Mother's day and my mother in law

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mother's Day is a day for you to honor your mother. To me, that means a wife* honors her mother, the husband honors his mother, and if you have kids that are old enough, they honor you.

(*Substitute two husbands, two wives, whatever your family looks like.)

It is egocentric to expect a husband to neglect his mother so he can do something for you as a stand in for a toddler child.

+1

[Anonymous]

If your DH is like mine, MIL would be lucky to get a card on Mother's Day if I left it up to him. Thanks to me, she gets a card signed by all of us, a lovely bouquet of flowers and a phone call from her son. I also am responsible for all the birthday and anniversary gifts my ILs have received over the years. I've mastered the family humor so they think he picks out the cards. DH's job is to do something with the kids to make me feel special.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

OP, you are a mother now. It is YOUR day.

It doesn't make her mother and mother in law any less of a mother. It isn't her day. it is Mother's Day. That day now includes her but doesn't mean it is only about her.

We still celebrate our mother and mother in law on mother's day. Never really thought to act like they no longer exist because I am a mother and it should all be about me and only me.

I agree with you except for one nugget pointed out by the OP- it is a 7 hour drive to see MIL. That changes things significantly and why I suggest making a whole weekend of it or not going.

+1.

[Anonymous]

OP here, thanks for everyone's comments. A few of you hit the nail on the head...I have issues with my MIL... she is a lovely person, but offers too many opinions, too many concerns, flat out has told me how jealous she is that i'm pregnant/delivering/nursing/etc. So all that combined with me already being anxious/insecure about being a FTM i am WAY too sensitive. But i'm trying.....

We are going up on Saturday for my sister in laws graduation, so we are going anyways. We plan to do brunch on mother's day early and drive home. I've completely blown it out of proportion in my head but honestly I've kept most of the crazy to myself, so thank goodness for anonymous forums! And we'll ask her to watch him another weekend this spring.

It all works out ok i just am annoyed she asked on mothers day.

Thanks again!

[Anonymous]

OP, it's a good thing your MIL has given you a window into her struggles, so you know what you're dealing withy. Her too many opinions and concerns is about her wish to be a parent of little ones all over again. I wouldn't change anything you're doing, but have a little sympathy that she is struggling and know that anything negative she does isn't about you and your choices, it's about her struggles. Keep doing what you think is appropriate in terms of grandparent involvement and hope it passes for her and you can get back to her just being lovely. I found my MIL was much more sane once DS hit his first birthday, but that first year was hard with her, and about every visit had something that drove my crazy (walking off with DS without a heads up, that kind of thing).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's an interesting transition, isn't it? Last year (my first Mother's Day), I had to point out to my husband that his new Mother's Day responsibility was to me..and secondarily to his mom. And, that spending my first Mother's day at her house was probably not my first choice. To his credit, he understood and got on board.

Sorry, this sounds a tad cray to me. YOU'RE not his mother. He celebrates you on your birthday, your anniversary, valentine's day, but Mother's Day is for the mom. So yeah, until your baby is old enough to do MD stuff for you, it is a little weird to expect your HUSBAND to do it. Yuck. You should be at one of your moms' houses for Mother's Day.

You are so very wrong. So wrong.

[Anonymous]

This thread has inspired me. I think I'll let my DH come up with a way to celebrate Mother's Day for his mother this year. I'm sure he'll be happy to handle all the details!