Mother's day and my mother in law

[Anonymous]

My husband and toddler and I will be visiting my in-laws mothers day weekend for a family event. We plan to drive home on Mother's day (7 hours) in time to have a nice family dinner. My MIL asked if she could keep my son for a few days, then meet half way. But she knows we dont have the vacation time so she's really asking for 5 days with him. I would never want to be away for 5 days, nor miss mothers day with my son.

Just venting. It's silly, we'll say no, I should be grateful she wants to be part of my sons life, but honestly i always feel as though she thinks of my son as her own....

[Anonymous]

It's an interesting transition, isn't it? Last year (my first Mother's Day), I had to point out to my husband that his new Mother's Day responsibility was to me..and secondarily to his mom. And, that spending my first Mother's day at her house was probably not my first choice. To his credit, he understood and got on board.

[Anonymous]

Quick impression- your DH is trying to make everybody happy and in turn will make nobody happy. 7 hour drive? Screw that. I say stay home or go and make the whole weekend of it. Personally, I'd want to stay home and visit the weekend before or after. But I had boundary issues with my mom and dad that had to be sorted out. Talk to your husband about what YOU want and then encourage him to have an honest, although difficult, discussion with his mom.

I think its perfectly okay for you to say that what YOU want on your first mothers day is to be home alone with your family.

[Anonymous]

What's this family event? If it's surrounding Mother's Day, you can absolutely skip it. Who wants a nice family dinner after 7 hours in the car with a toddler? Who wants to drive that much each way for just a weekend?

[Anonymous]

Also, yes, your MIL is being ridiculous asking you to go out of your way to leave him with her.

[Anonymous]

Set boundaries now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's an interesting transition, isn't it? Last year (my first Mother's Day), I had to point out to my husband that his new Mother's Day responsibility was to me..and secondarily to his mom. And, that spending my first Mother's day at her house was probably not my first choice. To his credit, he understood and got on board.

Sorry, this sounds a tad cray to me. YOU'RE not his mother. He celebrates you on your birthday, your anniversary, valentine's day, but Mother's Day is for the mom. So yeah, until your baby is old enough to do MD stuff for you, it is a little weird to expect your HUSBAND to do it. Yuck. You should be at one of your moms' houses for Mother's Day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's an interesting transition, isn't it? Last year (my first Mother's Day), I had to point out to my husband that his new Mother's Day responsibility was to me..and secondarily to his mom. And, that spending my first Mother's day at her house was probably not my first choice. To his credit, he understood and got on board.

Sorry, this sounds a tad cray to me. YOU'RE not his mother. He celebrates you on your birthday, your anniversary, valentine's day, but Mother's Day is for the mom. So yeah, until your baby is old enough to do MD stuff for you, it is a little weird to expect your HUSBAND to do it. Yuck. You should be at one of your moms' houses for Mother's Day.

I don't know if crazy is the right word but boundaries need to be set. We had to set clear boundaries with my parents or they would have wanted to spend Mother's Day with us. You know- one big happy family

I have to say, after reading so many of the crazy helicopter moms posting on DCUM, I would love to see how they will react when DS tells them to stay away on Mother's Day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's an interesting transition, isn't it? Last year (my first Mother's Day), I had to point out to my husband that his new Mother's Day responsibility was to me..and secondarily to his mom. And, that spending my first Mother's day at her house was probably not my first choice. To his credit, he understood and got on board.

Totally disagree. A persons first responsibility is to their own mom, then to help minors honor their moms. Just like oxygen masks on airplanes - secure your own first then help others. You, his DW, are not his mom. Now, that isn't to say if he shafts you, you don't have a gripe, just as he would with you if you let the kids shaft him on Father's Day.

[Anonymous]

OP, you are a mother now. It is YOUR day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

OP, you are a mother now. It is YOUR day.

Yup. And she has to share the attention. It doesn't stop DH from celebrating his Mom, too.

[Anonymous]

DH still has his mother, you are not her. She is the first priority here for him, not you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband and toddler and I will be visiting my in-laws mothers day weekend for a family event. We plan to drive home on Mother's day (7 hours) in time to have a nice family dinner. My MIL asked if she could keep my son for a few days, then meet half way. But she knows we dont have the vacation time so she's really asking for 5 days with him. I would never want to be away for 5 days, nor miss mothers day with my son.

Just venting. It's silly, we'll say no, I should be grateful she wants to be part of my sons life, but honestly i always feel as though she thinks of my son as her own....

Or maybe she's trying to offer you a child-free mother's day? If you don't want to do it, say no, but keep in mind that she might think she's offering you something nice (QT alone with your husband after spending a weekend with the in laws).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

OP, you are a mother now. It is YOUR day.

It doesn't make her mother and mother in law any less of a mother. It isn't her day. it is Mother's Day. That day now includes her but doesn't mean it is only about her.

We still celebrate our mother and mother in law on mother's day. Never really thought to act like they no longer exist because I am a mother and it should all be about me and only me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH still has his mother, you are not her. She is the first priority here for him, not you.

So you're saying the key to a happy marriage is for MIL to be more important to the husband than his wife?

Got it.