DD constantly cries and is depressed
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Anonymous
| My teenage daughter has a mild case of cerebral palsy. She's intelligent, but kind of quiet. Doesn't have friends outside of school. She tells me that she doesn't have friends at all and that no one likes her and boys make fun of her. She has been to counseling, but it hasn't helped at all. She is excited to go off to college to get away, but she says that people still won't like her because she's disabled. I really don't know what to do. Can anyone offer any suggestions? |
Anonymous
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I just went through this with my son. (crying and depressed)
I would cross post on the SN forum, they have so much knowledge. I called our pediatrician and we started counseling again, but you already are counseling so I am not sure why that is not working. I think if your counselor is not working you may need to change, we changed when my son became a teen and that helped. Are there parts of her life that bring her enjoyment? Does she really not have any friends. It is common to believe everybody has 100 friends and if you only have 5 that is unusual. But most people only have a few close friends. (That is what our counselor said.) Sure there are social butterflies but that is not the norm. Sorry I am not very helpful, our issues are a little different, but the depression is scary so I sympathize. Best wishes! |
Anonymous
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Oh, I am so sorry.
Could you she invite friends over & do activities outside of school? Some people may just feel uncomfortable around her, not that they dislike her. What do girls do now, go to the mall, go to movies..... |
Anonymous
| No. She doesn't hang out with anyone. She does go to school with a few cousins and they eat lunch together. But she says she doesn't have much in common with them. She's more into learning and nerdy things |
Anonymous
| What about school clubs, OP? My DCs love the school offerings. They are in the strings orchestra, science club, play on sports teams. There must be some club that would appeal to DD. Look on the website to see what they have and talk to DD about joining one of the clubs for next year. Also, if she likes science, look for outside programs that focus on STEM. There is still a deficit of females in the STEM professions and there are efforts to increase girls' interest in STEM. |
Anonymous
She was in student government as a freshman and this year she was in FBLA. she feels uncomfortable around people so she doesn't really go to meetings. She said that she wants to get a summer job this year |
Anonymous
| I'm sorry you and she are going through this. While it's improtant for her to have friends of all types, perhaps she would benefit from opportunities to interact with other young people with disabilities -- from there she might feel empowered by seeing others pursuing their dreams and living life to their fullest. I believe UCP has some great youth programs and there is also something called the National Youth Leadership Network that offers leadership training programs and the like. http://www.nyln.org/ These types of interactions might build her confidence to carry the skills she learns into the school environment. Best wishes, OP. |
Anonymous
Her and 90% of the rest of the human race. Kids -- even kids without disabilities -- feel this way. They learn to get over it by getting over it. I would tell her that she has to pick a club or an art class or some activity and go to it. It doesn't have to be at school. It can be a teen bookclub at the public library or an art class at a community center. She has to get out, though. I also wouldn't let her do student government and nothing else. That is a highly social, clique oriented kind of thing that isn't good for a kid that already feels bad about herself. She probably should join an exercise club that she can do, as well. There has to be a water Zumba class or something that she can participate in. She won't meet a lot of other teens there, but the exercise will help her feel less depressed. She may need an SSRI. She definitely needs more therapy. She needs to go to therapy and keep going until it works. You need to sit down with her therapist and ask what are some things that DD should be doing right now to make herself feel better. Ask the therapist to assign homework and make sure DD does the therapy homework. |
Anonymous
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Please find a good psychiatrist for her ASAP. She needs help and quite possibly medication i addition to therapy. What you see on the surface is only a small part of what she is experiencing. This will only get worse if you don't step in.
Can you switch her to a private school for the remainder of high school? We did this when my DS was depressed for his senior year. It seems like its too late but it really isn't. It really sounds like she needs a fresh start somewhere else. The depression can definitely affect her ability to socialize and I would ease up on pressure until she has it under control. I don't think its a good idea to push her into activities she is uncomfortable with now. It will add to her stress and increase her feelings of failure. treat the depression and go from there. |
Anonymous
| I agree with pp--if she constantly cries and is depressed she needs therapy and anti-depressants. Why let her stay so miserable? |
Anonymous
I wish I could afford private. But I cannot. We had this discussion when she was going to high school. Her father isn't willing to pay anything. And he doesn't believe that she doesn't have any friends. |
Anonymous
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There is a a women's center in DC that you might try contacting about a therapist on a sliding fee scale basis or possibly the colleges in the area to see if their grad students in a counseling program or similar major have programs under which they are counseling for short term for credit. I would not necessarily just "group" her with other young adults with a disability, since it is sort of like putting anyone in a group just because of one criteria. Rather can you also explore the option of a volunteer job that she would enjoy which she might start this summer and continue during the school year on reduced hours. There are so many opportunities in your area and try to focus it on her strengths. Does a group exist in your area called Young Life which is run by area college kids for high school students. I would highly, highly recommend her trying that as the program also has week long summer camps, too. Maybe on her annual physical alert the doctor to the possible depression so she/he can probe one-on-one with her and make a recommendation for an evaluation if she would not be open to your suggestion. High school is such a tough time for all concerned, but you do not want your daughter to put all her hopes for things getting better in college as it is just better to work on the here and now. |
Anonymous
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OP,
I definitely think that she should seek some medical help with the possibility of medications if she's feeling this down. Not wanting to be around people may stem from anxiety and not just feeling self-conscious. I'm wondering if you've considered therapeutic horseback riding? Sometimes making the connection with animals feels more rewarding than trying to connect with other people. |
Anonymous
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OP, I'm so sorry. I feel so sorry this is happening to your DD. Nothing hurts more than seeing your child hurt (and we know kids can be just awful to each other).
Could you talk to the school counselor and see if there's a "social, well-liked, nice" girl who could mentor your DD. I have to believe there are some nice girls at her school who, if asked (bc teens don't always look outside themselves!), would be really happy to guide your DD. I wish you the best. |
Anonymous
My nephew who has a disability has benefitted from horsebackriding with other disabled kids. I wonder if there are other activities like that. Is she part of a church youth group or something? |