Did your marriage survive having special needs child?
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Anonymous
| How? Anyone decide to hold the stability and structure in place for the sake if the child and just write the rest off? |
Anonymous
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Yes, in fact most of the families I know with SN kids are intact.
I can't figure out what you are asking. |
Anonymous
| Yes. |
Anonymous
Okay. Then maybe its just our marriage. Thanks for the judgment. Can you really not figure out what I am asking? |
Anonymous
OP, of course having an SN kid will put strain on a marriage. Plenty of people get divorced even with a SN child too. The bottom line is put the kid first. Staying in a bad marriage doesn't necessarily create stability and structure. |
Anonymous
| OP...how old is the child? |
Anonymous
| Yes, we work together well and lots of communication. It helps I do not work so I can do all the therapies. He is very supportive. |
Anonymous
| Are your marriage problems related to your child being SN? Do you think if your child were not SN, you would be asking the same exact question? |
Anonymous
WHOA! Slow down, sister. Your phrase "just write the rest off" is vague and ambiguous. Please take a deep breath and just tell us what you are talking about. |
Anonymous
| Ours has, but I know many whose have not. There is a statistic floating out there that said 80% of marriages with special needs children end in divorce, but I couldn't find its source in a quick google and some support that it is more myth or legend. I think quite a bit has been done in the past 10 years to provide the emotinal support parents needs when raising children with special needs and that may have had an impact. For example, the internet has helped people find others and not feel so isolated. Plus, the stigma seems to be decreasing. |
Anonymous
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I can tell you that there are a lot of bullshit statistics thrown at parents of SN kids. I have heard various speakers and articles announce that 80% -- 50% -- 75% whatever huge percentage of marriages with Special Needs kids end in divorce. When you ask for the source or look for the article's source, there either is none or the sourcing is circular -- one article quotes another article without a source. Thus, this is all a big mythology. The only actual studies done were with a very few marriages in the 1960s with children with classical autism.
I would be very wary of any therapist or educator who told you your marriage was in trouble simply because you have a child with special needs. None of that is to say that you shouldn't protect your marriage or take steps to value and protect and prize your relationship, especially if it is in trouble. Marriage is hard work. If you are having problems in your relationship, please think about therapy. |
Anonymous
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Write the rest of the marriage off?
Write the rest of the children off? Write the rest of your life off? |
Anonymous
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Our marriage nearly ended when SN DC1 was a toddler because I had a stressful work environment; worried like crazy about DC's development; and DH did not recognize there was anything wrong and was not emotionally supportive of any part of my life. I ended up with PPD and had a crisis at work, then quit. I was also diagnosed with a pregnancy-related thyroid issue. Immediately after that, DH realized he'd better shape up otherwise I would divorce him. That plus staying at home made us stay together, since I had less on my plate, could take care of my health and supervise DC's therapies. Much less anxiety all around. It is sad, though, that had my spouse and my boss been more supportive during that very difficult time, I might have kept my career while caring for DC's SN. Due to this perfect storm, however, I now have a high barrier to entry back into my field. This is the sacrifice I made for DC1. We are supposed to live in a post-feminist world, but anytime something is off-balance in the family unit, I've noticed that women always suffer first. |
Anonymous
| We get support from family and that really helps. We get a break from the kids and can spend some time on the relationship. |
Anonymous
| That's important. Keep the spark going.. |