parasites. Now they are much older, two out of college and on their own, they are interesting and we have great times together.

You sound like quite a lovely mother!

[Anonymous]

I would rather people who don’t want all the responsibilities of having children not have them than whine and complain about how it’s not rainbows and unicorns.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I agree the whole deathbed thing is crazy, but sometimes you need family to step in. It has been a living hell being there for my parents and inlaws, especially when Alzheimers and constant emergencies are thrown in. No way in hell i could do this for a single aunt or uncle. Sometimes the single aunt or uncle lures the nieces and nephews with promises of inheritance to the point they dump their own parents whish is sad and cruel.

Do you know my childless sister and her husband? Not that my kids have dumped me, but she has money (we both inherited from our parents) and she sure has been bribing my kids with fancy presents. She hasn’t helped with college, of course—instead she showers them with showy stuff like expensive jewelry and electronics. And then there’s the inheritance, although they couldn’t dump me (not that they’ve want to) because I have the same inheritance from our parents.

Sorry but what a sad post! You think your kids aren't dumping you because you'll leave them money when you die?!

As one of the childless by choice folks here - yeah, end of life stuff scares the cr*p out of me. It is certainly possible my last days will be worse than for someone who has devoted kids who are tending to them. To me that's not enough of a reason to have kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dana is childless, is she not?

Spinster refers to an unmarried woman, not a childless woman.

The Oxford American English Dictionary defines spinster as "an unmarried woman, typically an older woman beyond the usual age for marriage". It adds: "In modern everyday English, however, spinster cannot be used to mean simply 'unmarried woman'; as such, it is a derogatory term, referring or alluding to a stereotype of an older woman who is unmarried, childless, prissy, and repressed."

I no longer can say spinster or uppidity

[Anonymous]

Childless Adult is an oxymoron

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Childless Adult is an oxymoron

you're the moron

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really hope my children will want to have children.

I don't care if my son's get married and have children but I do not want my daughter to have to go through pregnancy. If I were to get married today, I would not have children. I only had them because my husband wanted them and I love him. He kept his promise to be their primary care giver but I hated being pregnant and consider fetuses and small children parasites. Now they are much older, two out of college and on their own, they are interesting and we have great times together.

Why would you be ok with another woman suffering to bear children for your son if you say it would suck for your daughter?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Spinsters treating animals like children honestly makes me really sad.

So how do you feel about me? I have young twins and while they're very lucky to have been born into a UMC household, I give them intentional hardships to overcome. They need it, I want my kids to have grit. My dog is my baby and many days she makes me WAY happier than my kids do. How sad?

Some children turn out troubled and often times, they shouldn’t have been born. Better to better the lives of those who already exist and show potential.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who is going to buy all this real estate that is the main investment for most families? Declining population is not helpful to a healthy real estate market.

Wow, so you see everything through a monetary lens?

Talk about transactional....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I agree the whole deathbed thing is crazy, but sometimes you need family to step in. It has been a living hell being there for my parents and inlaws, especially when Alzheimers and constant emergencies are thrown in. No way in hell i could do this for a single aunt or uncle. Sometimes the single aunt or uncle lures the nieces and nephews with promises of inheritance to the point they dump their own parents whish is sad and cruel.

Do you know my childless sister and her husband? Not that my kids have dumped me, but she has money (we both inherited from our parents) and she sure has been bribing my kids with fancy presents. She hasn’t helped with college, of course—instead she showers them with showy stuff like expensive jewelry and electronics. And then there’s the inheritance, although they couldn’t dump me (not that they’ve want to) because I have the same inheritance from our parents.

Sorry but what a sad post! You think your kids aren't dumping you because you'll leave them money when you die?!

As one of the childless by choice folks here - yeah, end of life stuff scares the cr*p out of me. It is certainly possible my last days will be worse than for someone who has devoted kids who are tending to them. To me that's not enough of a reason to have kids.

As another who doesn't have kids I have also thought that when we are older we won't have kids to tend to the problems that others have such as medical appointments, bills etc. However we are planning for this by saving a lot for our retirement, we are building a property portfolio which we will sell off before we get too old to be able to handle it. I have watched elderly people in medical centres making their own appointments with the staff so I am hoping I will be able to be as with it as they are in my older years and if I can't then I plan to be in an assisted living facility. Lets face it if you can't handle medication on your own then you shouldn't be living by yourself. I am hoping that by the time we are elderly there will be self drive cars and we have grown up with computers so its not like that will be new. I have been cash less for years so even this is not new and I plan to keep up with technology throughout my life.

I watched my parents get into a fight with my grand father about spending their inheritance. They visited my grandparents once a week and that was it. No one took care of their finances. I guess if you don't have children you tend to plan earlier than those who do. My inlaws have been useless since they were in their 50's, they just relied on my husband so much for everything their minds went to mush. We have since moved away because of work and now they are having to get people in to mow their lawn and now they have to handle their medical appointments, yeah they can do it. Everything is getting done. We are not there to visit them weekly. They are coping. I just wish they left the house more and did some activities or see friends, they are mid 70's and can still get around. Friendship and hobbies are important later in life and have been shown to be extremely important for the elderly.

