Mother's day and my mother in law

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

OP, you are a mother now. It is YOUR day.

It doesn't make her mother and mother in law any less of a mother. It isn't her day. it is Mother's Day. That day now includes her but doesn't mean it is only about her.

We still celebrate our mother and mother in law on mother's day. Never really thought to act like they no longer exist because I am a mother and it should all be about me and only me.

I agree with you except for one nugget pointed out by the OP- it is a 7 hour drive to see MIL. That changes things significantly and why I suggest making a whole weekend of it or not going.

[Anonymous]

Think about the offer for another time. I'm sure a two night romantic getaway for you and your husband would be a great way for her to get closer to grandson. Don't forget the relationships we (as children) have with grandparents can be very special, and can help us understand ourselves and our parents better. It could be a win, win for you all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

OP, you are a mother now. It is YOUR day.

It doesn't make her mother and mother in law any less of a mother. It isn't her day. it is Mother's Day. That day now includes her but doesn't mean it is only about her.

We still celebrate our mother and mother in law on mother's day. Never really thought to act like they no longer exist because I am a mother and it should all be about me and only me.

There's a lot of room between "acting like they no longer exist" and "driving 14 hours round trip for an event for one of the three mothers being celebrated." Things like, sending flowers, for instance.

Frankly, I think the mother who is in the trenches mothering every day deserves some pampering on mother's day, and the father of her children is the one who needs to make that happen (and vice versa on father's day).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

OP, you are a mother now. It is YOUR day.

It doesn't make her mother and mother in law any less of a mother. It isn't her day. it is Mother's Day. That day now includes her but doesn't mean it is only about her.

We still celebrate our mother and mother in law on mother's day. Never really thought to act like they no longer exist because I am a mother and it should all be about me and only me.

I agree with you except for one nugget pointed out by the OP- it is a 7 hour drive to see MIL. That changes things significantly and why I suggest making a whole weekend of it or not going.

Oh I didn't read the OP as the family event they were going to attend as being to celebrate mother's day. I thought they were going anyways to a family event that happened to fall on mother's day weekend. If they are actually driving up just to have brunch with MIL, then I agree, too far.

[Anonymous]

That's nuts. What's with the absolute monarch tendencies of the current generation of grandparents?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's nuts. What's with the absolute monarch tendencies of the current generation of grandparents?

I would have said it differently: What's with the absolute monarch tendencies of the current generation of parents?

There is nothing new under the sun, and anyone of any age who gets all worked up over Mothers' Day has some growing up to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's nuts. What's with the absolute monarch tendencies of the current generation of grandparents?

Wait until this current crop of Helicopter Moms aren't invited over to their DS's house for Mothers Day in 20 years.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like OP's grip is with MIL wanting to watch her kid for an extra week. Just tell her no and be glad she isn't complaining that you are driving home on Mother's Day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH still has his mother, you are not her. She is the first priority here for him, not you.

So you're saying the key to a happy marriage is for MIL to be more important to the husband than his wife?

Got it.

We're saying that in a healthy marriage where DH prioritizes his nuclear family 364 days of the year, refusing to let MIL have one day a year where he son honors her place in is life is a bitch move.

[Anonymous]

"As you sow, so shall you reap."

[Anonymous]

Sounds like she asked nicely and she wants to spend more time with her grandson. If you can't do it - tell her it won't work out this weekend but we can plan for an extended visit another time. I don't think it has anything to do with it being Mothers day - it just so happens you guys will already be up there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH still has his mother, you are not her. She is the first priority here for him, not you.

So you're saying the key to a happy marriage is for MIL to be more important to the husband than his wife?

Got it.

We're saying that in a healthy marriage where DH prioritizes his nuclear family 364 days of the year, refusing to let MIL have one day a year where he son honors her place in is life is a bitch move.

That's not exactly what was said, now is it? I call my mother on Mothers Day and we visit the weekend before or after. But Mother's Day is for my wife, at least in my family.

[Anonymous]

Mother's Day is a day for you to honor your mother. To me, that means a wife* honors her mother, the husband honors his mother, and if you have kids that are old enough, they honor you.

(*Substitute two husbands, two wives, whatever your family looks like.)

It is egocentric to expect a husband to neglect his mother so he can do something for you as a stand in for a toddler child.

[Anonymous]

I think the priority here needs to go to the MOTHER WHO IS DOING THE WORK OF MOTHERHOOD. It's important to honor and recognize MIL, but DIL is the mom working her bottom off raising kids right now. So, yes, Mother's Day needs to be primarily about her. She's the one who needs the pampering! Not retired MIL.

-Another poster who thinks you should stay home

[Anonymous]

Maybe she should stay home.

But, alas, there is no retirement from parenthood. "Working your ass off" maybe so. But the emotional work can get more and more difficult as all age.