does this process take a HUGE emotional toll on anyone else this bad?

[Anonymous]

I find the TTC/fertility treatments process to make me insane. I did it for DC #1, and I am going through treatments again (IVF) for #2. I thought it would be easier, but I am in the same emotional black hole I was in last time. I had one failure so far, and one cancelled cycle, and I just have a black cloud hanging over me. I want to be happy and focus on DS, and when I am with him, I am happy, but in general, at work/with family/with friends, I feel like a dark cloud is hanging over me. That I can't be happy until this works. That I can't compartmentalize it into one part of my brain and just let what happens happen. It's AWFUL. I wish I could be stronger, not let it get to me so much, but I find the roller coaster unbearable. and I find all the info you get with IVF to be both good and moreso bad- because you know that you put in an embryo or embryos, and you have all this information about it, and it makes it all the more heartbreaking when it doesn't work and all the more maddening when your friends get pregnant by looking at their husbands. Anyways, rant over. I just needed to vent to a bunch of strangers who may relate to how I feel.

[Anonymous]

I have just started trying for #2 (took 3 IVFs and and a FET to get first). I am currently in the 2ww following FET. I can certainly see where you are coming from and just wanted to send you positive thoughts.

[Anonymous]

OP I remember those feelings all too well and our kids are 14 and 12 now - we had 5 years of IF/miscarriages etc prior to DC1. My advice would be to practice as much gratitude, visualization and relaxation as you can muster each day. Have you considered meditation and some yoga? I know you are busy with DC1 but anything you can do to lift your spirit and find a way to relax and not think about it even for 10 minutes a day will get you some sanity. Try downloading some mediation apps and music and carve out 10 minutes a day for yourself maybe just before bed. Good luck OP. I think all of us who have been through IF can relate.

[Anonymous]

You can always give up. Seriously. It has made my life indescribably better.

[Anonymous]

It's the hormones. Just treat yourself right and believe it well get better. It will.

[Anonymous]

It is pretty bad. I tried to be tough through out my infertility treatments and not dwell on the letdowns, the inconveniences, the work it takes... I tried to keep my chin up but it was not easy and luckily my husband was there for me for the couple of "breakdowns" I had - but it wasn't until I looked back that I realized exactly how much it is to deal with. I honestly have no idea how I got through it all. Believe me you are not alone. Sending you good wishes and strength.

[Anonymous]

Yes. Found it all consuming. I didn't actually have treatments per se - no IUI or IVF. I didn't have much of a problem getting pregnant but I had 4 miscarriages. After the first 2 I saw an RE and did testing. They found I was hypothyroid and that Dh's sample had an infection so I went on synthroid and we both went on antibiotics. I was also given progesterone suppositories for my 2ww and the occasional trigger shot if monitoring showed I wasn't peaking in LH when I should. But it was all basically monitored cycles and timed intercourse. For months and months on end, in between the other miscarriages. It took a toll on some friendships and even my marriage (but it worked out). Sometimes I felt like the most worthless human being and wife in the world. I dealt by focusing on my fitness and getting in great shape.

[Anonymous]

Yes. It makes you nuts....and I also feel like I should be better at the process stuff ( we need payment today or the drugs are at the pharmacy downtown or we need a new Pap smear to get started...) but literally there has been "surprises at every single turn that have left my husband and me scrambling. It is really quite a. It more stressful than I remember last time. Hoping for fast success.