I am hoping our early retirement will be spent half abroad and half at home where we will see friends/family etc. I am hoping to have semi good health for a while into retirement. We have set ourselves up with a home which should be easy to get around in our elder years and will move into an assisted living facility once things get too hard. I am assuming once I get over 80 then that's when things will slow down. Meh who knows what each of of our elder years will be like but again I don't want to raise children so someday when I need help setting up my new internet I will have free labour. Its the years before then I am more interested in, I have plans I hope to achieve and then I hope to grow old with fond memories. I can see myself sitting in an assisted living facility simply enjoying watching TV and going for some walks in the garden and connecting with a few friends/family. Maybe even setting up a herb garden for myself somewhere. If that is my old age I will be happy. Doubt I'll have much energy to do more than that if I make it to late 80's although some of those places have pools with aqua aerobics so who knows maybe me and few other old gals may enjoy splashing around in the pool with a noodle. Yep that's me in old age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 2 older siblings are childless. 38 and 44. The holidays they spend watching Netflix and surfing Reddit. I am sad for them.

I feel the same way honestly. It’s a shallow way to live. I mean I don’t think people should be parents if they don’t want to be, and I’m certainly sympathetic about those who had problems getting pregnant or don’t have a partner and can’t go it alone. It’s not in the cards for everyone. But these people spend all day on frivolous pursuits. They haven’t grown up. They dote on their cats/dogs as though they are people. I don’t think it’s a healthy way for everyone to live.

Life is as meaningless or meaningful as you want to make it- it’s purely arbitrary. Kids or no kids, there’s no rational reason why a bunch of molecules arranged in a specific way have more intrinsic value than a bunch of molecules arranged in a different way. Reddit or dear John, it’s all carbon, and hydrogen and a few other elements.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I agree the whole deathbed thing is crazy, but sometimes you need family to step in. It has been a living hell being there for my parents and inlaws, especially when Alzheimers and constant emergencies are thrown in. No way in hell i could do this for a single aunt or uncle. Sometimes the single aunt or uncle lures the nieces and nephews with promises of inheritance to the point they dump their own parents whish is sad and cruel.

Do you know my childless sister and her husband? Not that my kids have dumped me, but she has money (we both inherited from our parents) and she sure has been bribing my kids with fancy presents. She hasn’t helped with college, of course—instead she showers them with showy stuff like expensive jewelry and electronics. And then there’s the inheritance, although they couldn’t dump me (not that they’ve want to) because I have the same inheritance from our parents.

Sorry but what a sad post! You think your kids aren't dumping you because you'll leave them money when you die?!

As one of the childless by choice folks here - yeah, end of life stuff scares the cr*p out of me. It is certainly possible my last days will be worse than for someone who has devoted kids who are tending to them. To me that's not enough of a reason to have kids.

As another who doesn't have kids I have also thought that when we are older we won't have kids to tend to the problems that others have such as medical appointments, bills etc. However we are planning for this by saving a lot for our retirement, we are building a property portfolio which we will sell off before we get too old to be able to handle it. I have watched elderly people in medical centres making their own appointments with the staff so I am hoping I will be able to be as with it as they are in my older years and if I can't then I plan to be in an assisted living facility. Lets face it if you can't handle medication on your own then you shouldn't be living by yourself. I am hoping that by the time we are elderly there will be self drive cars and we have grown up with computers so its not like that will be new. I have been cash less for years so even this is not new and I plan to keep up with technology throughout my life.

I watched my parents get into a fight with my grand father about spending their inheritance. They visited my grandparents once a week and that was it. No one took care of their finances. I guess if you don't have children you tend to plan earlier than those who do. My inlaws have been useless since they were in their 50's, they just relied on my husband so much for everything their minds went to mush. We have since moved away because of work and now they are having to get people in to mow their lawn and now they have to handle their medical appointments, yeah they can do it. Everything is getting done. We are not there to visit them weekly. They are coping. I just wish they left the house more and did some activities or see friends, they are mid 70's and can still get around. Friendship and hobbies are important later in life and have been shown to be extremely important for the elderly.

I am hoping our early retirement will be spent half abroad and half at home where we will see friends/family etc. I am hoping to have semi good health for a while into retirement. We have set ourselves up with a home which should be easy to get around in our elder years and will move into an assisted living facility once things get too hard. I am assuming once I get over 80 then that's when things will slow down. Meh who knows what each of of our elder years will be like but again I don't want to raise children so someday when I need help setting up my new internet I will have free labour. Its the years before then I am more interested in, I have plans I hope to achieve and then I hope to grow old with fond memories. I can see myself sitting in an assisted living facility simply enjoying watching TV and going for some walks in the garden and connecting with a few friends/family. Maybe even setting up a herb garden for myself somewhere. If that is my old age I will be happy. Doubt I'll have much energy to do more than that if I make it to late 80's although some of those places have pools with aqua aerobics so who knows maybe me and few other old gals may enjoy splashing around in the pool with a noodle. Yep that's me in old age.

I am the PP - and honestly walking, gardening, and waterobics sounds really nice. I hope we have the $ and health to enjoy those things, and live long enough to do it. (We got started saving VERY late, but we hope that we'll make up for it enough for a nice retirement one day - knock wood.)

I've started seeing more stories about intentional communities for older folks. Those seem like they bring in some of the community you'd want to make sure you have around you. Anyway, we'll see what happens. There's no guarantees and we can just try to do our best to build a life we want to live.